The Way
by JoyfulMariska
Summary: "You can't have it tonight." She tried to sound dignified. He stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders roughly. "Who's gonna stop me from taking it?" She flinched in pain, feeling the room getting smaller, any escape impossible. Olivia felt something she never had: defeat
1. The Night

Friday

Olivia was leaving the bar when she heard the scream. She headed toward the source while pulling her gun frm her purse.

The last thing she saw was a young girl with a man holding a gun to her head and a flash of feeling a hand over her mouth, she became aware of an excruciating burning sensation in her lungs.

Her gun dropped to the ground as the world went dark.

Her eyes blinked open to darkness. The overwhelming smell of blood and sweat met her nostrils as she tried to find out where she was. When she moved, she quickly discovered that her hands were tied behind her back and that the knot was securing her to some sort of pole.

The darkness swallowed her as she began to realize what was happening. Her heart pumped so fast she was afraid it would pound right out of her chest. She used the last of her energy to speak only one word.

"Hello?" She needed to know if she was alone in the back of this moving truck. A small noise from across the open space made her heart beat even faster.

"I'm sorry." A soft female voice came, "They told me if I didn't do it they'd kill me."

Olivia swallowed hard, "Who are you?" She asked.

"I'm their slave-just like you."

* * *

Elliot and Fin watched Olivia leave the bar with smiles on their faces.

"Thank The Lord for weekends." Fin took a swig of his beer.

"I hear you. Especially weekends that we're not on call." Elliot said with a smile.

"Well, I'm going to head home." Elliot got up and set down money for both drinks.

"Nah, man. I've got this round. You can pay next week." Fin handed his money back and laid his own down.

"See you Monday." He patted him on the back gently and left the building.

The hot July evening was sticky upon his skin as Elliot left the bar. He unlocked his car at the doorway, keeping his eyes on his phone which displayed a text message from Munch.

His eyes were glued to the screen until he reached the door of his car. Without taking a look back, he was in the busy road on his way home.

Fin exited the bar reading the same text message. Another conspiracy theory. He walked to his car chuckling to himself. He left through the back door, so he wouldn't have had a chance to see it. He cranked the air conditioning in his vehicle before heading home.

Olivia's Tahoe sat in the lot as the only indicator that something had gone horribly wrong.


	2. The Cry

Saturday

Olivia had fallen into a restless sleep as the truck sped on, further away from her home. She awoke when the vehicle lurched and came to a stop. Again, her heart pumped painfully as she waited in nervous anticipation.

What did they want with her? What were they going to do to her?

She swallowed shakily, moving as far back against the wall as she could. The door slid open and the bright morning sunshine blinded her.

Her eyes took in the sight of the woman she had spoken to being taken out of the trailer by a rough looking man. Another man approached Olivia and untied her studied his face carefully as her fear paralyzed her. He grabbed her arm and wrenched her to her feet.

"Look what we caught." He led her out to the end of the truck where she found four other men smiling up at her.

They were at a house, Olivia noticed by scanning the area around her. Her heart sank; it was surrounded by woods. No one would find her out here. The man shoved her out and she fell five feet to the ground.

She looked up angrily, "What do you want from me?" Her voice shook in terror as she got to her feet again.

One of the men chuckled, sending shivers down her spine, "Your ass. And it's ours now."

His reply chilled her to the bone. The truck, the other girl - was she becoming a victim Of human trafficking? She swallowed hard, trying to push it from her mind.

A blonde man took her by the arm leading her toward the house, "What's your name, sweetheart?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

She took in a shuddering breath, deciding whether she should use her real name.

She spoke after a moment of silence, "Olivia."

She was scared to death. They weren't even trying to hide their identities from her, letting her know that they would kill her or they would keep her. Either way they would be in no danger of being arrested.

"We've got a flight waiting for us so let's make this quick." The man who had taken her from the trailer stopped her, grabbing her face, "If you try to run, you're as good as dead. If you scream, you'd better be ready to swallow the lead in my gun. Understood?"

She nodded, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She'd never felt so helpless.

"Let's get you ready." He put his gun to her back and forced her into the house.

* * *

Elliot awoke to sunlight streaming in his window and he stretched as he sat up in bed. Glancing at the clock, his stomach growled; 8:30.

He swung his feet over the side of the bed as he stood and then made his way down to the kitchen. Kathy was feeding Eli as Lizzie and Dickie ate at the dining room table.

"Morning." He smiled at his family before taking a drink of orange juice from the carton.

"Good morning," the kids answered.

"So, what's going on today?" He sat down after smiling at Kathy.

"Nothin'." Dickie smiled, "Wanna play video games with me?"

Elliot smiled; life was so good.

* * *

In the old house, Olivia was told to go upstairs to the bathroom and shower. The man, Mike, had given her khaki pants and a white short-sleeved shirt to change into.

She took her clothes and silently went up the stairs, her heart still pounding obnoxiously. Her heart fell even farther when she found yet another man in the bathroom upstairs.

"What are you doing in here?" She asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

The man sat on the sink, "Watching you shower I suppose."

She felt the lump return to her throat. Her privacy was stripped away from her.

"Go on. We've got a flight to catch."

She took a deep breath, trying to do anything to relieve the humiliation she felt. She undressed completely, feeling his eyes in her the entire time. After showering, she dried off in the privacy of the shower and changed into her new clothes.

"Now get back downstairs."

When Mike snatched her again, he put her in a chair and strapped her right arm down. She squirmed in discomfort, afraid of what was to come. He turned the machine on and took the pen to her inner forearm.

Olivia cried out in surprise and pain as the pen left permanent ink in her skin. Wen Mike had finished, she looked down. The number S976537 was blocked in her skin in a small, angry patch of skin. Her eyes were filled with tears when Mike stabbed her with a needle.

"Stop!" She yelled, feeling the burn of something being inserted beneath her skin.

He withdrew with a chuckle and tossed the needle across the room.

"You're not in charge here, Olivia. Just thought I'd remind you." He tore her out of her chair and gripped her arm furiously, "Let's go."

Olivia was trying to hold it back, but the reality of the situation hit her like a ton of bricks. She was branded. She was their property.


	3. The Man

They were through security easily and headed to their gate quickly. She realized that the man didn't have a weapon and thought about making a move. As they sat down, her heart sank further.

"Flight 1246, Richmond to Austin, Texas, boarding now."

Texas? Why? When Mike loosened his grip on her arm, she made her decision and ran for her life. She ducked and ran and ran. She couldn't hear Mike behind her and yet she felt she was still in danger. When she reached the women's bathroom, she stopped to breathe.

A small pinch her back made her turn to see one of Mike's men, Jeffrey, sitting with a needle in his hand. Her muscles responded immediately to the injected medicine. She felt drowsy and suddenly lethargic. She had no choice but to go with Jeff back to the gate.

These people had reach.

She was hugged by Mike when she got the gate during which he whispered harshly her ear.

"You try that again and you'll be dead when you wake up on the plane."

The were led onto the plane and found their seats. Olivia's world was spinning. It was obviously a drug that had been injected into her and she was quickly losing plane had just climbed off the runway when her head leaned back and her eyes closed.

At 12:31 PM central time, flight 1246 touched down on one of the runways at Austin international airport. Mike had spoken to his boss and the plan was set in motion. He looked over at Olivia, expecting her to wake soon.

She opened her eyes as the plane slowed and began making its way toward the gate. She felt the pain in her head and tried to remember where she was. When Olivia found Mike's gaze, it all came back in one dreaded moment. She began to move, unbuckling her belt, trying to escape.

Mike's hand went over her mouth calmly, "Shh."

He smiled at her, making her stomach churn. She didn't attempt to run the airport again and Mike let her have the front seat in their vehicle as they left the airport. They checked into a hotel at one o'clock.

* * *

In New York City, a lifetime away, no one knew what was happening to Olivia. Elliot accompanied his kids to The Avengers and Kathy went grocery shopping.

Fin headed across the city to see his son and son-in-law with Munch. No one knew what was going on. She was halfway across the country and no one knew it.

* * *

After Olivia stepped into the hotel room, Mike's fury came out.

"You could've blown this entire operation! You're lucky you're not dead!"

His words and tone scared her and she cringed, feeling helpless. He swung at her, slapping her hard. She put her hand to her stinging face, willing herself to let it happen - to not fight back. He shoved her down onto the bed and made her get on her hands and knees before ripping her shirt off.

She was scared of what he was going to do. His belt made contact with her skin with a sickening crack that resonated off the walls. Olivia bit her lip, refusing to give him the satisfaction of hearing her scream. He whipped her five times before turning her to look at him.

"Lesson learned?" He asked, his teeth gritted.

Olivia had sweat rolling down her face and nodded in panic mode.

"Good. Now go clean yourself up." He watched her walk into the bathroom and heard her cry out when the water hit her wounds.

How was she to get away? Why did they even need her? Her salty tears mingled easily with the water running down her porcelain cheeks.

When she was finished, she redressed and redid her makeup with the supplies Mike had given her. She exited the bathroom to find Mike pouring a glass of wine.

"What's this?" Se asked when he handed her the glass.

"When you're good, you'll be treated well. You've got potential." He smiled as she took the glass hesitantly.

"Why me?" She felt her throat still closed, refusing to let her speak anymore than two words at a time.

"Because you took the bait." Mike answered with a shrug.

"Well I got that. What do you need me for?"

Her drugs were finally wearing off and she was going to fight until the man killed was not going to be put down by him.

"Patience. You'll see." He reached out to stroke her cheek and she pulled away.

"Don't." She said quickly.

Mike grabbed her, angered with her behavior. "I can do whatever I want to with you, deary. Your ass is mine now."

He grabbed her hair and pulled her toward him roughly. "I'll be back around 9:00. I've got snipers, but if you want to try to leave, be my guest. See you tonight, love."

He let go of her before leaving the room. Olivia felt so helpless, so hopeless in that moment that she found herself actually considering going outside just so the snipers would save her from the pain she knew she'd be suffering in the near future.


	4. The Nightmare

Olivia remained still for 10 minutes after Mike had gone. She set down her wine glass and searched through his suitcase she felt enough time had passed. Nothing.

She got up, finally realizing that this could be it. Her shaky hand wiped a lone tear from her cheek as she made her way toward the window. Her heart pounded. Sure enough, through the rain, she could see a small figure on a building across the way. There was no way to escape.

While she laid curled up in the bed, she felt around the injection site where Mike had stabbed her prior to their flight. A small bump revealed another fear. She was implanted with RFID information. She was branded. Her number was on her arm, S976537.

Her eyes closed in defeat. She was property now. Her breaths came in short bursts as she tried to wrap her brain around what was happening. With a determined breath, she got up and found a piece of paper.

Maybe, just maybe her team would find it and find her, even if she and Mike were long gone.

She knew Elliot would know where to look. Mike returned late that night and crawled into Olivia's bed, wrapping his arms around her. She had to resist the strong urge to squirm away. When would she wake from her nightmare?

Sunday

Elliot had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach when he awoke that morning. He couldn't shake it off and found himself thinking about everything that might have gone wrong, giving him this sick feeling.

He could think of nothing he was aware of as the feeling persisted. He forgot about it at Mass, but the feeling resumed later that afternoon. He came to the conclusion that it was nothing but anxiety. He couldn't have been more wrong.

* * *

Olivia awoke when the shades broke with light. She stirred, wiggling out of Mike's vile grip. When she had finally sat up, Mikes firm grip took hold of her arm, wrenching her toward him. She felt her cheek sting again as he slapped her.

"What's your problem?" She couldn't help but yell, tired of being told what to do and say and wear.

He grabbed her wrists and pulled her toward him, "I own you now, and that means you don't do anything unless you're told to."

He hissed, shoving her backwards off the bed as he got up.

"Get dressed. We've got to get you a passport."

She did so reluctantly, fearing what was next. They must be taking her out if the country. Why else waste money on a passport?

Mike drove her to yet another building. It looked like an abandoned warehouse on the outside, but inside, the building was alive with action. Men created fake birth certificates and passports while tracking something on TV monitors. More girls, she thought, her hope diminished further.

Olivia was held in a dark room until a pair of man entered. She struggled against them as they sat her in a chair and tied her to it, but stopped when one of the men sunk his fist into her stomach. A small pinch in her arm made her look down. A needle was inserted, pushing vile drugs into her. She was asleep in minutes.

When she woke up, Olivia was still in the darkroom, but she realized something had changed. Her hair had been cut neatly around her shoulders, at least 4 inches shorter than it had been. Her eyes watered as they adjusted to the objects on them.

_Contacts_, she thought.

The door swung open and she was yanked to her feet by the man who came in. Her eyes were heavy and her brain sluggish. They had drugged her again, and as the man led her out into a room full of computers, she saw herself for the first time.

Her hair was dark, dark brown, and feathered at the bottom of her neck. Her unrecognizable eyes stared back at her through hazel contacts. She was, however, relieved that she hadn't been surgically altered.

The motions became too much as the man roughly shook her to get her moving, and she succumbed to the blackness.

When she awoke, Olivia found herself in a new outfit, in a vehicle slowing to a stop on the darkened street. It was the airport. They were heading somewhere different.

Would the team know she was even gone? Her mind raced with every possibility of an outcome she saw for this situation. Numbly, she followed the men into the airport and boarded the plane in the darkness of the warm Austin night.

Monday

Elliot was in the squad room shortly after 8:30 with Munch and Fin while they joked and sat sipping coffee. A feeling, the same one he'd had before, filled him again.

"Where's Liv?" He asked.

The two men shrugged.

"I haven't talked to her since Friday night. She must be running late." Fin replied, suddenly slightly worried himself.

Olivia watched as the light turned orange as the sun rose into the sky again. The plane had landed in Mexico City, where two men with large frames escorted her to a sedan. The fabric of her suit stuck to her in the humidity and she felt even hotter when she realized what was happening.

She was becoming a smuggler. She was to be used to smuggle drugs to and from Mexico. Drug trafficking; better than human trafficking. She shivered, what if they were doing both?

"Where are we going now?" She found her voice again.

"To our producer. You'll be staying here for a week or so. We can't have TSA flagging our passports." The man in the front seat replied.

Olivia bit her lip in pure hopelessness. How was she supposed to get out of this when she was thousands of miles from home?

At 10:00, Cragen came out of his office to find Elliot pacing with his phone to his ear.

"Where's Olivia?" He asked immediately.

Fin took his phone from his ear, fear spreading through the Captain's body when he saw the look on his detective's face.

"She's not here. We can't find her." His voice shook.

Elliot hung up again, "She's not answering. Captain, something's wrong."

"Where's the last place you saw her?" Cragen asked quickly.

"At the bar on Friday."

"Go. I'll send backup."

Elliot wanted to die when he, Fin, and Munch came upon the location of the bar. There Olivia's vehicle sat in the parking lot where it had been since Friday night. Elliot went out to investigate with a terrible feeling eating him from within. Her vehicle had no trace of her. Her purse, gun, phone, and badge were all gone.

The men searched the perimeter. Munch bent down in a dead end, secluded alley to retrieve a white iPhone. Hers. He stood nod confirmed it was hers, his stomach churning.

"She never even made it to her vehicle." He spoke to Fin as Elliot approached.

"What was she doing out here?" Elliot asked himself aloud.

"We'll search and swab every square inch of this place." Fin nodded.

"Call Cragen. She's been kidnapped."


	5. The Palace

Olivia was taken to a huge house on acres upon acres of land. The marble floors that led to the spiral staircase created the illusion of being inside some sort of millionaires home. She was introduced to the owner of the home who was a sharply dressed, expertly groomed man in a huge room of the house.

He smiled at her and kissed her hand before saying, "Welcome to the fun house. Glad to have you with us, Olivia."

She did not even try to smile and remained expressionless as she was led out of the room. While they walked through the second floor of the palatial home, she found men packaging small amounts of some white substance.

She felt her heart pounding in her ears as her fear increased at a steady consistency. The man, Mitch as she heard him called, opened a door and let her enter a huge room with vaulted ceilings.

"You are to report to the third floor immediately after you're done unpacking." She stood frozen, _unpacking? _

He left the room and shut the door behind him. She looked around the room. The bed, full sized, was on the south wall sitting on a small platform. The light in the room filtered through th e white floor-length curtains covering the single open window.

A wardrobe sat in the corner near the door as two stairs opposite the bed led to double doors which she assumed was the bathroom. With a deep breath, Olivia left the room and made her way up to the roof. A few men eyed her as she walked up to an open floor. Mitch was not one of them, and neither was Mike.

"Here's the latest recruit." The owner of the house stepped forward and raised an arm, pointing to her.

"Fine piece of work. How much did she cost you?" Another man asked, looking her up and down.

She shivered.

"Not a penny. She was free." He put an arm around her and she shrugged away.

"She's in room 30. If any of you want to visit her tonight."

Her mouth was frozen and her body was stiff as she remained paralyzed with reality of the situation.

"Does she talk?" One man joked.

Olivia looked up, a sudden hatred filling her, "Damn right." She spat.

The young man who had eyed her fondly stepped forward, "Oh, feisty. I like me a spicy bitch every once in a while." He smiled.

"Don't touch me." She tried to sound strong, but she could feel herself breaking under the pressure.

She turned and walked back to where her room was, checking over her shoulder the entire way. She had to get herself back to the U.S. and fast.

* * *

Darkness began to fall on the alley in New York City where the detectives worked diligently with CSU to find anything leading them to Olivia.

"We've swabbed every square inch of this alley. We're going to pack up and get them analyzed ASAP." O'Halloran told Cragen.

The detectives nodded numbly, stil trying to make themselves believe that Olivia was gone.

Cragen turned to them, "Go home. We'll get to work tomorrow."

Elliot looked at him angrily, "Do you honestly think we could go home? I bet olvia wants to come home too, but she can't unless we bring her him. Lets get to work now."

He walked past them to a vehicle and sped back to the precinct.

What could her captors be doing to her? Could they be searching for a body? He shook his head. She had to be ok, she just had to.

At the precinct, the detectives and their captain worked alongside FBI and other NYPD elites to find connections to Olivia. Because of the status of the victim, Olivia, the FBI jumped right in on the search. An analyst jogged to where Elliot and Cragen stood at 11:20 that night.

"We have a witness."

They jumped into action, "The owner of the bar got a report from a woman smoking outside of a scream for help. Name is Lakeesha Williams. Patrol is bringing her in."

Cragen patted him on the back, "Thanks. Nice work."

The man nodded curtly. No other developments were made in the 15 minutes they waited for the witness to arrive.

When the woman was escorted in, Cragen pointed, "Elliot, Fin, go see what you can find out. Munch and I will check on those swabs."

They nodded, heading separate ways through the chaotic precinct. Elliot sat down first, thanking the woman for coming in so late.

"I should be gettin' paid for this." She sighed.

Her black hair fell to her shoulders in a ponytail and her ebony skin shone in the lights.

"Tell us what you saw Friday night." Fin prayed impatiently.

Lakeesha turned to him curiously, "Why such a rush, officer?"

Elliot answered softly, "She's family. Please, what did you see?"

She sighed, "Well I stepped out for a smoke just as your friend did and I heard a scream. That lady grabbed her gun and ran toward it so I thought I'd check it out." She paused.

"And?" Fin asked.

"Your sis' went around to an alley and there was a guy with a gun to a girls head. I saw the other guy come up behind her and she collapsed. I ran." Lakeesha replied.

Elliot wrote furiously, "What kind of car? License plate?"

"Nah, what do you think I am? A spy?" She reached in her purse to grab a phone, "But I got a picture."


	6. The Dark

_"License plate, car model?" Elliot wrote furiously. "Nah, but I got a picture."_

Fin took a look and told her they'd need to keep it. Her harsh features frowned and she crossed her tattooed arms.

"I need that." Elliot ignored her, "Why didn't you say something earlier? Why didn't you report it? This happened three days ago."

Lakeesha retaliated right away, "Look man, I just got outta jail for drug possession and assault. I'm not about to get myself jammed up again."

Elliot stood up angrily and left Fin in the room.

Elliot handed the phone to an analyst outside, "I need this cleaned up."

Cragen approached him, "What'd you get?" He asked quickly.

"A picture of the truck. " Elliot looked down.

He swallowed hard, knowing he was about to self-destruct. The room spun, his eyes taking in the enlarged sight of a man holding an unconscious Olivia on the screen. His stomach churned and he numbly made his way to the bunks.

He took a seat on a bed, his breath coming and going in short gasps. She should be coming through that door to see if he was ok, but she wouldn't be. Someone had her.

Would be the Olivia he had once known when they found her? If they found her? He took deep breaths, thinking at a pace that made his head hurt.

After shaking his foggy head, he stood up. She needed him now more than ever and he vowed to save her, wherever she might be.

* * *

As the dark began to close on the drug palace, Olivia sat on the floor between the bed and the wall near the window. The warm, humid air caressed her face as she shifted her hair slightly as she tried to do something to calm herself. She thought about how far she was from home.

The sounds of the night startled and sirens sounded in the distance. How did they not know something was going on out here? She thought back to where her team was looking for her. Hopefully.

What she would do to hear another of Munch's conspiracy theories, to joke with her partner. She was now someone's property. But she wasn't ready to give up the fight yet. She pulled her legs to her chest before examining the tattoo on her inner arm. It was there to remind her of her status.

Olivia jumped to her feet when the door opened loudly. Her heart beat fast when she saw it was the young man with the two others shed seen on the roof. They wore smiles on their faces and shut the door behind themselves.

"What do you want?" Olivia's voice shook in fear and anger.

The young man, Marco, stepped over to where she was and smiled wide. "You, fine lady."

His lust disgusted her and she stepped back until her back was literally against the wall.

"You can't have it tonight." She tried to sound dignified.

Marco stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders roughly.

"Who's gunna stop me from taking it?"

She flinched in pain, feeling the room getting smaller, her escape impossible.

"Get undressed."

He sat down on the bed, the other men, Alexi and Carlos following his lead. When she refused, Marco leapt off the bed and tore her jacket off of her.

She felt her body going into survival mode, suddenly forgetting how to react. She fell to the floor when Marco pushed her down. Her world went dark as her head struck the marble.

Tuesday

On Captain's orders, Elliot and the others caught glimpses of sleep in the bunks. At 3:00 that morning, they were back at it, taking closer looks at the enhanced photo of the vehicle Olivia was taken in. The plate was a partial, but Elliot noticed something.

The left headlight reflecting off the tress was considerably dimmer than the other. There also was a distinct dent in the back bumper of the truck.

"Get toll and security footage. We need to find where these people went." Cragen moved quickly, not missing a beat.

He felt exhausted, but adrenaline kept him going at an impossible speed.

"I'll work on facial recognition on the perp behind Liv." One of the FBI analysts handed the technology to another before going to work.

"We'll find her, Elliot." Fin reassured his colleague and friend who seemed to be drowning.

"I know." He whispered in reply.

"Come on. We've got a DNA from the crime scene." Munch headed out with the others.p

* * *

When Olivia awoke in the darkness, her white sheets were illuminated only by the faint light of the moon though the window. Her head was pounding. She froze. Her body was so sore. Her tears finally formed and fell from her glossy eyes when she felt the tenderness between her legs. She began to remember what had happened.

She got up and slowly, painfully made her way to the bathroom where she showered in ice cold water, washing the dirt away. When she looked at herself in the mirror, Olivia felt something she never had: defeat.

Her body was frail and broken down. Her skin was bruised and her stomach growled. There was nothing she could do to get out and it was beginning to suffocate her. She was stuck. She'd helped victims her whole life and now she was one.

The sun rose in the house and Mitch was already speaking to the heads of the drug ring in the loft.

"We have a shipment going out on Thursday. It's a large one, and will require two or more girls."

Alexi, the son of the owner of the house spoke, "The brunette can take half. I'll get the one from Cuba to carry the rest."

Mitch nodded. "We'll drive them across the border; it'll be faster than flying."

"Sounds like a plan. Go get the brunette; I need someone to clean the kitchen." Mitch obliged and headed to get Olivia.

Olivia was dressed when Mitch burst in.

"You're coming with me." He took her by the arm and led her down the stairs into the large kitchen.

"Clean it up. Alexi wants it spotless in two hours." He left her alone in the room.

The kitchen had pots and pans everywhere, the smell of vile drugs filling her nose. With an apprehensive sigh, Olivia went to work, feeling helpless. They were breaking her and she could do nothing about it.

* * *

A CSU tech had gotten a hit on a perspiration swab taken from the wall of the alley. His warning to the detectives was that they were in something much deeper than they might have originally realized. The DNA result had come back.

Kyle Ramos, a member of the mafia and drug cartel, had been deported to Mexico, but upon transfer, the prisoner's bus had crashed and everyone aboard had been pronounced dead at the scene.

Elliot stared in disbelief, "How could he be alive if they found him dead?"

The analyst looked up with a shake of his head, "The body was burned beyond recognition. Listen, if there's something I now about the drug cartel, it's that they have unlimited resources and happen to be extremely smart."

The man spoke quietly.

Fin answered his buzzing phone, "They've got the vehicle on surveillance leaving Manhattan." He reported.

"After running your vehicle's plate through the national database, I found something else. At 3:31 am on Saturday, the same truck ran a toll booth in South Carolina." The analyst turned.

Their hearts dropped further. "We need to follow the evidence." Elliot got on the phone.

"Captain, they went through North Carolina. Have FBI check hotels, stolen vehicle reports, flight records, anything."

Cragen nodded, "On it."


	7. The Blame

_"We need to follow the evidence."_

_Elliot got on the phone, "Captain, they went through North Carolina. Have FBI check hotels, stolen vehicle reports, flight records, anything." Cragen nodded, "On it." _

Olivia scrubbed the floor for hours, trying in vain to clean the stains. Her mind inevitably wandered to the previous night. She hadn't scream for help as the men pounded her. She had felt so helpless, so terrified in that moment that she hadn't had the strength to fight back.

Olivia wiped her nose and set back on her haunches, jumping at the sound of the door opening behind her. She saw it was a different man; one she hadn't seen before. He was tall, built, and stern.

"Get up." He spat, grabbing her arm.

She gasped when he slapped her across the face.

"This is not clean." He took her shoulders as she stared back at him angrily.

He immediately took notice, narrowing his eyes.

"I think we need to teach you a little bit about authority."

He led her, roughly pinching her arm, into the large room.

"Take your shirt off." He spoke.

Olivia's heart dropped, but she did so when she saw the anger in his eyes. He might kill her if she refused. She unbuttoned her white blouse and dropped it on the floor.

"On your knees." He commanded.

"Why?" She retorted, challenging him as her only defense.

Her body shook with rage and fear. The man tilted his head and raised his eyebrows.

"You understand that I am in control here. Do as I say."

She hesitated, not wanting to give in - to be broken down.

"NOW!"

His bellow brought her to her knees slowly, her heart pounding so hard against her ribs she thought it might burst. Her body froze in its position, beginning to return to default - defense mode. It prepared itself for what it knew would come. A small sound, that of a dangling belt, met her ears.

"Are you beginning to see how this works?"

A millisecond after the words left his mouth, he raised the ribbon of leather and brought it down on Olivia's back as hard as he could. Olivia bit her lip so hard she drew blood in an attempt to stay quiet. She was torn in two as the lashes continued, but she refused to let him have the satisfaction of hearing her scream for mercy.

She dipped her head, closing her eyes and tried to think of anything other than the pain. The lashes continued, his strength seemingly increasing as they did. Tears sprung in her eyes, and she could resist the scream that built inside her no more.

"Stop! Please, stop!"

The pain dizzied her, and she felt she might pass out. Two lashes followed before they stopped. She already regretted begging for mercy. She was being broken down further. She didn't know how much more she could take.

"Lesson learned. Get back to your room." The man snapped at her as she struggled to stand.

When she did, she grabbed for her shirt and put it over her arm, turning towards her room. In one last painful effort to show him he did not own her yet, Olivia gave him a look of hatred before she left the room. Once she was in her room, she cried in pain, in fear.

"Elliot," she whispered, "El, where are you?"

* * *

Elliot sat up in his desk quickly. He could feel it. She needed him, all of them.

He stood, hearing new developments being made.

"We got a hit. Flight out of North Carolina landed in Austin at 12:32 P.M. on Saturday."

Cragen listened as Elliot joined the group of people gathered around an officer.

"Where are they taking her?" Fin questioned.

"Captain, we need to trace their steps. Maybe we'll get lucky." Elliot said, needing to do something other than sit in a desk.

"We are heading to Austin tonight to see what we can find out. Olivia could be-" Cragen stopped as it hit him.

His detective, his friend, the closest thing he had to a daughter was gone. Taken from him.

"Cap, she's going to be fine." Munch said, hardly believing the words as they fell off his tongue.

It had been nearly five days she'd been missing. Were they looking for a body? Elliot shook his head; she wasn't dead. Not yet.

* * *

Olivia slept in the hot air, doing anything she could to keep from thinking about how famished she was. Marco and the other men had thrown a loaf of bread with a gallon of fresh water into her room after they'd left. She'd eaten it earlier in the morning. It was the first food she'd had since Monday when she'd first arrived.

Her hope was that she became invisible. She hoped no one would enter her room again. Laying in the cool sheets, she thought about the previous night. The horrible things they had done to her. She blacked out after the second man had finished with her. It had been too much. She was partly thankful for being unconscious for most of it, but then again, she was afraid of what they had done to her in her helpless state.

She closed her eyes. She was now a victim. _Don't blame yourself,_ she thought. But it was hard not to. If she'd stayed home Friday night like she usually did, she wouldn't have been at the club. If she wouldn't have left when she did, she wouldn't have been taken. If she wouldn't have been taken at the club, she wouldn't have been brutally assaulted in her bed. If if if. Exhaustion set in, her eyes closing out the humid night.

* * *

Later on that night, Elliot, Fin, and Cragen arrived in Austin, Texas. After leaving the airport, they radioed the precinct where FBI experts worked alongside NYPD.

"Give us something." Cragen said.

"Austin PD pulled security footage from all hotels since our perp and Det. Benson didn't hop another plane." Agent Evans replied quickly.

"And?"

"Of the hotels with descriptions matching our perp on camera, we have three known possibilities. But we're still searching."

She spoke in the middle of the room where Munch and other officers listened intently.

"Come on!" Elliot became impatient.

"Hilton, Radisson, and Holidy Inn. Coordinates are being sent to you as we speak." Munch replied quickly, sensing the impatience.

They tapped on the message that appeared on their cell phone screens. Cragen slammed on the breaks in the vehicle.

"Find a way to get there. Elliot - Radisson, Fin - Holiday Inn. I've got the Hilton. Show Liv's and our perp's pictures to the front desk associates and see if they have footage matching it for sure."

The two detectives got out and their captain sped away. Their hearts pumped out of control as they summoned taxis with their badges outstretched. They had a lead and they planned on using it as best they could.

Olivia's life depended on it.


	8. The Victim

_Their hearts pumped out of control as they summoned taxis with their badges outstretched. They had a lead and they planned on using it as best they could. Olivia's life depended on it._

Cragen entered the Holiday Inn quickly.

"Police," he flashed his badge. "I need to know if anyone looking like him or her checked in on Saturday night."

He held a picture of Olivia and Ramos up to the woman who's eyes boggled.

"Um - I'll check security footage. What time?"

She seemed to understand that it was a dire situation.

"Between 12:30 and 2:00." Cragen answered, assuming that was a reasonable window of time.

After a moment, she turned the monitor to show it to the captain. In fast forward neither Ramos nor Olivia appeared.

Cragen shook his head, "Thanks."

He was out the door speaking into his walki in moments.

"She wasn't here."

* * *

Elliot arrived at the Radisson and ran straight to the front desk.

"I need to know if either one of these people came in here on Saturday night between 12:00 and 2:00."

He flashed his badge to the man.

He nodded, "I'll check security. I wasn't working that night."

He spun the computer around, "Yes, here they are at 12:34."

Elliot nodded quickly, "What room did they use?"

He felt his heart beat fast in anticipation.

"Ummm - here, room 212 under the name Persephone James." He said.

Elliot backed up and took the key, running for the stairs.

"He was here at the Radisson. He knew Liv's undercover name from Oregon. Hurry, we'll need forensics."

* * *

Olivia thought carefully. If she escaped, where would she go? Her thoughts made her stay put in her room as the sun set. A knock on her door made her sit up in bed, paralyzed with fear. Marco entered with a smile.

"Hello, baby."

He walked toward the bed. Olivia's heart beat so fast she thought she might explode. She pushed herself further into the headboard. He stopped right at the side of her bed. As he reached down to stroke her cheek, she shifted away.

"Come on, babe, it's just you and me tonight."

He sat down.

"Stop." She said as he moved toward her.

His face shifted, "I'll do what I want."

He grabbed her wrists and put his lips on hers. Olivia tore hers away and wheeled her foot, hitting him between the legs. He let go of her arms, keeping only her wrist in his grip as she nearly fell off the bed. She was not going down without a fight. Her face burned when he spun and slapped her so hard she hit the floor. He then drug her back up onto the bed. She struggled beneath him.

* * *

Elliot found the room empty when he got there, but forensics quickly followed. He could only hope something would remain to tell them where she went or who she was with. Fin and Cragen stood by as they watched the crime team work.

Elliot paced, _She had to have left something._

He thought before remembering their last hotel stay together. They were on a road trip for a case in Chicago when they stopped for a wink of sleep. When they had been getting ready for bed, Olivia had placed a note beneath the drawer of the bedside table.

"Better to be safe than sorry," He remembered her saying. She had out a note with their last whereabouts and phone calls in case something had happened. Elliot traveled across the room in silence, kneeling down and shining his light beneath the drawer. There was a letter which he promptly removed.

"It's her handwriting."

_ "Ran a red light 50th and Lavender. Photo ID should be in police records. Mike - last name unknown. RFID chip in my upper arm. Tattoo - S976537 on right forearm. Drove a black SUV license plate LPG 2176. Use drugs - possibly boarder smugglers. Don't worry, I'm fine. Be careful, these guys have resources (men in airport, snipers etc.) Flight 213, Austin International Airport. Ticket issued to Marco Sanchez. Don't worry about the name I used, I used Persephone to make sure you knew it was me."_

The note made them catch their breath. A tattoo? An RFID chip?

"Get that picture, and find where the SUV went from here." Cragen instructed the men.

* * *

Olivia fought with all the energy she had left. Marco became frustrated and punched her again, grabbing her neck tightly.

"You're stuck here. Get used to me doin' you."

* * *

The photo came in as well as the flight details.

"The flight was from Austin to Mexico City."

"She's not even in the country?" Elliot's world was collapsing.

"Get us in a flight first thing tomorrow morning." Cragen turned to his two detectives. "We need sleep. We'll start again first thing tomorrow."

* * *

Marco had her pinned down, his hands in her arms as he thrust into her. Olivia was trying to move, but couldn't. The pain and helplessness she felt made her wish she was dead. She kept her eyes on the dark wall as he finished and leaned down to kiss her. When he leaned down, Olivia slapped him as hard as she could before kicking him off the bed onto the solid marble floor. He got up slowly as Olivia jumped to her feet, pulling her shorts back on. Her mind as foggy, going into default mode.

"You bitch."

He lunged at her again and clipped her in the chin before smacking her nose. It immediately began to bleed, but she swung at Marco despite the pain. Her fist made contact with his eye making him stumble back in pain. Olivia ran past him into the bathroom to find something, anything to defend herself.

He grabbed her from behind just as she reached the cupboard. Her heart leapt into her throat. With a kick to the back of the knees and a fist to the ribs, Olivia collapsed, hitting her head in the granite countertop on the way down, her world going dark immediately. Marco let her crumple, kicking the life out of her frame, angry. He then dragged her back to the bedroom and left her bleeding on the floor.


	9. The Brunette

Wednesday

Cragen, Elliot, and Fin awoke from their restless sleep at 5:30 that morning, dressing and heading to the airport where a private jet, leant to them by the BAU in Quantico, was waiting on the Tarmac.

"That FBI knows. They're working on evidence and locations. We'll be in Mexico City by 8:50." The captain said.

They felt rested and ready to work, but terrified all the same. Although he wanted to find Olivia, Elliot was afraid of what he might find if they found her. Shortly after the plane took off, Elliot's phone received a text. It was the file of the man who had been with Olivia in the car.

"The man who transported Liv is not Kyle Ramos. His name is Andres Cartova, previously arrested for drug possession. He's suspected to be in cahoots with the drug cartel, but no evidence was found to convict him of obstruction."

Cragen looked at his two detectives in frantic silence.

"Do you think she'll be alive when we find her?" Fin's voice was hushed, brining reality upon them again.

He didn't want to believe it, but after being gone for six days, his cop instincts wouldn't stand down.

"I don't know." Cragen whispered back.

* * *

Olivia awoke on the floor of her room, pain so intense she had to bite her tongue to keep from yelling. Her mind was foggy and processed slowly. Her nose was throbbing and crusted with blood. Her ribs hurt so badly she could hardly sit up. When she did, her headache got immensely worse. The tenderest spot of all was the one she felt above them all. When she looked down to see the stains on her shorts, the night came back. Closing her eyes, Olivia cried silently, whispering to no one.

"Where are you?"

She honestly questioned if the team would ever get to her. Maybe she had to find a way out herself.

* * *

The plane touched down in Mexico at 9:00 A.M. just as Cragen's phone rang.

"Captain Cragen." He answered.

"Captain, it's Munch. The FBI are sending backup from Houston as we speak. They've found a connection with your man Andres and Marco Rodriguez, the leader of a potential drug ring they've been tracking."

Munch's information was a sign of progress, much-needed progress.

"Alright, do we have a location?"

Cragen felt Elliot's and Fin's eyes on him as they walked out of the airport into 90 degree weather.

"Coordinates are being determined. Wait for backup. They're slated to touch down 30 minutes."

Munch paced in the precinct which was full of action.

"Copy, John."

"And cap." Munch said.

"Yeah?"

There was a pause.

"Bring our girl back safe, alright?"

Cragen nodded, hoping he could. "I will."

* * *

Olivia washed her far painfully, placing both hands on the sink and breathing heavily. She walked out into her room stiffly, sitting down on the floor next to the open window. A warm breeze blew through her hair as she struggled to keep it together. She was supposed to be stronger than everyone else, but no one was strong enough to go through this and one out unscathed.

Her tears began to fall down her cheeks as she thought of Elliot. Would she see him again? Why hadn't she said a proper goodbye last time? She rested her head on the wall, her throbbing body fighting her need to function. When she heard the door open, she wished she could die. To her surprise, it was a girl. She looked to be in her early 20s, and had a dark complexion.

"It's ok." Her voice was soft.

Olivia could barely speak. The woman handed her a small ice pack, which Olivia took, holding it to her throbbing head.

"We're going to America tomorrow. There's a shipment going out."

Olivia looked at her, "How do we escape?" She asked, seeing a window of opportunity.

"We don't."

* * *

Backup, consisting of 50 police officers and a dozen SWAT members, arrived at the airport where Cragen and the others awaited in a half hour. Mexico City officials volunteered the use of vehicles and weapons as the FBI had helicopters on the way.

"We've got a location." Munch was on speaker phone.

"FBI scanned the city within a 50 mile radius with aircraft, and they found a high frequency of radio and electromagnetic waves in one spot, consistent with this drug ring's previous resources. It's a large home in a village three miles east of you."

They nodded, strapping their vests and guns on outside the airport.

"We go in armed. Take the house and remember, shot to kill. We have an officer in there." Cragen said.

"Let's go."

* * *

Marco stood on the rooftop with his associates.

"We've got 50,000 in cash comin' to us tomorrow after we deliver our next shipment. The brunette and the Mexican will take it." One of the men said.

"Good. They'll go alone. Make sure they know we'll kill them if they run."

Alexi listened to his father, Andres, speak and nodded.

Marco shook his head, "It'd be a shame. That brunette is one fine piece of ass."

He smiled.

"That she is."

Alexi smiled as did the other one who had taken his turn the first night.

"You're getting me all worked up, man. I'll see you guys later." Alexi grinned, turning to go back to Olivia's room.

He knew Marco had visited her at least once alone, but it was his turn.

* * *

The woman left the room shortly after she'd come, leaving Olivia alone again. The door opened 20 minutes later to reveal Alexi standing before her. She remembered his face from the first night. He had pulled her hair as he tore her apart.

"Glad to see you're alive, sweet cheeks. Marco said he beat you pretty good."

Olivia stood up, ready to fight until her last breath left her, until her protesting body collapsed from exhaustion.

* * *

The caravan of cars sped down the desert roads toward the home. Elliot's heart was racing. Was she alive? Tey reached the house and everyone swallowed their fear. They had a job to do, and they were going to do it. When they reached the house, they slammed on their breaks and SWAT lead, storming into the house.

"FBI! Show us your hands!" One shouted.

Cragen, Elliot, and Fin ran in with the other officers, weapons shaking in their trembling hands. Girls and men ran, diving to get out of the line of fire. A man whipped out a pistol, firing before he was shot and killed.

"Get on the ground!" Elliot shouted as he climbed the marble stairs.

The sound of shots filled his ears again. There were so many girls that he had to save, but he needed to get to his partner, his best friend. The women he came across looked terrified.

"Stay put!" He instructed them, wanting them to stay out of the gun battle unfolding downstairs.

Fin and Cragen headed up a separate set of stairs toward the second floor behind SWAT. Every girl they came across, the worse they felt their odds were of finding the Olivia they had known.

* * *

Alexi had been removing his shirt atop a pinned and bloody Olivia when the gunfire erupted downstairs. Olivia glanced at the door, hope springing into her heart. Alexi looked around frantically, wrenching her to her feet before turning and slapping Olivia so hard she hit the ground.

"I'm not going alone."

He grabbed a gun from the back of his pants and pointed it at her as she dizzily peeled herself off the floor to sit. She looked down,_ this is it._


	10. The Moment

_Alexi pointed the gun down at her. She closed her eyes, this is it._

Olivia was sick of fighting it. She was sick and tired of having to struggle to do anything. So she felt her throat close and her heart ceased beating in acceptance as she prepared for the shot that would end her life. After what seemed like an eternity, Olivia opened her eyes, not wounded. She saw Alexi rounding the corner outside her room as he towed his pistol and attempted escape.

Her heart started pounding against her chest again, sending a painful rush of blood to her head and through her body. She was too dizzy as she gasped for breath to stand up. She didn't know where Alexi was going, and she didn't care. She was going home, dead or alive. And that was all that mattered. They'd found her, what was left of her. Gunshots continued as she put a hand to her bleeding ear, still ready for Alexi to return and take her life from her. She silently hoped he would. She didn't want anyone to see her like this.

* * *

Fin had made it to the third floor when he found Alexi running at him with a gun in his hand, eyes wild.

"Stop!"

The man pointed his gun, but Fin was faster. He pulled his trigger and Alexi went down with a hole in his forehead. He was dead before he hit the floor.

"Anyone got Liv?" He spoke into his sleeve microphone.

"Negative. Detective Benson is unaccounted for."

* * *

Elliot ran into every room he came to, hoping to find her. Bodies of men lay spotting the large home with blood. He didn't care. If they'd taken her from him, they deserved to be dead, lying in their house of lies in their own blood. When he reached for the last doorknob in the second floor hallway, a feeling like nothing he'd even felt penetrated him. He almost collapsed in fear, exhaustion. He could feel deep down that she was in there. he could feel the connection they shared.

Shaking his head, he burst into the room. Her eyes met his; his knees nearly went out from under him. Her face was bruised, her ear was bleeding, her clothes were shredded, but it was Olivia. Holstering his gun, he ran to her. It felt like it was slow motion. Like everything in the world stopped, possibly even time - the planet itself. He felt like he couldn't get to her fast enough. But he did.

Comfort spread through Olivia when she met her partner's eyes. She did her best to smile. No tears even fought to leave her sleep-deprived eyes; she wasn't able to. She didn't want him to see her like this, weak and broken down, but she wanted to live more than she wanted to save her reputation. He would accept her anyway that she was - she knew that, but she still worried. He put both hands on her shoulders, then on both sides of her face, trying to convince himself she was real.

He spoke rushed, "Are you ok, Liv?"

She nodded, but she wasn't. Everything hurt - inside and out.

When she smiled faintly up at him and said, "I'm still alive," tears pricked his own eyes.

"You're going to be ok. You're safe now."

He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her gently as they both sat on the cool ground. He'd almost lost her and now he could see how close it had really been. She looked as if she wouldn't have lived much longer if they hadn't raided the house at the exact moment they did.

"I won't ever let this happen again."

She felt the first comfort she had in days as she lay, unable to move, in his arms. He radioed down, "I've got her."

* * *

Cragen stopped immediately as Fin froze and looked over at his captain, the gunfire ceased.

"You said you have her?" The captain asked, hoping he hadn't heard wrong.

"Yeah. We're good."

The voice they heard next nearly brought them to tears.

Olivia's weak breath came, "You guys had better have - a damn good - reason for taking so - long to get - here."

She was tired and weak and in pain, they could tell from her voice, but she was still Olivia. The same sarcastic, lovely Olivia they'd been having drinks with only minutes before she disappeared. They both let out a breath they'd been holding since Monday.

"She's ok." Cragen smiled, trying to convince himself it was over.

* * *

Elliot helped her up and lead her protectively out into the quiet hallway. She tried to hide it, but surrendered to limping in the terrible pain her body endured. Elliot noticed, supporting nearly her whole body weight as they slowly walked. Her relief was overwhelming as she saw the men who had so violently assaulted her lying in their own blood.

"Come on. I've got you."

She squeezed his hand, knowing he was right. She blinked into the sunlight when she went with Elliot out the front door. She felt so relieved, but still dirty, and in so much pain. Cragen and Fin gasped at the sight of her, the two detectives meeting them shortly after they'd left the entrance.

"Glad you're ok, Olivia." Fin smiled at her.

She nodded, "You and me both."

She smiled back, hoping he didn't notice the grimace hidden beneath the grin.

"Let's get you to the hospital."

Cragen grabbed her other arm, leading her to paramedics. When they loaded her on, Elliot felt the need to go along. He looked straight into her eyes,waiting to see approval in them. She looked to be begging him to come with. He could tell. 12 years of working alongside a person can do that to you. He climbed into the ambulance, taking her hand.

"You're going to be fine. Promise me you won't leave me again."

She nodded, sleep threatening. "I promise."

* * *

Cragen and Fin stood and watched the ambulance pull away.

"Captain Cragen?" An officer tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned, "Yes?"

"Just wanted to let you know we have ten men who are expected to make it. Only two girls were killed in the crossfire." The officer replied.

"Let's get a hotel room. I don't think Liv will be wanting to do any traveling tonight, if she's even out of the hospital by then."

Fin took out his phone, dialing the precinct.

"Fin, FBI here says you've got Liv?" Munch's voice was rushed and loud.

Fin smiled, nodding, "Yeah. She's ok. We'll be back in a couple of days."

Munch sighed, "Well, you tell Olivia to call me as soon as you guys get to where you're staying tonight or tomorrow."

His partner chuckled, Munch too was hesitant to believe without proof that everything was ok.

* * *

Olivia was bandaged and examined in a small white room with Elliot standing in the corner the whole time. He was ready to help her through this. That was his job.

"You're good to go."

The female doctor said after she finished tending the gash on Olivia's cheek. Liv cleared her throat, ashamed she had to do this. She wouldn't let them win, but it was so hard not to feel humiliated.

"You need to do a rape kit."

She felt her voice break on the word. Elliot's heart dropped to his toes and his blood ceased pumping.

The doctor hesitated before nodding, "Alright. I'll get it ready. You can lay back and relaxe for a bit."

The woman left the room as Olivia sat up on the table. Elliot didn't say anything. He wasn't able to get air to his throat much less get his mouth to form words.

She finally met his eyes, "It's fine, El." She said softly, her voice sounding exhausted.

He approached her, leaning on the table as well.

"We'll get through this. I'll be right here." He offered, sitting down alongside her and taking her hand, hoping to offer comfort.

She nodded, feeling so ashamed, so humiliated to have her dignity and sense of security shattered. So she replied in a whisper the only word she was capable of saying.

"Thanks."

Her voice was small and he saw her jump as the door opened again.

"Ok. Here we go." The nurse said quietly.

Elliot stood to go as Olivia shimmied down to lay on the table.

"No, stay." She heard the panic in her own voice.

She was afraid to be alone, and she didn't care if he knew that. She didn't care about much.


	11. The Pain

_she didn't care about much._

The exam not only hurt Olivia, but it destroyed Elliot. Every time the nurse touched her bruised body his partner flinched and closed her eyes in pain. Olivia was hurting so badly. She hadn't let herself feel the pain before, denying anything had happened. But now she was accepting it. She knew how bad she'd been injured. She could feel it.

Her tears finally came over the brim of her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. Elliot sat next to her, his hands closed on hers, anger, fear, and sympathy engulfing him in one unbearably emotional moment. He wanted to personally wrap his hands around every man's neck who had violated her and squeeze until their eyes blew out of their heads. At the same time, he was terrified.

Here Olivia was, the strongest woman he'd ever known, struggling to keep composure. It scared him to see her like that. He wanted to do more for her. Anything to help. But he was only able to cling to her shaking hand as the nurse continued her humiliating exam. She looked him in the eyes, looking as if she wanted to say something. She didn't. She longed for the familiar comfort of his blue eyes. He didn't look away, stroking her hand gently.

"You're ok, Liv. You're alright."

She was being hurt. He could tell as she lifted her back up off the back of the table and closed her eyes, more tears following the trail down her face. He repeated those words over and over, hoping they'd alleviate the pain. She heard them, and it helped. With her eyes closed, he felt another wave of guilt wash over him as he saw her face.

Her nose was bruised, the deep gash in her cheek was held together by thin white bandages, and her left eye was blackened. If only he would have looked up when he'd left the club a lifetime ago, she wouldn't be here. She would be in New York where she should be safe.

* * *

Cragen and Fin checked into a hotel where they thought Olivia might feel comfortable. The captain took out his phone, the initial adrenaline gone from his body. Finding Olivia had been a rush of happiness and relief, but now he worried about what they'd done to her. He needed to know if she was really ok.

* * *

Elliot's phone rang just as the nurse was finishing up.

Olivia looked over at him, "I'll be right out."

He nodded, hesitant to leave her side. He got up and left the room, answering.

"Captain." He shut the door behind him and paced in the hallway.

"Elliot, how's she doing?" Cragen was worried.

Elliot could tell. "Uh - she's hanging in there. It's not good, Captain."

He didn't want to say it. He didn't think he could say it.

Cragen took a stance so he was sure he wouldn't collapse, and took a breath, "What have they found?"

"She was terrorized. The nurse found bruises all over her torso. God knows what else they did to her."

He swallowed, "She asked for a rape kit."

He heard silence on the other end. Cragen knew it had happened. He had known it all along, he just hadn't wanted to believe it was true. Nothing bad could happen to Olivia Benson, nothing.

"Is she ok?" He knew the exams were awful.

"I don't know." Elliot found Olivia exiting the room and began walking over to her, "I'll call you back."

He hung up, going to help her.

She shook her head, "I'm alright."

He looked down at his phone. An address.

"We've got a hotel room at the Holiday Inn. You're being released?" He asked her.

She nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah. Only a rupture eardrum and broken nose."

He lost the words in his mouth and felt he could do nothing but take her into his arms again. She accepted the embrace, unable to cry anymore. Elliot whispered the only words he could manage.

"I'm sorry."

"Elliot, listen to me." She pulled away, knowing she needed to say this - knowing he needed to hear it.

"None of this is your fault."

She gripped both his arms, looking him straight in the eyes. He was paralyzed by her sudden change in tone.

"Do you hear me?" She asked.

He nodded slowly, "I could have done more to help, though."

She grinned a little, "Yeah. I suppose you could have."

He realized with great relief it was a joke. "Come on. Lets get out of here."

* * *

Fin was pouring a cup of coffee when a knock on the door signaled their detectives' arrival. Cragen stepped out of the bathroom and let them in.

"Hey." Fin said thankfully.

Olivia walked in first, limping slightly and moving stiffly. The detective handed his cup of coffee to her.

"Thank you." She gratefully took the cup into her hands and moved toward the open door con joining the two rooms, "I'm going to shower. I bet I look like hell."

Elliot shut the door and made his way to a bed, sitting and nodding. She disappeared.

Elliot spoke to her, "I packed a bag for you. It's on your bed."

She glanced over at the bed, so happy he had. She wanted nothing more than to be in her own clothes, clean again. "Thanks, El." She had the water scorching hot, standing under the spray for a long 15 minutes, washing them off her. How she wished she could wash them out as well.

"She ok?" Fin sat down at the desk in the room.

Elliot didn't respond. Cragen looked over at his other detective, silently communicating to let it be.

"She was beaten, raped." Elliot mumbled to himself as if in guilty astonishment.

Silence.

"She's so different. I've never seen her like -" he hesitated, "like this."

Cragen nodded slowly.

Fin sat back, "She's still Olivia."

* * *

Olivia got out of the shower and examined herself in the mirror. _That's you_, she thought. No matter what they did, they didn't break her, she decided. She was going home to get her life back to the way it should be. She shook her head, leaning heavily on the sink with both hands. She closed her eyes, the throbbing pain bringing back that night.

:::

_ She struggled, but she was no match for their strength. When she came to, Alexi was holding her hands above her head as Marco pummeled her, yet another man standing to the side, stroking his own length. She cried out loudly as he finished in one painful thrust and jerked inside her. Her first tears rolled down her face as she kept her eyes on the dark wall. _

_When Alexi traded places, roughly taking his turn, the pain tore her apart. The spots in her vision grew larger and darkness beckoned. She slipped out of consciousness, coming to finding Alexi still on her. She slipped in and out of the darkness during Marco and the other man's second turns. Her lower body was on fire, and the room reeked of blood, sweat, and vile fluids. She wanted to die._

:::

Olivia raised her eyes to look at herself in the mirror. She took a shaky breath before slipping into soft shorts and a T-shirt. It was going to be a long road to get back to where she was before this. But she knew she had to take it. She would get through this - so she hoped. After turning off the light in the bathroom, Olivia let her wet hair out of its towel.

The cool water against her face felt good, so she combed it and left it wet. Even though she had taken a scorching hot shower, she still felt dirty. She felt them on her, within her. It was impossible to wash them away completely. Another deep breath. She was still trying to convince herself that she was safe - they couldn't hurt her anymore.

She dug in the bag Elliot brought before glancing to the bedside table. There it was. Her phone. She reached for it and turned it on. 15 missed calls, 27 texts, 40 emails. With a small smile, Olivia let herself accept the fact that New York still needed her. It was waiting impatiently for her to get back to her job that she was so good at. She wanted to be with her friends, and she opened the door to the room.

* * *

Elliot perked up, "Hey." He said softly.

She moved to sit down on the chair opposite Fin.

"Feel better?" Cragen asked, hoping to he her voice again.

"Yeah." She nodded, holding the cup of coffee Fin had given her.

"We're planning to fly out tomorrow. You feel comfortable flying?" Cragen questioned, aware she'd been flown against her will only days before.

Olivia's breath hitched in her throat as she remembered the blurry flights.

She swallowed and nodded again, "Just as long as you don't drug me."

Fin smiled a little, "Promise."

The short-sleeved tshirt she now wore exposed her inked arm and the bandage covering the area where the nurse had retrieved an RFID chip.

"Finally got inked." Olivia noticed them staring.

She examined it herself. "That's a lot of girls."

She spoke more to herself than to the others.

Cragen nodded, "Big business here."

She met his eyes, "It's awful - degrading to be treated like property."

Slight anger was laced in her voice as the words left her mouth. The room fell silent again. What do you say to that? They didn't know what it was like; they had never experienced it. No one knew what to say. How could they help her when they didn't know what had happened.

After sitting in silence for a few moments Elliot got up and announced he was going to bed. Olivia followed him, feeling her eyes closing as she finally felt the warmth and company of hospitable human beings.

"Goodnight, Liv." Cragen put his arms around her briefly.

She brought in his scent, the little things that made him her captain.

"Night, Liv." Fin did the same, as did she.

In the mere darkness of the room, Olivia reached for a softer T-shirt to sleep in. Elliot stood behind her with his eyes on her back as he slipped his shirt off and got ready for bed. His heart broke when he saw the welts, still raised and angry red covering the majority of her tanned back. What had they done to her?


	12. The Change

_What had they done to her?_

Olivia slid the shirt over her sore shoulders and turned to find that unmistakable look in her longtime partner's eyes. She knew him well enough to read his expressions like a book - maybe even better. She let her shoulders drop in a sigh, tilting her head a little and catching his eye.

"Elliot, I'm ok." She said quietly, knowing he had been watching - knowing he had seen the welts on her back.

He swallowed, his mouth unmoving. He heard himself whisper the question he'd meant to hold back until his death.

"What did they do?"

She dropped her gaze, shaking her head.

"That's my burden to bear, El, not yours. One of the men thought I needed to show more respect, so he took off his belt and got me to behave."

She pulled the covers on her bed back and turned on the bedside lamp calmly. Elliot still stood, trying to get his feet to move.

"Would you quit looking at me like that? I'm still me."

She sighed before slipping into the sheets settling on the bed.

He shook his head and rubbed his forehead, "You're right. I'm sorry, Liv."

He too slipped into bed. She turned on her side to face him, the sheets feeling soft against her skin as her head rested on the pillow. He lay down, facing her as well.

"You going to sleep tonight?" He asked quietly.

She blinked, "No."

"Me either."

He knew it had been a long day, but he caught something only she could show after five days of torture. As she lay, face bruised and bandaged, her lips curled into a tiny smile. He gave her one of his before switching the light off and closing her eyes.

* * *

Elliot awoke to the sound of Olivia losing her supper in the bathroom. It took him a little bit to realize what was happening. Before he had time to even sit up, another person had made his way into the bathroom. Elliot's eyes focused. Cragen was visible, leaning over and supporting Olivia with an arm around her midsection. She was still coughing as her body heaved violently.

"You're ok, Liv. You're safe." His captain's words met his ears in small, reassuring whispers.

her world was spinning. She had awoken, finding herself in darkness again - that same darkness. She wanted to open her eyes but all she could see was him.

:::

_Marco slapped her harder. She could feel her strength leaving her as he repeatedly forced her arms down and hit her. She couldn't let this happen again. Olivia had felt him sink his fist into her rib age, cleverly wrenching upward in his motion and letting his fist slide under the delicate skin of her ribs. _

_The breath she had left was gone. The pain was as if someone had poked her lungs with a needle and watched as the air spat out like an aging balloon. She didn't feel him rip her pants off. She didn't feel him her underwear off. She felt him, though, when he slammed himself into her. The terrible pain began again._

_ Still immobilized by his last blow, Olivia sat, tears threatening her eyes. He closed his eyes in pleasure above her, pausing for only a moment before slamming his flesh to hers again. It was rough. He held his hand on her throat as she still struggled to regain her breath, while he pinned her arms above her. It was longer this time. Five minutes of agonizing pain._

_ She was sure she blacked out at some time because the awful feeling of his seed coating her insides was the trigger that made her alert again. He leaned down to kiss her, still inside her. She was suddenly able to move again and swung as hard as she could. He beat her, then pounded her again - harder._

:::

Sweat dripped from her temples down to the trembling flesh of her jawbone as she held the toilet and her captain held her. Her eyes were wide, pupils dilated giving the allusion of a cat's eyes. Here breathing came in gut-wrenching gasps as she felt a large pressure weighing on her chest. She couldn't stop the irregular movements her heart was making, and she felt herself moments from passing out.

Then she heard him.

"Liv, you're ok. You're fine. Two feet on the ground. You're safe now."

Her brain knew it, but her heart wasn't convinced. The feeling of his arm around her, supporting her, slowed her breathing. Her heart slowed down, but her head was still lacking oxygen. She tried to stand up again. The motion brought back another flashback, shorter than before. Her stomach lurched and she heaved up what was left in her stomach. Cragen felt his heart break for the third time in the same day.

* * *

Elliot got up and headed quickly to the bathroom, still groggy. He held the doorframe as the sounds of vomiting ensued. Cragen looked up.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice lower than usual, bogged down with midnight cotton mouth.

"Nothing. Go back to bed, Elliot. I've got her. You need to get some rest."

Elliot had been tired until he saw his partner, white faced and heaving over the porcelain dish.

His mouth dropped, "Olivia - " He began to start toward her.

She didn't even look up.

"Elliot, she doesn't need a crowd. She's ok. I've got it." Cragen's voice was protective, not panicky or possessive. The two men held eye contact until Elliot nodded.

"Alright. See you in the morning, Cap."

Cragen nodded, helping Olivia stand upright.

"Come on."

She went with him out into the hallway, treading carefully and silently down the stairs to the couches in the lobby. She sat down, knowing what had happened.

"I'm fine. It's ok."

She tried to shake her captain's hands off of her. She hated feeling so vulnerable. Cragen reluctantly let her go and sat down across from her in the furnished area. Olivia's head spun as she pushed the hair off her sweaty forehead.

"I always saw how difficult it was for victims, but I didn't ever think it felt like this." She spoke quietly.

Cragen didn't know what to say.

"But they get help and get better. You did that two years ago, and you'll do it again."

She shook her head, "That was different, Captain, you know damn well this is different."

Her sudden mood change scared Cragen. He knew this was just part of her reaction, but he wasn't ready to see her as a victim. Olivia's eyes were like sandpaper, her chest was heavy, and her body was shaking. Nothing would ever be the same.


	13. The Beginning

Thursday

Elliot awoke the next morning to find Olivia packing her own bag near her bed.

He sat up, "What time is the flight?"

She looked over, swinging the bag slowly over her shoulder, her body screaming in protest.

"10:45."

Her reply was short and concise. He noticed the change in her attitude.

She paused, "We're gonna leave here at 8:30."

She hated feeling the way she did. She felt herself on edge, snapping at even her closest friends - her family. Elliot stood up and quickly walked over to his partner who was about to walk out of the room.

"Leave your bag. I'll get it."

He could think of nothing else to say, so he said what he thought might help her.

Olivia turned toward him, "Thank you." She said quietly.

"Olivia, there's nothing to be ashamed of. You can't always be superwoman who works with the worst criminals in the country and keeps herself together through every moment of it."

He gently placed both of he hands on her arms, turning her toward him.

"It's our turn to watch out for you. For God's sakes, you've been doing it for us for 12 years. Let us help."

Olivia felt the lump in her throat returning as she held eye contact with her partner.

She nodded, "Ok."

He let go of her and stepped back.

"You ready to go home?" He gave her a small smile.

She grew warm just thinking about it. She couldn't wait to be back where she was familiar with people and knew the city.

A small smile crept across her lips, "Yeah. I am."

"Well, New York misses you. It'll be glad to have you back. You should see what they've done at the precinct." Elliot said, pulling a shirt on.

Olivia stopped and leaned against the wall, curious.

"What?" She asked.

"They took a bookshelf from the squad room and put it outside the entrance. Victims lined the streets for days, putting candles up on the shelves. They lit them every night along with other cops. You matter to them, Liv."

Olivia smiled, "Well then I guess we should get home as soon as we can."

Elliot nodded and watched her leave the room.

* * *

Fin greeted his colleague and friend as she came through the door wearing soft yoga capris, a Nike T-shirt, and tennis shoes. He had heard her last night. The sounds of her agonizing flashback had penetrated the walls of the room, and he had to get to the restroom as well, feeling himself so terrified he too could have thrown up.

"Hey you."

He offered a soft smile as he looked up from zipping his bag. She stopped just inside the room after shutting the door behind her.

"I'm sorry you heard that last night."

She hadn't seen him, but she'd known it was audible to him.

"Baby girl, you don't need to apologize for that. Night was always the worst for me too."

He walked over to her.

"We're gonna get you home, and we are gonna get you better."

A comfortable silence enveloped them. Olivia reached out, not able to find words, but needing to say something. He hugged her back, her words flowing out in silence.

"I won't let anything like this happen ever again. You're safe now."

She let go of him, just wanting to feel normal again.

"Now come on. Lets get some breakfast."

He put a hand on the small of her back as they left the room.

"How did you know where I was?" Olivia thought now was finally the moment to ask.

She hadn't really even thought about asking, but the question weighed down on her. Fin looked over at her as they walked into the elevator. He pushed the buttons and stood, waiting for the doors to close.

"We followed a lead. A woman came forward with a picture of the vehicle in New York. We checked hotels and airlines until the trail ended here."

He left out the details, knowing she wasn't capable of comprehending all of it anyway.

She nodded, "FBI help?"

Fin smiled, "How'd you know?" He looked over at her as the elevator moved.

She shrugged, "Drug ring. I just thought - you know."

Fin sighed, "Yeah, I do know. They jumped in when we found out the plane you were on landed in Mexico. We didn't know it was a drug ring until then. We wasted a whole day trying to find you in New York when you were already halfway across country."

His voice trailed off, eventually to the point where he thought he was talking to himself. He regretted the delay. He felt he should have been able to get to her sooner. Olivia swallowed, knowing how he felt - feeling his emotion. The doors opened on the ground floor, just steps away from the lobby.

"But it wasn't too late."

She said as they left the elevator. Fin hated what came out of his mouth next.

"You sure about that?"

* * *

Cragen sipped his coffee thoughtfully as he waited for his detectives to come for breakfast. He looked up at 7:00 to see Fin and Olivia walking into the sitting room.

"Good morning." He said, surprised she was up so early.

"Mornin' Cap."

Fin headed to the mini fridge for a small cup of yogurt as Olivia reached for a chair. Her body was even more sore than it had been the day before, and she longed for a rest after the endless trip down from the room.

"What can I get you, Liv?" He asked her softly.

She moved her chair in towards the table, swallowing.

"A banana and a waffle would be lovely."

Her stomach was empty from the previous night's events, and she was starving.

"You got it."

Cragen pointed at Fin, "You heard her."

Fin rolled his eyes, pretending to sulk, "Man, I gotta do everything around here."

Olivia let a small smile show through. They might be put through hell, but they'd never change, and that was what would get her through this.

* * *

Elliot left the room at 7:15 that morning, heading to breakfast as well. He walked into the lobby to find his three colleagues at a small table, Olivia sipping coffee, Cragen reading a newspaper, and Fin cracking jokes. He smiled, feeling for a moment as if nothing had happened - as if the past week had been a nightmare and nothing more.

"You look chipper this morning, Tutuola."

He patted Fin on the shoulder as he walked by.

"Morning, Liv. Captain."

He grinned before heading to grab himself an orange and a glass of juice. He took a seat next to Fin at the small table.

"You ready to go home?" Fin asked Olivia.

"Yeah. It's just the whole getting-there part I'm concerned about." She spoke honestly.

Cragen nodded, "We'll make it."

* * *

At 9:17, the three detectives walked into the airport, swarmed with people. Olivia swallowed, the feelings coming back again.

Elliot swung her bag over his shoulder, putting an arm around her, "Come on."

Unable to speak, she followed. They made it through security easily, walking without conversation toward their gate. Olivia took a seat near the window. She watched the runway as plane after plane landed and took off. Her throat closed, she was heading back to that day and she couldn't stop it from surfacing. She closed her eyes, facing away from her colleagues as the flashback claimed her.

:::

_She could feel the blood pumping through her body as she ran as fast as she could through the corridors of the airport. She had to get away. If she didn't now, she never would. Her hair blew straight back in the wind she created as she pushed past people. Maybe someone would help - ask her what was wrong. Her legs became weary near the restrooms, and she stopped to bring air into her starved lungs. _

_She didn't even see the man standing behind her. With the feeling of a pinch, she felt her limbs relax, her mind slowing. An arm was around her, leading her back to the place where she had come from. The edges of her vision went blurry, and before long, she fund herself being hugged by Mike. _

_His harsh whisper ringing in her ears rasped, "You try that again, and you'll wake up dead." _

_Her body shook, shutting itself down in the losing battle it was fighting against the drugs. It hurt. Everything in her body hurt as the fluid spread like a virus throughout her vessels. She was escorted onto the plane, and was sitting in her seat when the world left her again._

:::


	14. The Burden

_His harsh whisper ringing in her ears rasped, "You try that again, and you'll wake up dead."_

_ Her body shook, shutting itself down in the losing battle it was fighting against the drugs. It hurt. Everything in her body hurt as the fluid spread like a virus throughout her vessels. She was escorted onto the plane, and was sitting in her seat when the world left her again._

A voice brought her back to reality. She snapped her head over to look at Elliot, who had noticed her bod shaking before she had.

"You ok?" He asked, gently putting a hand on her shoulder.

She swallowed hard, nodded her head as beads of sweat left droplets of wet in the strands of her hair. He knew she wasn't ok, but he didn't know how to help.

"Flight 472, Mexico City to Atlanta, boarding now."

Cragen stood up, the others following his motion. Elliot swung Olivia's carry-on over his shoulder before following the captain into the line that formed behind the airport worker scanning tickets. They walked through the tunnel, Olivia's heart nearly beating right out of her chest as the terrible thoughts and possibilities came to her head.

_You'll be fine_, she told herself.

_It's over now_.

They sat down in first class, two rows of two seats, an aisle separating the two. The police commissioner of the NYPD had quite obviously been informed of the situation and insisted on having the office fund the best treatment possible for the detectives on their way home. Olivia let Elliot slide into the seat first, hesitant to feel trapped between him and the window as she had been with Mike.

"I'd never admit this to any of the guys because I'd never hear the end of it, but I'm terrified of flying."

Elliot leaned over and spoke just above a whisper to Olivia as the plane began to taxi out onto the runway.

She couldn't help but smile and meet his eyes, "Well then we're floating in the same boat."

Even the thought of being helpless in the air made her shiver. When the pilot got the plane going and prepared to take off, Olivia put her hand on top of Elliot's on the middle arm rest.

He smiled over at her, "We're going to be fine."

* * *

The two hour flight to Atlanta was spent by Olivia snoozing in her seat, her head lolling to the side and resting comfortably in the crook of Elliot's shoulder. Cragen and Fin both looked through the booklets in the pockets of the seats in front of them before leaning back and taking short naps. Elliot was awake the whole time.

He was overjoyed to feel that his partner was still with him, in any shape - he didn't care. She was alive, that's all he needed to understand for now. He felt her head raise ever so much every time she took a gentle, rhythmic breath into her lungs. He could feel the warmth of her cheek pressed to his shoulder. It all made it that much more terrifying and still affirming to feel her so close.

When the plane shuddered and the captain came on the intercom system, Olivia opened her eyes. She didn't feel she had the energy to lift her head. It comforted her to have the familiarity of her partner to lean on - both physically and emotionally.

_"We're descending, about 15 miles from the airport. We've got some pockets of rain scattered around the Atlanta area, but it should be no problem getting down. Please fasten your return to your seats and fasten your seat belts as we prepare to land. Thanks for flying American Airlines. We hope to see you again soon." _

Cragen and Fin awoke, looking over with smiles at Elliot and Olivia. She lifted her head as the plane shifted around them again.

"Good morning."

Elliot grinned at her. She smiled back, feeling better than she had before taking off. Her body was recovering. The plane touched down routinely and they exited the plane before arriving at the gate of their connecting flight. Olivia felt the feeling again as they walked through the airport, but it suffocated her less this time.

They boarded their second plane shortly after 2:00 and took off again. Elliot saw Olivia was on edge as the plane flew on. Cragen and Fin were both preoccupied with sleeping again, so he took his chance.

"Liv. Do you want to talk?"

She heard him, hesitating before she answered. It had helped her to get the weight off her chest when she'd been assaulted two years before. She nodded, turning to look at him.

"Yeah. I'll give my statement."

He paused, not expecting those words. He then nodded, reaching for a pencil and paper. She took a shaky breath.

"Anything you say, anything, won't ever make me think of you as any less than you are, Olivia. That's a promise."

She smiled a little, "Thanks."

Clearing her throat, she began at the beginning. She'd arrested many bad men and women, been injured severely, and gone through rough patches with her colleagues, but this - this would be the hardest thing she ever did.

"I was outside the club, heading to my car when I heard a scream. I followed the sound after drawing my gun. When I found the source of the noise I saw a girl being restrained by a man in an alley. Then my lungs were burning. Something was over my mouth, someone was lifting me off the ground. I - I couldn't get away."

Elliot nodded slowly, "Take your time."

Her voice was shaky, but she cleared it and continued. She told him about the house, the tattoo, the makeover, the RFID chip, and the flight to Mexico City. It poured out of her like a river without restraints. She reached the hardest part when she told him bout the first night in the house.

"The men I'd met earlier, Marco, Alexi, and another man came into my room that first night. I told them they couldn't have it and Marco asked me who would stop him from taking it."

She paused, swallowing her tears. Elliot's throat was closing. He hated hearing this.

"He told me to take off my clothes and when I didn't, he ripped my shirt off threw me down, knocking me out."

She took a deep shaky breath.

"When I came to, Alexi, one of the men, was - was on top of me, holding my hands while Marco - raped me. When he finished, Alexi took his turn. I blacked out a couple times, because when I woke up, Marco and the other man were both taking their second turns."

Elliot's heart was beating irregularly, his breath labored as he tried to process. He hated these men even more than he had before.

"I blacked out again and woke up in the middle of the night - they were gone. I ate the bread they threw into my room after I showered."

"We can stop, Liv."

He heard her voice cracking. She shook her head.

"No, I have to finish."

"Ok, what happened then?"

Elliot wanted her to stop only so that he would prevent himself from self-destructing, but if she wanted to continue, he would let her.

"The next morning Mitch, one of the men, took me downstairs to clean up the kitchen. He said it had to be spotless in two hours. I tried to finish it, but when I didn't, a different man whipped me to teach me a lesson about authority."

His heart broke even more. He was in physical pain now.

"I slept throughout the day. That next night, Marco came into my room. I fought him as hard as I could, but he overpowered me. I ran after he was finished, trying to find something to defend myself if he tried again. He beat me unconscious."

They both paused when they noticed Cragen move and look up at them as he awoke. Her eyes were tearless, but the captain knew what they were talking about. Someone had to take her statement; he figured it would be Elliot. He got up, making his way toward the bathroom so as to let her finish.

Elliot turned back to her.

"Now you wanna stop?"

She shook her head, "No - No, I woke up the next morning, washed myself up, and waited. One of the girls came into my room with an ice pack. She told me that we were going to go to America the next day to deliver a big shipment. I asked her how we escaped and she told me we wouldn't."

Elliot nodded, "Do you know how they made the girls carry the drugs?"

Olivia finally felt a tear drop from her right eye and she looked down, nodding her head. That was the one thing she had just began to remember.

"At the house in North Carolina, I remember waking up strapped to a table. Two men were working - between my legs. They put the drugs in - inside me and Marco must have taken them out that first night."

Elliot's heart dropped.

"They wouldn't be detected by airport security scans."

He spoke to himself aloud. Olivia nodded, wanting nothing more than to go back to the way life had been before.

"Alexi was climbing on top of me when you guys raided the house. He was about to shoot me I - I thought it was the end, but-"her breathing was too irregular to continue speaking.

She felt better, but still worse. She knew that telling someone what had happened was the first step towards getting over it - or at least learning to cope.

"It wasn't. You're safe."

She gave a soft smile to the man who had been by her side for twelve years. He returned the gesture, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"You did a great job, Liv."

Her eyes closed, exhaustion claiming her again. Her head dropped onto his shoulder as her body relaxed.


	15. The City

_Her head dropped onto his shoulder as her body relaxed._

New York City was finally in view as the plane descended through the thick clouds. Olivia watched in excitement and fear as she anticipated the first step she would take on familiar ground. Elliot could see in her face how the mix of emotions ran through her.

Cragen glanced over at her, hoping to see excitement, even if just a tiny bit. He smiled, feeling her anticipation. Fin sat up straighter to look down on the city before turning towards Olivia and Elliot.

"Welcome home, Liv."

She looked up, putting her eyes on her colleague. She couldn't contain a small smile. She had been saved. Now she was back to where she belonged. Things would get better - they had to. The airplane touched down, taxiing to gate 4C before coming to a stop. Elliot stood with his captain and the rest of the team as they retrieved their luggage and filed slowly out of the aircraft.

When Olivia stepped onto the floor inside the airport, she felt like she was home. She took in the sights around her. Nothing had changed. Life was going on as it had been when she'd left. Cragen realized her slowing pace, reaching gently for her arm, guiding her as he had for the past twelve years of her life. She felt at home, but still lost. It wasn't like she had felt before she'd been taken.

This was a different feeling, and it scared her. It was like she was on familiar ground again, but the ground had shifted. She could do nothing but follow her captain out into the humid air of the New York summer. Cragen stopped Olivia when they reached the sidewalks. Elliot and Fin paused to listen in.

Elliot could see she was uncomfortable. That was possibly the scariest thing he'd seen. She had always walked around the city confidently, like she knew exactly who she was and what she was doing. But now, even in this setting, she was different.

"Do you want to go home? It's up to you. You can stay with one of us, anything. You choose."

Olivia nodded, thinking about what she wanted. She didn't want to be alone with those voices and terrible images inside her head.

"I think I just want to go -"

Where? She wanted to feel at home again, if it was even possible. She knew the only place that she felt completely at ease at -

"I want to go to the precinct."

Cragen was taken by surprise, but nodded, knowing she felt most comfortable in a familiar setting.

"Then the 1-6 it is. You and Elliot can meet us there. Can I call Munch and tell him you're coming?" The captain asked.

Olivia sighed, "Yes."

She just wanted to be in the arms and surroundings with her friends. She wanted to feel normal again.

"Alright. We'll see you back there."

They hailed two taxi cabs and the to groups of people were on their way.

* * *

Casey was sitting at her desk biting her thumb nail as she stard blankly out her door. She had received word that the detectives had gotten Olivia out of the drug traffickers' hands and were flying back. She just wanted to hug her friend, but she could feel that there was something different. Olivia would not be the same - she knew that. She glanced down at her phone, hoping to get the call soon.

* * *

Munch, having arrived at the precinct earlier that day, sat at his desk, unable to think of anything besides her. She was on her way home - maybe already here. He had received a text from his captain two hours previously as the detectives awaited their connecting flight in Atlanta.

He wanted to be sure she was ok, and he could only believe if he could see. When he saw her walk into the precinct, that would be the moment when he'd believe they'd saved her. His phone rang, which he jumped to answer.

"Cap?"

"We're on our way there. Olivia wants to be somewhere familiar."

Munch sat up, "I'll call Casey."

"Munch," the captain took a deep breath, "She's not the same as she used to be."

Munch swallowed almost painfully. "I know."

* * *

Melinda answered her phone and left her work area before she hung up the phone. Olivia was home. She wanted to be there to greet her colleague. Olivia had not seemed uncomfortable when Melinda had questioned her about Harris after her undercover mission. It had been her job to be there for Olivia then and it was the same now. She was on the streets in minutes, on her way to the precinct.

* * *

Olivia glanced out the window nervously, seeing sights she'd been accustomed to for years. They looked foreign now. The sound of a loud car horn made her jump, which Elliot immediately noticed. He could think of nothing to say, nothing to do to make her feel more comfortable, so he sat and watched her struggle. Every gasp, wince, and deep swallow he saw killed him a little more inside.

She kept her eyes on the city, feeling Elliot's on her back like fire. There was a little comfort knowing she was back home again, but she was still jumpy, uneasy. She wished she could help it; she knew it killed her friends to see her like this, but there was nothing she could do. Only time could fix her, and she understood that. It was when the car driver slammed on his breaks to avoid a car's bumper that she flew back in time again.

:::

_She reached up into the cupboard to find something, anything she could to defend herself. Her breath came in short bursts as her heart beat in her throat. He was going to kill her; she could feel his anger. There was nothing. She cried out when she felt the arms on her again, shoving her against the marble countertop. The blow left her body on fire. This was it - the last time she would ever take a breath. He kicked her, hard, taking her down to the floor. Her head struck the marble of the counter on the way down, dizzying her before knocking her unconscious. She slipped back into consciousness as he kicked her repeatedly. At that moment, she wished it was over. She would have asked him to take her life if she hadn't long consciousness when he kicked her between the legs, his shoe covered with her sticky blood after he did pain from what he'd done before combined with his blow was too much for her to handle._

:::

Elliot took her hand, trying to bring her back. He felt tears pricking his eyes as his heart pounded, damaging his chest.

"Olivia." He desperately called.

The driver took notice, "Uh - what's wrong with her?"

Elliot's eyes shot glare at the man looking back in the rear view mirror.

"Just keep driving."

Her eyes were wide, pupils like a cat's as sweat glazed her trembling body. She stared straight ahead as her breathing remained irregular.

"Liv, it's ok. You're safe."

He felt himself trembling as he held her hands close.

"Come back, Liv, come on."

It was like she went to a different realm, an entirely different planet light years away. A cough brought her back. She looked over at him, knowing what had happened. She saw the fear in his eyes, and she immediately apologized.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He felt his breathing slow, "It's alright. Deep breaths, now."

She pulled her hands away from his slowly, uncomfortable with the contact.

"I'm ok. I'm fine."

She was trying to convince herself, but she knew it wasn't enough for him. She returned her gaze to the streets of New York City, wanting to forget.

The driver stopped, "1-6 on your left."

Elliot paid the man as Olivia stepped out. She felt the wind gently caress her face, like it had when she sat in isolation for days. She took a deep breath upon looking at the precinct. A wave of relief washed over her. It was still here. Her place of solace hadn't changed.

Elliot stepped next to her, "Ready?"

She nodded, "Yeah. Let's go."

She lead him across the street and into the door of their workplace.

* * *

The cool of the air conditioning felt good on Olivia's clammy skin as she and her partner stepped onto the laminate floor of the precinct. She felt like she had any other morning when she entered the same building for work. This was the only thing that she felt hadn't changed. Without hesitation, she walked toward the elevators.

* * *

Alex entered the squad room with little air left in her lungs.

"I got here as fast as I could. Is she ok?"

Cragen, standing with Munch, Fin, Melinda, and Casey, shoved his hands into his pockets.

"She's not here yet, but she'll be happy to see you guys. We were just talking about it."

Munch waved the ADA over.

"She's changed, but she's ok. She just wants familiarity, and you guys are in a position to provide that."

Cragen spoke to everyone.

Each of them nodded, not able to mentally accept that Olivia was going to be any different from when the last time they saw her. She would always be the hard-headed, strong, independent Olivia Benson they knew. When she walked into the room, that idea was gone like a seeded dandelion, held captive by nothing but itself.


	16. The Difference

The moment Olivia saw the faces of those she knew so well, tears sprung into her eyes. They were all there: Casey, Melinda, Alex, Munch. Their dedication to their jobs had them in contact frequently, but in that moment, Olivia knew their dedication to each other - especially her.

Casey's lip quivered as she struggle to hold in tears of joy, relief, sadness, and fear. Olivia did the same, swallowing nearly impossible with the giant lump forming in her throat. She stepped forward, embracing Casey.

"Thank God you're ok." Her colleague choked out.

Olivia felt a tear slip down her cheek, feeling the relief radiating from Casey's body. As soon as Casey released her, Alex stepped forward. Her hug was gentle, loving, as she had always been toward Olivia. Alex was unable to find words, so she held the detective close as the only thing she felt capable of doing.

With a gentle squeeze, she released Olivia as well. Melinda, always and ever protective of Olivia in a squad room full of men, held in her tears, only smiling softly. Cragen saw a weight lifted off Olivia's shoulders as she greeted her friends. It was as if, with their presence, they distributed the weight of her heavy burden, shifting the rock from Olivia onto themselves.

Munch took in the sight of Olivia, his captain's words burning in the back of his mind.

_She's not the same._

There was a different feeling even in her presence. She used to bring such an independent, lion-hearted feeling into the room every time she stood up, but now it was as if she had shrunk in size and confidence. She didn't walk the same; she hadn't spoken.

No one knew how to even begin a conversation. Why did they all feel so uncomfortable around their friend of over 12 years? Olivia could her their thoughts. She read their expressions like a book. Munch, too cautious to even embrace her, gave her a gentle, hesitant squeeze on her shoulder. She felt their hesitation - their uncertainty.

"I'm a little different." She said with a small smile, trying to alleviate their oppressing feelings.

"But I'm still me."

She hadn't realized she spoke out loud until she looked up. She had to say that over and over again to try and convince herself. She felt like she was anyone but herself. Melinda stepped across the small space between her and Olivia, wrapping her arms around the detective. The others watched silently, unsure of what to say or do.

Olivia took the embrace with open arms, soaking in the love and familiarity she felt. Melinda couldn't speak as she choked on her own tears. This had changed the detective she had always known. Cragen silently conveyed a message to Casey and his other detectives. They nodded, knowing what he was saying. Casey looked over at Alex, swallowing and turning to leave the room.

Melinda stepped back, "Welcome home, Olivia."

She said, smiling through her tears. Olivia finally felt the wet dropping down her cheeks as she smiled back. She felt like she was home. It was going to get better.

"Thank you." Her words barely escaped her mouth as the air in her lungs was lacking. Fin followed the two women as Munch followed after him. Cragen could see in Olivia's eyes that this was too much at once. She'd seen them, but now she needed to have space. He stepped backwards into his office, watching for only a moment as Melinda followed the others out of the room.

Elliot stood there, watching his partner closely as Olivia motionless lay stared at the group leaving. She felt a little better. Seeing them - that they hadn't changed, and wouldn't ever change made her feel more sure of herself.

"Elliot."

Her whisper snapped Elliot into action.

"Yeah, Liv?" He asked, curious of what she had to say.

It was the first time she'd instigated a conversation since she'd been retrieved from the drug palace.

She turned to look at him, "I want to go home."

He nodded, "Alright. Let's go."

Cragen watched as Elliot helped his partner out of the squad room.

* * *

Fin shut the door as Melinda entered the small room outside the squad room.

"God she's changed." Alex heard herself saying the same thing she'd been saying ever since she saw Olivia.

The others nodded, not knowing what else to do. Munch stared at the floor as he spoke.

"We need to be there for her, though. She needs us to help her get through this."

Simultaneous nods came again.

"What did they do to her?"

Casey knew it was only a matter of time before the reports were all over the news - personal, intimate information leaked to the media through various outlets, exposing Olivia to even further trauma.

Fin sighed, "Everything you think they did and more."

Silence filled their ears again.

"How do we help her?" Melinda felt lost.

Dealing with victims, living ones, was not her specialty and she didn't know how to approach the situation. Fin shook his head, not knowing how to respond. Munch stepped up, finally finding the courage to speak.

"Be available. Keep your phones on, just in case. Be a listener. Don't jump in and try to distract her. If she talks, just listen."

That was it. That was all he had. The silence screamed in their ears still. No one knew what to do or say, so they all stood there in painful quietness. Melinda finally found her voice after she glanced at her phone.

"I have to go. Thanks for the heads up, Munch. You two call if she needs anything from me. My door is open."

She patted Munch on the shoulder and squeezed Casey's and Alex's arms reassuringly before exiting the room.

* * *

Olivia made it through the traffic of New York City without another flashback. She figured she was too tired to experience one anyway. With a painful last burst of energy, she made it out of the vehicle and into the elevator in her building. Elliot eyes her closely, still feeling unbelievably worry. He wanted to help so badly, but he didn't know how. He'd been working with victims for over a decade and he couldn't comfort his own partner who had just been launched not the terrible category.

He pressed the button within the small mobile room before the doors closed on the two. His eyes glanced over at her again. She stood, not quite straight up. The pain she felt was obviously still making it impossible for her to even walk upright. The fact finally slapped him across the face. She was a victim. His partner, his best friend, a victim. Olivia could feel Elliot's eyes burning into her side. She let them scorch her until she felt he was thinking too much.

"El, I know what you're thinking, and I want you to stop thinking about it, ok?"

She finally met his eyes.

He swallowed, "I can't."

His voice was small as his windpipe closed. She breathed, staring straight ahead.

"I've seen it all, kicked ass with you for 12 years. I don't want that to change just because of this."

She wanted to yell at him to stop looking at her the away he was - like she was different, broken beyond repair. He swallowed hard, hurting his esophagus as he gulped what felt like acid.

"I just want you to be ok, Liv."

He heard himself whisper, his voice shaking with emotion. He wanted it back to normal.

"I know." Olivia whispered back, glad for his honesty.

He was hoping to awake from this terrible nightmare, but every time he pinched himself, the pain was real. The doors opened and the two stepped out into the carpeted hallway. As they reached her apartment door, Elliot spoke again.

"You want someone to stay?"

He asked, knowing from the expression she'd had that night before they'd traveled back to New York that she was not safe alone - alone with herself, with her thoughts. Olivia turned her key, her eyes closing in surrender to exhaustion. Her body relaxed, trying to stay awake. She'd never been so tired.

Elliot took her arm gently, flipping on a couple of lights as the door opened. He walked her to her room, pulling back the covers for her before she collapsed onto the bed. He pulled the comforter back over her as she immediately lay down. He turned, checking her room for anything that might not be good for her to see or remember.

"I can call Melinda, Casey, or Alex. Whoever you want to stay I can - " he turned back to her to find her was already in the clutches of sleep.

He smiled a little. She would be getting a little rest, which comforted him. He just wanted to see her recover well.

"I'll take the couch."

He took out his phone to call his wife before settling onto the couch, listening to the sounds that the city was making as they traveled through the thick walls of the apartment building. He watched as the sky grew dark with thunder clouds, signaling the oncoming storm that meteorologists had been predicting for a week. The rain hit the windows after the first bolt of lightning tore the atmosphere in two, the thunder sending aftershocks into the ground.

He let the sound lull him into sleep - much needed sleep. He hadn't known how long he slept, but he bolted upright when he heard her painfully struggling. Her eyes were not open, but her body was awake. He stood in paralyzingly fear, watching her endure the nightmare. He listened to the small phrases, the noises of panic she made.

"Please - please don't."

Her frantic voice reached his ears. The tossing she did was too hard to watch. Elliot felt tears pricking at his eyes as he jogged to her side, kneeling down when she didn't respond to her name.

He shook her arm gently, "Olivia. It's alright. It's only a dream."

She didn't respond. His heart was gone, shattered into too many pieces to put back together.


	17. The Adjustment

Elliot pushed his fear aside and stood up, leaning down to Olivia's tossing body. He grasped her shoulders gently, trying to get her to wake up. He felt like if he waited any longer, he'd lose her to whoever was doing - whatever that monster was doing, whichever one it was.

"Olivia!"

His voice increased in volume as his panic grew like a storm within the parameters of his soul. He gave her a soft shake, past rationality, just needing her back.

"Liv!"

He shook her only a little harder before he felt his own hand rise above his head, slapping his partner across her stitched and bruised face. Realizing what he'd done, Elliot stumbled backwards, hitting her closet door and collapsing. Olivia's eyes had opened the moment he'd done it. She didn't know what had happened.

She only sat there, staring straight into the darkness, breathing heavily while beads of sweat made rivers down her face. She put a hand to her forehead as she got a grip, telling herself that it was just a nightmare. Her chest was still heaving when she saw him, a shadowy figure crumpled against the wall. She squinted, trying to figure out if he was an illusion or if she was really seeing it.

"El?"

His name came through a heavy exhale. She rubbed an eye, raising her eyebrows before honing in on his shape again, trying to make her vision clearer. She was sure it was him.

"Elliot, what are you doing?"

Her chest heaved slower, her heart calming after the scare subsided. He didn't move. Elliot Stabler was too stunned to cry, to breathe. His hands shook as he brought his knees to his chest and ducked into the darkness between them. He was supposed to be calm and level-headed in tough situations; after all, he was a cop. But he had lost it.

His perspective was thrown out the window the minute he saw his partner struggling. He had struck her. Damn him to hell. Hadn't she been through enough pain the past week? He didn't even hear her as she spoke to him. Olivia swung her feet over the side of the bed, pain still protesting against her movements. She ignored it, worried for the first time in a week about him.

Her joints screamed when she stood and she had to grit her teeth in order to lift her leg and walk. She felt a small pain in her cheek as she took another step. Her hand felt up to where two stitches had been disturbed. Between flashes of lightning, she could see that her hand had brought away blood.

"Damn it."

* * *

_He reached out his hand to the beautiful woman who had just walked into his life. _

_"Elliot, meet Detective Olivia Benson." _

_Cragen possessed a youthful face as he grinned at Elliot. Her brown hair rested easily on the shoulders of her gray pant-suit as she reached out her hand to shake his._

_ "I'm Elliot, Elliot Stabler." _

_She smiled, "Pleased to meet you, Elliot. I'm still Olivia." _

_Her sense of humor had him at ease already. He'd met her two minutes ago and she'd already changed his life._

* * *

Elliot looked up when he heard the crack of Olivia's knees as she sank to the floor next to him.

"What's wrong?"

He could hear her, but she seemed so far away, too far away for him to reach her. She was in another realm, one that it was impossible for him to be a part of. Olivia saw the emotion in his eyes. He wasn't ok. It made her feel empowered to finally be asking if someone else was ok rather than someone else asking her that awful question.

"El, it's ok. It was a nightmare, that's all."

Her whispers were like the breath of the night, quiet and warm. The breeze carried the words to him as his brain tried to bring him back. Olivia's hand on his arm awoke him from his trance.

"I know."

His words were quick and, they bled together as he spit them out breathily. She grabbed the doorknob on the closet, closing her eyes in pain as she tried to pull herself from her crouched position. Elliot jumped up, helping her as his senses returned.

"I'm bleeding."

She pulled her hand, wet and sticky, away from her cheek again. He walked her down the hall into the bathroom. Silently, frozen in a state of shock, Elliot dabbed a wet wash cloth to her face. She studied him, knowing how to read him accurately. She could feel the difference in dynamic between the two and it hurt more than words could say. Nothing would ever be the same. Because of those heartless men, she was forever changed.

"I'm going to get better. I just -"

she paused, not sure what she needed-

"I just need time."

He met her eyes, guilt washing over him in steady, repetitive waves.

"It's different. I wish it could just go back."

Elliot heard himself speaking the words he swore he'd never say. Olivia felt the lump in her throat return. A tear plummeted down the steep surface of her cheek as she watched his do the same.

"I'm sorry."

She felt her chin quiver as she broke eye contact. He shook his head, not able to get anything out. He helped her stand, pulling her to him. Her trembling shook him to his core as he held his cheek against her hair.

"We'll be together. We'll be ok."

* * *

Friday

The sun rose on an indifferent New York City, another Friday morning with too many vehicles and too little road. Melinda stepped out of bed, taking a deep breath as she enjoyed the serenity of a stress-less morning. She and the others had taken a few personal days to be sure they were ready if Olivia called, needing something - anything. As she did every morning, the ME flipped on the city news station. The words caught her ears -

_ "Back home and safe."_

She turned to look at the screen, showing a picture of Olivia in the airport. She leaned heavily on the counter. This was not what her colleague needed right now. People needed to stay out of her business or Melinda would shove them out of it. They changed stories quickly and she sighed, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge. As she drank it, an idea came to her mind. It was small, but it was something.

* * *

The captain parked his vehicle across the street from the precinct's main entrance and got out, headed for the door. The bookshelf was still there, candles extinguished. The dark mahogany was covered in them - tiny glass candles. There were flowers, some fresh, some having been there since the day after she went missing. A cross sat, hand-carved on one of the was joined by rosary beads and newspaper clippings.

He sighed, hoping she would get a chance to see it. He wished she had the previous night, but Elliot had brought her in the rear exit so as to not be photographed or harassed by anyone who could be waiting. He knew it was going to be a long road; one with hardly passable obstacles and deep potholes. But she would take the journey. She had no choice. With another deep breath, Cragen walked up the steps to the precinct entrance and disappeared inside.

* * *

Alex awoke to the phone ringing. She rolled over, checking the time displayed on her alarm clock before stretching to grab her cell. Her hand ran through her silky hair.

"Alexandra Cabot."

Her eyes were barley open.

"Absolutely."

She perked up immediately.

"Yeah, I will call her."

She paused to listen to the person on the other side.

"I'll see you then. Thanks, Melinda. Bye."

Alex hung up the phone and slid out of bed, now fully awake and remembering the situation she faced again. She was hoping it had all been a nightmare, that she would wake up and go to work to find everything back to normal. Not today. Not ever again.

* * *

Olivia woke up to find herself sleeping in the clutches of her favorite arm chair. The familiar smell of coffee met her nose, almost making her drool. She sat up, her body screaming in protest as the muscles made their discomfort known. The sky outside the windows was darkened with heavy clouds as the rain persisted. Even the earth was feeling down today. She inhaled deeply, willing herself to fight her body and stand up.

Elliot stood at her fridge, his eyes trained on a small sticky note on its surface as he held a glass of juice in his hand. She smiled, another reminder she was never alone.

"Good morning."

She said as she stood up and slowly made her way to the kitchen. He turned so quickly his juice nearly spilled.

"Hey."

His face was that of fear.

"Coffee?"

She nodded, "Please."

He poured her a cup and watched her sit down on a stool at the counter, taking the warm ceramic into her hands.

"What's on your agenda today?" She asked him quietly.

He shook his head, "Nothing. You?"

It felt like nothing had happened. Olivia was ignoring the feelings she had. She wanted just to be ok again. She was ready to suppress those feelings if it meant saving her friends pain.

"I'll be fine alone, El. You can do - whatever it is you do on your days off. Go home; get some real sleep. I'll call Alex or Casey."

Olivia saw the dark circles forming underneath his eyes, and she was fully aware that her nightmares and flashbacks were taking their toll on him as well. He felt a small grin, hearing the old Olivia.

"Liv, I don't think-"

"I'm serious. Go, Elliot, I'm a big girl."

She watched him hesitantly pick up his keys and open the door.

He turned back, "Don't forget to call if you need anything."

She smiled, "I won't. Thanks for staying with me."

He nodded, a smile gracing his own features.

"That's my job."

He turned to leave again, but ended up facing her again.

"I'll see you later?"

She nodded, still grinning.

"Unfortunately for you."

He left, closing the door behind him, shaking his head. She was so much better today. She sounded like the old Olivia again. He then felt his stomach fall again. He'd hit her last night. He'd made her bleed. He hoped she didn't remember, because he would never tell her.

Never.

**"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it" - J.K. Rowling**


	18. The New Day

Casey headed out to run the errands she assured Alex she'd take care of. She left the grocery store with a cart-full of items and loaded her car up, hoping this would be just enough to bring their friend back to them. She headed across town at 10:45 A.M. headed to consult with Captain Donald Cragen.

Olivia walked over to her window the moment Elliot left. The sun was beginning to make its first appearance since her return to New York City. The clouds were hanging high in the sky, as if they were waiting for her to make her decision. She could go back, back to that place of terrible darkness and pain. Or she could move on. Her breath steadily filled her lungs to capacity.

The windows in the buildings around her reflected the sun's rays into her eyes, blinding her with their reality. They stared back at her, moving on as if nothing had happened. She inhaled as deeply as she could again, letting the air move through her nose slowly, bringing her back to the world. The serene moment held her thoughts tightly.

_ I am not broken._

Her heart believed what her head was saying. Finally.

_I am here and I am ok, ready to go back to my job: helping others. _

She realized that she knew now. She knew how it felt to be degraded, made someone else's property. Olivia closed her eyes, not willing to go back. She saw a glimpse of that night, but only a glimpse. She was ready.

* * *

Elliot went straight home after leaving Olivia's apartment, hoping to catch Kathy still home. When he arrived, he found her at the sink, washing the dishes from breakfast in the sink.

"Hi."

She looked relieved to see him.

He smiled, "Hey."

"How is she?"

Kathy was concerned about Olivia, which Elliot found admirable. After everything the two women had argued about, his wife still cared about his partner.

"She's - she's hanging in there. How was your night?"

She grinned, "Sleepless. Yours?"

He nodded, returning her gesture.

"Mine too. Day off, though. I'm going to go take a nap."

He kissed her and retreated upstairs.

* * *

Cragen sat in his office having a conversation with the police commissioner over the phone. The commissioner was concerned about his detectives - especially the SVU.

"Yes, sir. Everyone is taking a few days off."

He spoke slowly.

"Yes. Thank you, I will."

He hung up the phone to see Fin entering his office slowly and quietly.

"Fin, what are you doing here?"

His voice was soft, knowing why his detective was here. Fin shut the door, taking a seat across from his captain.

"I - how -"

He stopped, searching for the right words, but not finding any. Cragen sat silently as he awaited the words to come.

"What do we do?"

Fin had never felt so helpless. He was a trained police officer, working sex crimes for years. Yet he did not know how to approach his colleague and friend of 12 years. He felt lost and unsure. It was scaring him. What if nothing was ever the same? Cragen paused for a long moment.

"We'll give her time. And we'll take it from there."

Silence pounded throughout the room as the muted sounds of phones ringing. Fin absorbed the words, feeling like there should be something more he could do.

"Why don't you go check on her, Fin? Elliot just called and told me he's gone home. Go talk to her. Ask her that question yourself."

Detective Tutuola nodded, standing.

"Thanks, Captain."

As Fin walked out of the office, he heard the familiar, interestingly calming voice.

"You're beginning to remind me a little of me."

He looked up to find Munch walking toward his desk with a handful of files, his face looking like he'd aged overnight.

Fin grinned, "What are you doing here?"

Munch dropped the files onto his desk.

"Paperwork. FBI is too high on the governmental pedestal to do it, so I got stuck with it. Thought you had the day off."

Fin shrugged, "Can't stay away from this place."

They both stood, unsure of what to say.

"Have you talked to her?" Fin asked quietly.

Munch sighed.

"No. I want to give her some space."

Fin had never seen his partner so calm, quiet. His actions were lethargic, his face was showing his lack of sleep.

"I'm heading over to see her. You wanna tag along?"

Munch shook his head, smiling a little.

"I've got a ass-load of scribbling to do. You know about tonight?"

Fin cocked his head, shaking his head again.

"Call Alex."

Munch said, sitting down and opening a file after studying it critically. Fin turned and left.

"Thanks."

* * *

The afternoon grew hot, superheated by the blazing sun. Olivia sat in the arm chair she'd slept in, an ice pack pressed to her cheek. She noticed as she stood at the window that it had swelled up angrily in the spot where she'd bled late last night. Her eyes were fixed on an invisible object somewhere near the coffee table in the middle of her living room. The images had returned - or rather they'd just resurfaced. They had not yet disappeared. She didn't think they ever would. It was her job to let them fade. Things she hadn't recalled before were coming back to her memory.

She listened.

:::

_She was pressed into the bed as the men held her down so far she nearly drowned in the sheets. Her eyes were blurred. She'd awoken before she'd realized it. Her senses were sharpened again as she felt someone violating her. Her eyes widened in fear, her silent thoughts rebounded inside her pounding head. Marco's voice met her ears as his fingers plunged painfully inside her. _

_She heard an awful sound reverberating through her ears. It split the air as it remained sustained for what seemed like hours as he tore her violently. The sound, she realized, was coming from within herself. His hand grabbed what it had entered for, and he extracted it, pain shooting from her lower body to her head. _

_"That's your next paychecks, boys." _

_Marco held up a blurred, white package. Probably three inches in diameter. Her vision blackened again._

:::

A knock on her door brought Olivia back to the present. She jumped, startled by the unexpected noise. With a disgusted exhale, she stood up. She hated herself for being like this. She was ashamed she was so jumpy and helpless to resist. Fin stood outside her door. She opened it to him, smiling as best she could, truly happy to have company again.

"Hey." He said, cautiously.

She stepped to the side, clinging to the door for support.

"Hey, Fin. Come on in."

He did so, hoping to be relieved of the awkward feeling he felt. She shut the door behind him, turning around and tossing the ice pack to the counter.

"What's up?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Just wanted to check in on you." He replied, shoving his hands into his pockets, wishing he too could disappear.

She sighed, "Fin I understand this is hard. I get that. I'm trying, I really am. I just want you to treat me like - me."

Her words brought peace to him. Olivia was still Olivia.

"I'm just angry at myself for not doing anything more. Liv, I'm sorry we didn't get there sooner."

She grinned, the same old Fin.

"Don't do that to yourself."

She said firmly.

"We can't change it."

Fin nodded, understanding.

"Listen, Alex, Melinda, and Casey want you to come down to the precinct later tonight. You up to it?"

She shifted on her feet, her eyebrows furrowing into a quizzical expression.

"What for? They can't want me back to work already."

Fin smiled again, hearing his old friend through every word she said. Maybe everything would be ok.

"I'm not allowed to tell. It'll be fun, I promise."

He gave her a soft smile as she cocked her head, mirroring his expression.

"I guess I can check it out."

He watched her fade into a different realm, her eyes fixed on the ground past his feet. His heart fell again.

"6:30 sharp? You good with that?" He asked, hoping to bring her back.

She snapped her he'd back up to look at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there."

They were enveloped in silence again.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Fin asked the question that had been pressing him for days. She was touched by his concern.

"No. I'm ok. Thanks for stopping by, Fin. I'll see you at 6:30?"

"You will."

He walked out feeling a little weight lifted off his heavy heart. Maybe - maybe she would recover; maybe everything would go back to normal; maybe he'd get to see her laugh freely again. He would wait patiently until it happened. He didn't care how long it took.

**Thanks for reading!**


	19. The Life Worth Saving

Alex arrived at the precinct at 5:45 that evening, filled plastics bags hanging from her grip. Her heels echoed throughout the short hallway from the elevators, leading into the squad room. The squad room seems oddly empty. The only familiar faces she sees are Munch, sitting at his desk with paperwork coming out of his ears, and Captain Cragen in his office, on the phone again. She greeted the forlorn man.

"You know you can take a break, Munch. Casey told me when she left here this morning, you were doing this."

She gave him a soft smile as he looked up.

"I'm expecting the FBI to come and get them soon."

He replied, standing up to grab another cup of coffee. Alex set the bags down on the conference table near the media center, reaching into one.

"Really?"

He chuckled, shaking his head, "No."

Alex set out everything in her bag, laughing a little as well. After she finished, the items lay in a line: a bundle of enveloped letters held together by a rubber band, a rolled-up poster, and the black plastic bin that had been placed near the bookshelf outside the precinct by an unknown officer. The blonde ADA crumpled the plastic bag, now empty, into the size of her fist before tossing it into the trash. Munch returned with a full mug of coffee.

"That all for Liv?" He asked.

She nodded, "I want to show her how much people missed her around here. All this stuff came from officers and victims."

"I know. I've been here."

Munch didn't mean to be short, but his lack of sleep was catching up with him. Alex nodded, feeling his small hostility.

"Casey and Melinda are on their way."

* * *

Olivia heard another knock on her door, finding herself stretched out on the couch. She hadn't been plagued with a nightmare the whole afternoon as she'd slept, and she breathed deeply, just to make sure she was awake. She stood up, feeling her body still sore, but more willing to comply.

"Liv, it's me."

It was Elliot's voice. She felt another wave of relief nearly knock her over. She didn't know what she wanted, because she was unable to decide. The thought of being alone terrified her, but then again, she didn't want to be around people as she felt withdrawn and different. Now she was just thankful for the company. She opened the door and let him come in.

"Fin called. You're coming tonight?"

He asked her. She noticed his fresh clothes and hesitated.

"Liv?"

She looked up again, "Yeah. As long as I don't have to drive."

He smiled at her, "What do you think I'm for?"

She grinned back at him, loving hearing him speak as if nothing had happened.

"I'm going to shower and change. Just, make yourself at home."

She commented as he opened her fridge and drank out of the orange juice carton. Liv shook her head and chuckled to herself as he brought the carton away, shrugging.

"If you insist."

* * *

Casey and Melinda arrived at the precinct with plates of cookies - M&M monster cookies, Olivia's favorite. They towed water cartons, liters of soda, pots of coffee, and a candy bag.

Munch reappeared from his locker, carrying something he knew meant a great to Olivia. Captain Cragen was standing near the other end of the table as the ladies all organized the goodies on the table. The captain glanced at the clock hoping to relieve his anxiety. He hoped this would mean a lot to Olivia.

* * *

Elliot and Olivia stepped onto the pavement in the parking area across from the main precinct entrance to find the streets overshadowed by the shade of tall buildings as the sun disappeared behind the sights of New York City. Olivia could already see it. There it was. The bookshelf was right there near the entrance, candles lining every square inch of the shelves. There were flowers, she saw, as they approached it.

Elliot observed her silently, making sure he knew if she could handle it all. She reached out her hand to touch a short string of rosary beads, her eyes blurring with the tears that built. There were photos of her, in the newspaper, on the news, all framed in tiny gold plates, mingled in with the candles. There were already candles lit. Olivia pulled the string of beads from the shelf, running the cool, shiny marble between her fingers.

This was for her: the crosses, the beads, the pictures, the candles, everything. They stood there for a painful, yet freeing moment as Olivia tried to swallow the scene. A lone tear slipped down her cheek, not fazed by the stitches or bruises. People had missed her. A small smile shown through the tears, and Elliot saw it immediately.

"People were here every night since you had gone missing. I saw some last night when I swung by to get the case files."

He paused.

"Even though you're home, the victims know it's not over for you, and so do the police officers."

Olivia felt her tongue lying in the bottom of her mouth, useless. So she just listened, staring at the flickering light of the multiple candles.

"They asked about you every time they saw Cragen or any of us. Officers came from across the country. Your brother was here with his wife and kids every night."

Olivia felt more tears follow the first's path. She looked down at the beads in her hand. Elliot paused, hoping she wouldn't choke on the information he was overwhelming her with. She put a hand to her mouth, stepping forward as her urge to cry long and hard grew. With a quiet sob, she reached out to grab onto a picture of her and her mother at her high school graduation.

For some reason, the familiarity of her mother brought the world crashing down around Olivia. Even though her mother had rarely shown her love toward Olivia, the thought of her being gone on top of every other emotion she was feeling, the detective felt a terrible loneliness. Elliot put a arm around her as she kept her hand over her mouth, her vision blurred by the steady flow of moisture from her eyes.

"She knows you're ok."

He said quietly. She nodded, knowing it was true.

"I know."

After standing for a good five minutes, Olivia's tears had dried into exhaustion as she stood, clinging to her partner, her head resting easily in the crook of his shoulder.

"Let's go inside. I'm sure they're looking forward to seeing you again."

Elliot gently shrugged her up and followed her into the precinct.

"It's like being at my own funeral."

She grinned a little.

"But I didn't die."

Elliot chuckled, "No. Lucky for all of us."

The air-conditioned air made both of them shiver a bit as they walked toward the elevator they'd taken together for too many years to count on their hands.

* * *

"We have anything alcoholic?" Cragen asked with a small smile.

Casey looked up from her glass of punch, "Nothing - we did that for you, Captain."

Munch picked up a plastic cup and poured fruit punch into it, handing it to his captain.

"Just pretend."

Cragen smiled, "I'll do my best."

Fin chuckled at the exchange. Alex stood, silently pacing as Melinda returned from the restroom.

"It's 6:45. Where are those two?"

Fin questioned lightly. As if on cue, the two detectives entered the squad room.

"Hey you two. Fashionably late as usual."

Casey smiled. Olivia returned the grin as she and Elliot approached the table.

"What's all this?" She asked, already knowing what the answer was.

"A little welcome-home, from us to you." Alex replied.

"I even cooked!"

Melinda motioned toward the bucket of cookies. Liv shook her head, amused.

"Cookies? Does that even count?"

Fin shrugged, "I don't know. She did better than I did."

Elliot narrowed his eyes, teasingly. "What did you bring, just so I know what not to eat."

Fin chuckled, "You got nothing to worry about, I didn't bring anything."

The entire group shared a laugh and they relaxed. Alex handed a glass of soda to Olivia as Elliot dug in bucket of cookies.

"M&M monster cookies?!"

Olivia feigned surprise as she plunged her hand in with Elliot's.

Fin nodded, "You know it."

"Get outta here. These are mine."

Liv playfully swatted Elliot's hand, withdrawing a cookie. She felt so much better. It was amazing what these people could do to her, even after such a terrible thing had happened. She stepped back, speaking through a mouthful of cookie.

"Thank you guys for doing this."

They all smiled back.

"It was our pleasure." Cragen said.

"Yeah, we're glad to have you back, Liv." Alex nodded.

They ate, drank, and spoke like nothing had changed. Olivia felt like she was home - finally. At 8:15, Casey put down her punch and headed back to the table.

"Ok, wait. We are not done here. We've got some things for you, Liv."

The conversations buzzed to a stop as everyone turned to look at Cragen, Munch, and Fin.

"A few days ago, these letters showed up on the bookshelf outside. They're all addressed to you."

Olivia put down her glass, making her way to the table and taking the large bundle into her hands.

"That's not it either."

Munch grabbed the bin of shiny pieces of metal.

"These were dropped in this bin outside by thousands of police officers who wore them during the period you were missing."

Olivia set down the bundle of letters and put her hand into the bin, pulling out a single pin. In the golden bar, a number was carved. She knew it well - 4015 - her badge number was staring back at her. The emotion dizzied her, which they each noticed immediately. Cragen put a hand on her shoulder.

"You ok?"

She nodded, tears unwilling to spill again.

"Who made these?" She turned around to look at the group.

"The 2-7 had them made for everyone who wanted one. One of our own was in trouble. They wanted to make sure everyone knew in case they could help." Elliot replied.

Olivia stared down at the metal, captivated.

"For me."

It was like she was reminding herself. She knew how it was when an officer was shot. The whole NYPD jumped in, protecting their own. But she'd never been shot. She didn't realize that they'd do that for any one of their own who was in danger.

"They put up 'missing' posters all over the city. When an officer hung one up in the precinct entry, everyone who passed through these halls took the time to write on it."

Munch handed her the rolled-up poster. Olivia didn't even have to unroll it to see that the free space was completely used up with writing.

"Ok, stop. You're going to make me cry again."

She put the items down and grabbed another cookie, trying to swallow the food with the giant lump pressing on her throat. She felt the silence pressing on her. They were all waiting for her to do something, to say something.

She sighed, "Feel free to talk amongst yourselves."

Munch shrugged, "Alright. Who wants to go to the Yankee's game tomorrow?"

"You have tickets?!" Fin and Cragen both spoke incredulously.

Munch shook his head, "No, but I still want to go."

"For that you deserve some home invasion. Baseball party at Munch's tomorrow afternoon." Fin smiled.

Olivia chuckled, turning to go use the restroom. When she looked down out of the bathroom window, she found the darkness illuminated with candles on the bookshelf. A handful of people were standing, placing things on the shelf. With a small smile, Olivia slid the window open, letting the humid night air caress her face. Life was beginning to right itself.


	20. The Missing Piece

The group dispersed around 9:30 that night after a few more glasses of pop and M&M cookies. Casey took Olivia home and planned to stay the night with her. Fin, Munch, and Elliot went out for a drink. Munch was instructed to get some sleep, and the rest of the squad was told to rest up and prepare for their on-call weekend. Cragen stood in the quiet precinct as the few night shift officers sat at their desks. He sighed and turned to grab his things from his office.

After retrieving his keys, phone, and suit jacket, the captain headed out. As he passed through the door to the outside of the precinct, he found the darkness lit up with the flickering tongues of candles. A good six or seven people stood, looking upon the memorial. When one of them saw him, she approached the captain.

"Captain Cragen."

She looked up at him. He recognized her immediately. Vicki Sayers.

"Is she ok?"

Her desperate voice got the attention of every other person in the group.

"She's going to be alright. You guys can go home. She's safe." He replied.

Vicki nodded, "Thank you."

* * *

Casey followed Olivia into the apartment, closing the door behind them.

"You can sleep wherever. Bathtub, couch, counter, whatever."

Casey chuckled, putting her bag on the floor next to the shelf in the entry. Olivia switched on the lights and then turned to face her friend.

"Thanks for staying, Casey."

The ADA nodded, "It's my pleasure, really. I missed you."

Olivia glanced at her watch - 10:04. Her body felt like it was 4:00 in the morning. She was exhausted.

"Ok. I'm going to head to bed. Listen," Liv paused, not knowing how to tell her.

"I have - nightmares."

Casey understood, "Elliot told me. You want me to wake you up?"

The detective nodded, "Yeah. Good night, Casey."

"Good night."

When Olivia slid out of her clothes, she grimaced as the fabric whisked across her skin, sending needles of pain into her body. Her bruises were healing - the old ones anyway - but her back was still raw from her "lesson." She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time since she'd been taken. Her stomach, black and blue turning to green and brown, reminded her of what she'd seen on victims for years.

She put a hand to her swollen cheek, letting the pads of her fingertips brush over the rough stitches. They'd taken so much, but most evidence of that would disappear in time - at least on the outside. Olivia looked down at her arm, the code S976537 inscribed forever in the depths of her skin. With a deep breath, she slipped into her shorts and T-shirt before burying herself in her sheets. As soon as her mind shut down, the memories fired up.

:::

_The_ _men had entered her room the first humid night. She was using the last of her energy to try to get out from beneath the man atop her. Alexi held her hands above her head as Marco held up a small object. Olivia's blood rushed through her ears as the only thing keeping her conscious - adrenaline - ran rampant through her blood stream, mingling in and out of her pores. Her breathing was erratic, coming and going in short bursts._

_"Let's see who we've got on her list."_

_Marco scrolled through something on what looked to be a phone. Olivia felt more tears slide down her face as she was crushed by Carlos and restrained by Alexi's strong grip._

_"Elliot Stabler. Who's that, Olivia?"_

_Marco mocked her. She closed her eyes as she cried. They'd found her team. She wasn't going to answer, but a crisp slap brought her back into the precarious situation._

_"Who is he?"_

_Marco had moved quickly, his anger evident. She felt blood leaking from her lip and spoke as best she could._

_"My partner."_

_Marco's was the face of evil itself, and with his grin spreading, Olivia shuddered involuntarily._

_"Would you like to talk to him?"_

_He still mocked her. She shook her head, tears making their way down her soaked face._

_"No."_

_"Too late."_

_They were going to make him listen. Marco set the phone down when Olivia heard her partner's voice._

_"Hello?"_

_Her heart broke. Alexi's hand covered her mouth._

_"Shhh."_

_She nodded, wanting his hand and its foul smells off her mouth._

_"Hello?" His voice came again._

_Olivia's scream ripped through the air as Marco slammed his fist into her jaw, burying himself within her again._

:::

Olivia sat up, he breathing labored and her body coated in sweat.

"Oh my god." She whispered.

Her brain was putting the pieces back together. This had been a piece she was missing - until now.

"Oh my god."

She whispered again as the thought paralyzed her, terrifying her to the point that she shook. Her partner had had to listen to it. All of it that horrible night.

* * *

Elliot went home after his drink with Munch and Fin, finding himself in the darkened silence of his house. He quietly proceeded up the stairs, and stopped when he reached the first door. With a turn, he opened the doorknob, seeing Eli lying in his little bed, his nightlight creating various shadows on the walls. Elliot stood for a long moment, just thankful to have his son safe. Nothing had ever seemed so scary to him. To have his partner, a woman whom he'd protected for 12 years, taken and subjected to terrible pain despite his protection was almost unbearable. A lump formed in his throat, his eyes seeing her bruises and welts again. He closed the door, retreating to the black hallway. He pressed his back against the wall, closing his eyes and tilting his head back until it made contact with the drywall behind him.

He could hear her screams, even though he hadn't been there. He didn't have to be there. That phone call nearly ended his life. His ears had been split by the first scream he'd heard. It had been her. He'd listened to the assault - two long hours of excruciating pain, taking one break to lose his supper in the bathroom. The helplessness he'd felt then had been greater than in any other moment of his life.

He wouldn't say anything about it to her until she said something to him. He wouldn't say anything to his captain either. No one would know until she remembered. Elliot wasn't going to let anyone else carry that heavy weight - the suffocation of the heart and mind. He entered his room, collapsed on his pillow, and awaited his evasive acquaintance - sleep.

Saturday

Fin awoke to sunlight pouring in his window. He placed his feet on the cool hardwood, his brain working faster than he could move. What were they to do now if they didn't have work to keep them busy? After a bland breakfast, the detective picked up the phone and dialed his friend.

"You up for a game?"

* * *

Olivia was already awake and sitting on the sofa when Casey emerged from the bathroom.

"Nice facilities." The ADA commented with a friendly smile gracing her face. Olivia turned and looked over at her.

"Thanks. Anything I can get you?" She asked.

Casey shook her head, "I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you, not the other way around."

Olivia sighed, "Right."

Casey noticed a difference in her mood, and pried cautiously, not wanting to upset her. "You have a bad night?" She asked.

"You could say that."

Her tone was serious, possibly even annoyed. Her mind was on Elliot - that new piece that had come back to her last night. Casey walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge. She heard the tense quality in Olivia's voice, and she wasn't going to press her luck. Olivia didn't even feel like there was someone else in the room. Her thoughts were making her head spin. Why hadn't he said something to her? Why hadn't Cragen or Munch or Fin asked her about it? Why hadn't they traced it and rescued her earlier?

She understood they were trying to protect her, but she felt almost betrayed that they may have known something - a terrible thing at that - longer than she had. She missed the phone ringing, her name being called. Casey said her name for the second time.

"Liv. It's Cragen."

She held her hand out, receiving the phone and pressing it to her ear.

"Yeah, Cap."

Her voice was tired, and she didn't try to hide it. Exhaustion like this was something not any person could handle without collapsing a little, if not completely.

_"Olivia, I don't want you worrying about coming in to work the next two weeks or so._"

She rolled her eyes a little, "Captain, I'm going to be fine."

_"Huang's in the city for about a week. If you'd like to talk to him, I can arrange that, but if not, I understand." _

A silence erupted between them. She had to pass a psych evaluation to go back to work - reality sunk its teeth into her broken body again.

"Uh - no. No, I - I don't think I can - talk to him about...all this."

She finally knew what it felt like to be a victim. She'd had a taste, only a taste, during her undercover operation at the prison, but now she knew what it felt like to be ashamed. She wouldn't tell Dr. Huang. She didn't want to have him know all that - that she was too weak to prevent it, that she was unable to get over it as quickly as she felt she should. Cragen nodded in understanding.

_ "I will have other arrangements made then. Two weeks, give or take, and you're welcome to come back to work. Just take it easy. I know you're impatient, but don't rush things." _

She silently nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see her. Casey watched from behind the kitchen counter. Her colleague and friend was exhausted and emotionally drained. Her face was pale, except for the bruises and cuts. Dark circles were beginning to show themselves beneath her blackened eyes. Olivia Benson had changed. After her captain hung up, Olivia texted Elliot.

_We need to talk._


	21. The Truth

_We need to talk._

Saturday

Elliot awoke to his phone buzzing. Sunlight threatened to pass through the curtains covering the windows. He checked the clock before grabbing his phone.

9:00.

Kathy was gone, the sound of a television conversation and music reverberating through the floor. He rolled to his back, seeing the text from his partner.

_We need to talk. _

He furrowed his brow in confusion, but soon felt his stomach drop. Had she remembered? Maybe she just wanted to talk to him - about it all. He typed back.

_I'll bring lunch?_ He set the phone next to him as he rubbed his eyes. It lit up again, and he knew something was wrong.

_Don't bother._

His heart stopped as he felt trapped. She was going to ask why he hadn't traced it. He was going to have to tell her. He had to - she could tell when he was lying. She'd be angry and he didn't want that. She might even shut him out, and he didn't think he could stand that.

Elliot swung his feet over the edge of his bed, standing up on the carpeted floor. She was upset. He didn't have to even hear her voice to know that. He walked downstairs slowly, contemplating his approach to Olivia. He had known her for 12 years, knew everything about her, and yet he felt completely lost and terrified by the situation.

* * *

Munch and Fin took their respective seats on the couch and recliner in Fin's apartment, a cold beer in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. The flat screen TV on the wall displayed the beginnings of the Yankees game.

"This is better than being there anyway."

Fin said with a small smile, his feet in the air on the recliner.

"Yeah. We can see the players, beer is free, and I can take a piss whenever I want."

Munch replied, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Fin shook his head, chuckling.

"What, did they strap you to your seat when you were there last?"

Munch looked over at him.

"No. Security guards wouldn't let me in because I didn't pass the purse search."

Fin laughed, "I'll give you credit. I've never heard that one before."

"Where's Cap?" Munch questioned.

"Said he slept in late."

"He sleeps?"

Fin smiled.

"He'll be here soon."

It felt so good to finally relax, if only a little bit.

* * *

Casey left Olivia's shortly after they ate a bit of breakfast. Olivia seemed upset, and Casey could tell she was only agitating her further. She told the detective to call if she needed anything and headed home. Olivia sat on her couch, reading through the letters that she'd received the previous night. She was touched by every single one. A lot of people cared about her.

She saw what an impact she'd had on lives of victims and their families through the words she read. One woman surprised and yet warmed Olivia to the core with her letter. Shawna, a cell block mate of Olivia's - or Katrina - when she was at Sealview undercover, had written a letter. Olivia couldn't believe she remembered her after three years. She smiled as she read the words as clearly written as if Shawna herself was speaking them to her.

_You're pretty badass, Detective. Have to say you're a hell of an actress too. Had me fooled with your act. You changed my life - I don't know if you know that. After you and your squad arrested Harris, everyone had a little easier time in this hell-hole. I hope you get a chance to read this letter, because we all want you back safe. You ever want revenge - you know where you can find help. Hope you're ok. (Amber wrote you a letter too. Hope you got it.) _

_You're cell-block buddy,_

_ Shawna._

Olivia smiled, her thoughts finally wandering from the piece of the puzzle she had recovered. She reached for another letter and continued reading until she drifted off into an easy slumber on her couch. His knock startled her, sending her heart into fluttering fibrillation.

"Liv."

The voice belonged to her partner. She suddenly remembered everything, her anger at a lower consistency than before, but still present. She got up, opening the door.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, her voice desperate.

He let himself in and shut the door as Olivia crossed her sore arms. He knew what she was talking about.

"Liv, I didn't want to upset you." His voice answered her calmly.

"Well that idea fell kinda flat, now didn't it?"

Biting sarcasm: Olivia benson was best at it. He clenched his jaw, not wanting to sit there and take it, his temper rising.

"It's not my job to remind you what happened. I don't want to hurt you. You know that. That's not what I signed on for, and I won't do it."

She bit her lip, anger, disappointment, betrayal and every other emotion begging her to cry.

"You've done it before, and you didn't seem to have a problem with it. I've been through hell. All you had to do was open your mouth and tell me. It happened to me - I shouldn't be the one in the dark. You can't play God, Elliot. We tell each other everything; how is this any different?"

Her anger was beginning to surface as the lump formed again in her throat. His expression changed to one of defense.

"You really think it would have been a good idea for me to remind you?! You can't sleep at night. Knowing about this earlier wouldn't have helped you."

Elliot retorted. She felt her chin quiver, and she knew he'd seen it. He felt his voice soften.

"Liv, I didn't think you'd feel -"

"Like what? A victim? I've worked with victims my whole life - heard their stories, felt their pain, but you don't know what it's like until it happens. I can't look at you guys the same! You've seen me weak, broken down, humiliated. That's not me. I'm supposed to be fearless, capable of watching my own back. There's no possible way you could see me like I was before."

The words left her mouth without even letting her know of their escape. Her heart was spewing the things she'd been holding in ever since she'd been reunited with her friends. Elliot couldn't help it. He snapped, spilling the thoughts clogging his head and his heart.

"You think this is easy for me? I wanted to die when I found out you were gone. I have protected you for the last 12 years and you were taken and tortured under my watch. I can't look at you the same anymore, damn right! I can't because you're not the same."

Olivia yelled back, tears running over her cheeks. She didn't feel them.

"This isn't about you! I don't care how_ 'hard'_ it is for you! You can't possibly have it as hard as I do. I was kidnapped, beaten -"

She stopped, willing herself to spit the word out

"- raped. I don't care what you feel. Your job is to suck it up and help me out. I can't be superwoman all the time, Elliot. You can't expect me to go through what I have and not change."

Her throat stung from the raspy words escaping her. Her eyes stung with salty tears. She never thought she'd say that. Admitting she had weakness like every other human was just something Olivia Benson didn't do. He stood, paralyzed. She was right. Every word she said was true.

"You got that call on Monday night."

Her voice was calming down as she ran out of energy to yell.

"Why the hell did it take you until Wednesday to storm the house?"

She felt the true reason of her anger leaking out of her. She wasn't so angry because he hadn't told her, she was angry that he hadn't used the painful call to get to her sooner. Elliot knew she'd ask this, and he knew he couldn't lie to her. She read his face and became impatient.

"What? You all heard it! The least you could've done was tracked it. The FBI has resources. You could've gotten to me Tuesday morning."

Hurt radiated from his confused partner. He looked up and saw the small fire still burning in her eyes.

"I wouldn't let them hear that. I -" he hesitated, not willing to tell the truth.

His gaze returned to the floor, Olivia seeing him as a coward. But inside, she felt a peace spread through her heart. She didn't have to feel this way in the presence of her colleagues because they hadn't known.

"I - he said he'd know if I traced it. He said he'd drag me down there after he killed you - and make me -"

She heard the crack in his voice.

"- Make me do what he was to your - cold body." She breathed deeply, hoping she wouldn't pass out.

"I never heard him say that."

She spoke more to herself than to him.

"You blacked out. He told me. I could hear it."

They stood, only empty space separating the two of them.

"They have others all over the country, scouting out women."

"They told me they'd picked me because I took the bait."

Olivia was confused, feeling lost again.

Elliot nodded, "They did. But they knew where I was - where we were."

They fell silent again.

"I wasn't going to take that risk."

Olivia shook her head, "You should have. I would've taken the bullet if I knew what they were going to do to me."

Her emotions overwhelmed her.

"Get out." Her lips shakily let the whisper slip out.

Elliot's heart sank. Wordlessly he exited the apartment. After more than decade, the trust they'd been building was shattered in mere moments. Their trust - and Elliot's heart.


	22. The Unbreakable

Elliot left the building slowly, as if in a daze. The truth had come out and now she had lost her trust in him. He unlocked his vehicle, stepping inside the superheated interior. He sat in the scorching heat for a minute, just letting his brain process what had just happened.

There was not a thing he could do now but wait. Maybe she'd understand what he'd been trying to do for her. Maybe she'd forgive him. With a final look up at her window, Elliot left the parking lot and sped off into the traffic.

* * *

Olivia watched him go. She had wanted desperately to go down and ask him not to leave her alone. Her thoughts were the scariest thing haunting her now, and she hated to be alone with them, afraid they'd consume her. Liv took a seat heavily on the couch, thinking about what she'd said, what he had said back.

They had threatened to kill her if he tried to use that awful call to save her. They had used him just as they used her. He should have told her; that's what partners do. But her heart was softening. She hated the way she was captive to her differentiating moods. She hated herself for saying what she had.

He had saved her two days later. She was alive. She was ok. One phone call wouldn't have saved her the pain of those additional nights. With a sigh, Olivia picked herself up off the couch and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water to sooth her throat.

"You were right."

She caught herself whispering it aloud.

* * *

Cragen had arrived at Fin's house close to 12:30, sporting a Yankees jersey as well as a supportive baseball hat. The three were only an hour and a half into the game when the captain began to snore.

"Good god." Munch said, throwing his arms into the air.

"It's like he swallowed a lawn mower."

Fin chuckled, "I thought he said he'd slept in today."

Munch shook his head, "Maybe he just 'laid' in his bed this morning."

They shrugged, returning to the game. Both their minds had wandered, though. After a moment of no conversation, Munch spoke up.

"You think she'll get help?"

Fin knew that was the question no one could answer.

"I don't know. The old Olivia Benson - she hated having just to be cleared to get back on the job."

"Maybe she'll change her mind now. I don't think we have much more to give her."

Munch popped a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"Someone's gonna need to talk to her about it, because she won't do it on her own. I know her well enough to know that." Fin replied, leaning back further in his recliner.

"I vote Elliot."

"I think we should all be there."

Munch looked at his partner, "She won't like that much. I know her well enough to know that too."

Fin shrugged.

"Maybe it'll just be enough to get her back to where she needs to be."

* * *

No one came to Olivia's apartment as the light faded to purple, and then to a deep black. She took a deep breath, knowing she was taking a step - staying overnight alone. It seemed like too big a step too soon. She washed her dish from her small supper and placed it on the drying rack, wiping her hands on her pants.

Her own footsteps were unnerving to her as she made her way to her bedroom to change. Butterflies threatened to eat her from the inside out as her anxiety remained. She went to bed, her heart pounding against her chest, the lamp beside her bed still on, her eyes on the ceiling. Sleep came after what seemed like hours, and she fell into another memory.

:::

_The night darkened, and the sounds escalated. From her bed, she could feel her body throbbing in the heat. Her head was pained as if millions of tiny workers were chipping away at her skull with pick axes. The humidity blew through the open window of her bedroom in sheets of tangible atmosphere. The white sheets lay wrinkled around her, her hair spread around her like a halo, littering the covers with shades of brown. _

_She stared at the ceiling, an arm near her side, the other resting, immobile above her head. Her chest rose and fell at a steady pace as her mind raced and held completely still at the same time. She was incredibly calm - this she could feel within herself. The lids of her eyes never cut out the world as her two brown orbs stared, unblinking, at the textured vaulted ceiling. It was in that moment that she felt the helplessness sink into her skin, her bones, her blood. _

_She hated it. She hated the awful feeling inside her. Her heart was converting to save her from further pain, but it wasn't working. Her brain was accepting her fate. Olivia had never felt like this before. She could always do something before, help others, help herself, but she was incapable of saving herself now. Her mind wandered to her team, her friends, her family. The thoughts dissipated the moment the door opened. _

_"Hello, Baby."_

:::

She jolted awake, not willing to watch herself be attacked again. Something had changed. The lamp beside her bed was no longer casting shadows around the room. She sat up in the blackness, wincing at the protest her back made. Another blanket comforted her, one that she didn't remember putting on herself. Her breathing slowed; her heart stilled.

Elliot was here. She could see his bag propped up against the side of the coffee table as he slept on the couch, the kitchen light bouncing off his relaxed body. She smiled, happier to see him than she ever had been before in her life. Even after what she'd said, he cared enough to come back. Knowing he was only feet away, Olivia lay back and fell into a nightmare-less sleep.

* * *

It was Elliot who had the nightmare.

:::

_He was pushed into her room, seeing immediately her pale body reflected in the moonlight. There was no blood, no injury, just cold, pale Olivia. Her eyes were closed, as if she were only sleeping in the clutches of Death's arms. The demonic voice behind him came accompanied with the click of a gun. _

_"Get over there." _

_He approached his partner's body, emotionless. She lay on her back amongst the sheets which rippled like waves every time the breeze washed through the window. It hit his face as well. Almost too real. Her right hand was lying above her head, her face turned slightly to the right. Her left arm lay across her abdomen as her hair was sprawled around her. She looked like an angel, resting in the arms of The Lord himself. _

_She was the most beautiful he'd ever seen her. When he touched her hand, so perfect and smooth, he could feel the vacant life. She was not here. She had gone forever to another place, never to return to him again. His mind immediately played the many small things they'd shared that made his life as close to complete as he could ever want it. He remembered the small things he never had really noted as special. _

_Her young smile the first day.__Their embrace - however many they'd shared. His breakfast stop at her home (stealing her orange juice). The faint smile she gave him late at night across her desk. The wide smile she brought out only on special occasions. Her laugh at his joke. Her glassy, misted eyes on more days than one. The steam her breath made in the middle of winter. _

_Now he stared at her paled lips, not another breath to ever pass through their barrier._

:::

Elliot rolled from his side to his back, his one knee high in the air as his extended right leg dangled over the back of the couch. He placed a hand behind his head as his thoughts ran in front of his brain. He could still hear the steady breathing from the other room, letting him know without a doubt she was ok.

No whimpering. No screaming. Nothing to indicate she was held captive in the darkness of another nightmare. He sighed, closing his eyes again and falling into a deep sleep. Like always before, their minds and hearts were in unison. They both slept easily, only air separating them form each other.

The calm spread throughout the apartment. Even though the two were not aware of it, their unconscious knew the feeling and allowed them to both sleep in the serenity of it. Whether or not they believed it, their trust had never been broken - never even cracked. It couldn't be. Families will bend, but the bond shared between those within will not break. And so they slept beneath a cloud of silent forgiveness.

Please review :)


	23. The Confession

**I added some Spanish in this chapter - just a couple phrases. But I'm not a Spanish-speaker. Not even close. If you do speak Spanish, please be gentle :) **

_And so they slept beneath a cloud of silent forgiveness._

Sunday

The sun crept above the horizon and the sky responded with dull changes in its color. The air was already warm and damp when the first light reflected on the busy peacefulness of the city. She awoke to the air filtering through her nose. She opened her eyes, an unfamiliar feeling settling on her.

She felt well rested for the first time in days. Her body only protested a little when she forced herself out of the warm sheets and sat up with her feet landing on the hardwood floor surrounding her bed. Her eyes met his shape, breathing easily on her couch as he slept. She smiled, but felt a twinge of fear, and one of anger, when she caught him in her sights. She was angry, but she regretted what she'd said.

She felt her brain process her new thoughts. He'd been hurt, terrified even by what the man on the phone had said. She saw it in his eyes the moment she met his gaze the previous evening. And now her heart was heavy, her guard down. Still, after she'd used such language in response to a favor he'd done for her, he had put aside his hurt and comforted her last night. She felt the lump return to her throat as she stood up.

The apartment, barely lit by any light at all, was full of dim, calm air. She walked slowly out to where he lay and sat down, her back leaning against the glass coffee table as her legs curled up to her chest in front of the couch. She watched his chest move slowly up and down as he slept deeply. She held so much respect for him that it hurt. He hadn't made the wrong decision.

It was not his fault she'd been taken, and it certainly wasn't his fault that it had taken a while to find her. After running a hand through her hair, she reached out and closed her hand gently around his wrist, remembering how many times they'd done it before.

:::

_He was lying in the bottom bunk of a bed when she opened the door, his shirtsleeves rolled to his mid-forearm as he lay with his eyes shutting out the particularly difficult day. She felt herself smiling as she approached his relaxed form, kneeling down and wrapping her fingers gently around his wrist. His gaze met hers as he awoke._

_The night she slept in her desk, her mind collapsing under 37 hours of steadily-supplied information. She'd felt his hand on her wrist, awaking her from her rest and smiling, his voice telling her to get some rest. _I've got it_. He'd said with a smile._

_That awful evening when he'd been shot. She knelt next to his bleeding body in the street, running her hand over his head softly, trying to convince herself (and him) that he was going to be alright. He'd settled his weak grip on her wrist as she waited for the paramedics to arrive. She did the same to his as he did to hers. And they sat in the darkness, a new feeling of calm even in the storm spreading through them._

_The day he had stepped off the curb at the precinct, his eyesight suffering from the blow he'd endured in the arrest of a suspect. Having orders to take him home, she walked out right next to him. She'd caught him easily, wrapping one hand around his wrist - surprisingly gently - and the other behind his back. She let go only she they'd reached the car and stepped out of the city's rhythmless music._

:::

He felt her, immediately recognizing the gesture. He remembered it from so many years before. He opened his eyes. The first time they'd comforted one another with that gesture was when they were both young - young and new partners. He expected to see her face back then as he did behind his eyelids. Instead her found her face, touched not only by age, but also with experience, intelligence, and grace. Her features, as sharp as they'd ever been had him wide awake.

She brought her hand to rest on her knees after releasing his arm. He didn't feel the need to move, so he pushed himself up slightly on the couch and lay looking into her eyes. She swallowed.

"I'm sorry." She felt herself letting it go.

He blinked, needing to tell her what he'd done. He hoped it gave her reassurance.

"Liv, I gave the number to an analyst after the call ended. It didn't exist. That's how they knew it was their guys. They'd been watching them, but didn't have solid evidence against them. That call sent the search to the drug house in Mexico."

His voice was deeper than usual, not yet acquainted with the ability to speak at full level yet. She looked up at him again, a new wave of guilt hitting her. He studied his partner for a moment. The words hung in the air, unwilling to exit either of the two's mouths. She looked down momentarily. Elliot felt his mouth moving involuntarily, words slipping from his heart.

"When I opened the door, I thought I'd find you dead."

She swallowed.

"I was so mad at myself that I'd let you go out there alone. After all these years of watching your back - putting my life in your hands and keeping yours in mine -"

He paused, finally meeting her gaze again. His thought shifted.

"You saved my life every time I handed it to you. I almost lost yours."

He finished quietly. He felt the familiar lump in his throat as he made his confession. She listened intently, he could tell.

"I just wish I could go back. Do it over again - differently."

She shook her head as his words brought tears to her eyes. She could not stop them and she didn't even care.

"No."

The one word she was capable of choking out met his ears.

"God, I'm sorry, Liv. I'm sorry for what they did to you."

He heard her screams again.

"I've never felt so sick in my life."

She felt her heart slow and melt.

"I had to convince myself that it really was you, and after I did - I -." He was unable to finish. Was he to tell her he threw up? He sobbed hysterically? He threw a fist and a foot threw the drywall of the room? She choked down another sob.

_"Ella va a morir." _

He looked up again at her words. She wiped a tear away from her face.

"'She will die.' You must have missed that part."

Her voice shook with emotion.

"He told me that I had to say something to you."

Elliot sat up farther.

_"Usted hizo esto a Ella." _

He closed his eyes, squeezing them and hoping to contain the tears that were now streaming down his face. His throat closed, hearing those words again. He had heard them that night. He had believed them too. Olivia wrapped her fingers around both his wrist again, settling her head on the side of the couch where she sat.

:::

_His heart hurt - if that was even possible. The sounds of the men who he knew were inside her, around her, on her, made him sick to his stomach. In the midst of their pleasure, he could hear her whimpering every once in a while. In that small sound, he could hear the pain. A gruff voice groaned out the phrase as he finished off within his partner._

_ "Usted hizo esto a Ella." _

_He heard her cry out as the man filled her. He wanted to die. He wished he could. He held his head in his hands, squeezing his temples so hard it was painful. _

_'You did this to her.' _

_Part of him, no, most of him believed it. Then, after the sound of a slap and a small scream, her voice repeated the words. He heard her choking on her own sobs._

_ "Usted hizo esto a mí."_

:::

"I'm sorry."

Elliot heard himself repeat as he struggled to handle himself. She held his wrists, moving to fold his hands in hers.

"So am I."

They remained still, letting the truth rain down upon them.

* * *

Cragen made the call that morning. He set up an appointment for his detective with a therapist. She might be happy with it, he knew that, but she needed to get cleared to get back to work - in time. This, he felt, might make her see through her stubborn eyes that she could use help in a time like this. Moments after he hung up the phone, his cell rang. He alerted his other detectives that they'd been called in before he left for the precinct.

* * *

Munch stumbled into the precinct with a cup of coffee in his hand. Fin looked up from his desk.

"Whoa. Where'd you go last night?"

Munch shook his head, "Wherever it was, I definitely regret it."

Fin chuckled at his hungover partner.

"You just have too much fun, ol' man."

Elliot walked in soon after the first two did.

"Sorry about your weekend."

The captain exited his office quickly. They all shrugged, having heard that line for years.

"We've got a rape-homocide in lower Manhattan. Looks to be the third victim of one killer. Same MO, same timeline."

He said with a curt nod.

"Aright." Elliot turned back to his fellow detectives.

"Just don't let Munch drive."

Fin smiled as both he and Elliot watched his partner dizzily stand and point at them. Even Elliot couldn't contain a smile.

"What happened to you?"

Munch shook his finger, "That is for me to find out and you to know." The two laughed.

"Flip that around then - never mind - let's go."

Elliot rubbed his eyes as he followed the two down the hall. He wiped his eyes, still wet from his crying. But he felt the weight beginning to lift. He hoped he was helping lift the heavy burden off his partner as well. It was a long road ahead. But not too long. Not for him, anyway.


	24. The Wall

Olivia stepped outside her home alone for the first time. She felt her breathing quicken as she heard the business of the city. A deep breath calmed her, and she walked out to the front sidewalk, hailing a taxi. She didn't yet trust herself to drive in the craziness that was New York City. She was nervous.

She never enjoyed getting her head shrunk, and that was before anything had even happened to her. She would have to talk about what happened, something she was not yet willing to do. When she'd received the text from her captain telling her about the appointment he'd made, she felt cornered. She still did.

* * *

The detectives worked hard throughout the morning, speaking with CSU and witnesses, family and friends. Fin and the others headed back to the precinct at noon to talk to the captain after they'd gotten his call.

"Captain."

Elliot was not happy, Cragen could see that. Fin shut the door behind them.

"The last thing we need here is new blood. You know that better than any of us. I'm not really in a mood to make friends."

His words flowed easily, floating on an angry tone. Cragen stood, knowing this would be his reaction.

"Olivia's not coming back right now and we need someone to fill in for her. There are still rapists out there that we need to catch regardless of our moods."

He fired back, his lack of sleep evident to Fin, Munch, and Elliot.

"Captain, we can handle it."

Fin replied calmly, also unwilling to let another person invade their lives in the squad room. Cragen sighed. He knew very well that he would lose his temper if he spoke to soon.

"Nobody can bounce back that fast, no matter how good the squad is. You guys are no different. We just need a little boost here - Someone who's getting more sleep, who is completely focused."

Silence screamed in their ears as they processed the indescribably true words of their leader.

"He's a good detective, on loan to us from Queens SVU. He'll be helping cover cases until Liv comes back."

The captain's voice was even softer than before. Elliot nodded, still biting his lips to keep in offensive words. When they turned to leave, Cragen said what he really needed to.

"We are going to talk tonight, alright? I'll let you out of here by 9:00."

Munch nodded, "Deal."

"Yeah, sure." Fin's reply was accompanied with a shrug.

Elliot let his lip slip away from his teeth.

"Alright."

Cragen watched his detectives leave.

* * *

"My team came that afternoon with the FBI. When I saw my partner come through my door -"

Olivia stopped, looking up from where her hands were tangled in a knot. She met the eyes of the sympathetic woman holding a notepad in her lap and watching her intently. She sighed, sitting back on the couch.

"I didn't want him to see me like that."

The woman tipped her pen to the side, "Like what?"

Her tone irritated Olivia.

"Dirty, broken."

She stopped again, swallowing hard.

"Weak."

The woman nodded. She was not willing to spill about the details of her attack, so she began the day she was rescued. Only after a half hour of hostility did Olivia start talking a little more openly.

"Have you both talked about that?"

Liv nodded, "Yes."

"You went to the hospital after that?"

She sighed again, "They put me back together again - on the outside anyway."

She hated how this woman made her feel so comfortable that she could say just about anything, but not quite. She let herself go at long last and admitted what she felt.

"I've always told victims that the pain will go away and that it's just part of the process being questioned again and again. But when that doctor was doing everything those men did to me -"

Her voice shook slightly.

"It was like I was right back in that house in that moment."

The woman sitting across from her sat in silence, unwilling to interrupt Olivia's thoughts.

"I never knew how painful it really was for victims. Now I am one."

Her gaze returned to her hands, the toughest words she'd said just exiting her mouth. A victim.

"But you are now right there with those you help."

"You have no idea how many times they yell at me and tell me that I'll have no idea what it feels like until I'm raped. I've worked for over a decade battling the sickness in this country. But every time I put one away, there are fifteen just like them - worse even."

It was like she couldn't stop the words from lifting off her chest without a minute of hesitation. She felt like something was healing inside her, just in the past hour. She kept the feelings about her career field flowing so as to avoid being asked questions like _'what happened those nights?_' or '_what did they do to you_?'

"You're making a difference, Olivia. You saw those candles, the pins the officers made. I heard about it on the news every night."

Olivia smiled a little, finally letting herself see that it was true.

"Thank you." She said, feeling surprisingly lighter than when she'd entered the room. In a hesitant moment, she asked the woman the question she felt she never would.

"Could we do this a few days a week?"

If this was a feeling she got after talking openly, she wanted to do it more often. She decided to take the next step.

The woman smiled, "Absolutely. Lets do Monday, Wednesday, Friday?"

Liv stood, "That'll work."

She shook the woman's hand, "Tell your captain that this was worth it on my day off. Call me anytime."

"I will."

Olivia left the office feeling freed. A brick in her wall had crumbled and fallen to the ground.

* * *

The new detective entered the squad room at 3:00 that afternoon to find the SVU squad working diligently at their desks and the media center.

"Elliot Stabler."

His voice made Elliot turn and stand.

"Who's asking?"

He shook the man's hand.

"Sean Corcoran, Queens SVU. They booted me over here to help you guys out."

The man was taller than Elliot, his dark hair cut as neatly as his short beard.

"Ah, right."

He pointed over his shoulder, "Munch, Fin."

Sean made his way around Elliot, shaking both the other detectives' hands with a smile on his face.

"So you guys make up the A-team, huh?"

"A-team? Us?" Munch pointed at himself, his eyebrows high on his forehead.

"Sure. We keep close tabs on you. Good work ethic, high conviction rate here." Sean replied.

"Good work ethic? You still talking about us?" Fin questioned, eyeing Elliot with a smile.

The captain interrupted the 'fun', to Elliot's great relief. He wanted to be working next to his partner, Olivia, not some stranger.

"I see you've met Sean."

"Yeah. Strange character." Munch replied, making them all smile.

"Fill him in on your case, you have until 7:00 and then I'm sending him home."

Cragen nodded and disappeared back in his office.

* * *

The lights began to light up the sleepless city as daylight retreated. After a supper with Casey, Alex, and Melinda, Olivia entered her apartment with a smile gracing her face. It had been a good day - the best day so far. She tossed her keys onto the counter before dropping her purse alongside the fridge.

Her palms spread on the cool granite, the weight of her body resting on her hands, now able to carry it. A few deep breaths eased the building sense of suffocation, and she sat down on the couch to do something normal. She watched a movie - Despicable Me. She deserved a rest, she knew that. So she sat with her bowl of popcorn and water bottle and forgot for a moment what she had to be scared of.

* * *

As promised, at 7:00 after hours of grueling work, Captain Cragen came out of his office and excused Sean.

"You three."

He motioned for them in his office and waited until they were all in to shut the door. He sat down behind his desk as the others found seats around his office.

"I know you guys have things you want to say. Maybe you don't even know you do, but when you find out, you can talk to me about it. Just talk - to each other - to yourself - whoever. As long as you talk."

They sat in silence for a good ten minutes, just thinking alongside one another.

"I thought we were going to be too late."

Cragen began truthfully.

"So did I." Munch replied.

"When we raided that house, I had to do everything I could to not shoot every man in there. She understands how she deserves to be treated, and those men took that from her." Elliot finally spoke.

"When I saw her in that room, I already felt like she was dead. Her blood - I thought she was gone."

They hadn't heard this before, yet they understood.

"I thought the same thing when you came out with her. I thought there was no way we'd ever have our Liv back." Fin replied.

Silence filled the room for another long moment.

"I felt helpless here while you guys were out there." Munch said quietly.

Silence.

"After years of being her captain, I thought I could protect her, and you guys, from that kind of a thing. I wanted to do something so bad to find her, but couldn't. I hated that feeling. I needed to get over that barrier and I couldn't."

Cragen finished. They talked and sat in long periods of silence until 9:00. Cragen dismissed them, each with a lesser burden.

* * *

"You staying with her tonight?" Fin asked Elliot as they exited the building.

"No. Kathy wants me home tonight." Elliot replied.

"You should go over there and stay tonight, Fin. She's not ready to spend a night in her own head alone yet."

Fin nodded, "I'll call her. See you tomorrow, Stabler."

"Goodnight, Fin."

* * *

Olivia answered the door when she heard the knock at 9:45, letting Fin enter with his bag.

"Hey, baby girl."

He smiled and was answered with a mirrored expression, one that melted his heart.

"You can put your bag in the living room."

She motioned to the couch and followed him.

"You want anything to drink?" She asked from the kitchen.

He smiled, "Nah. What are you doing here?"

He tripped over the blanket and noted the popcorn and water.

"Movie night." She answered, returning with another bag of popcorn.

They both sat down on the couch, Olivia very near her 'big brother' to feel safe, which she did.

"Here."

After dumping the bag of popcorn into a separate bowl, she handed it to him and then took one of her own into her lap.

He chuckled, "What are we watching?"

He stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"Lion King." She replied, pressing 'play' on the remote.

"It's a little scary, isn't it?" He teased her.

She put her hand around his arm, "That's why I've got you here."

He smiled again. Olivia Benson was unbreakable. She could crack, bend maybe, but she'd never shatter completely. With a strong sense of pride toward her in himself, Fin let himself relax and enjoy the evening.


	25. The Fearless

Fin awoke to feel a pressure on his shoulder, his ears also aware of music. He blinked, the TV still replayed the menu option music for the_ Lion King_ as Olivia's body leaned against his. He looked at the clock on the microwave behind them.

1:56

He chuckled, _where did the time go?_

He leaned forward slowly, her body following his, refusing to let go.

"Liv."

He spoke softly.

"Olivia. Come on; my neck is going to be in rough shape tomorrow if I sleep all night like this."

Her mumbled response made him smile.

"But I'm comfortable."

She didn't move, didn't open her eyes, just spoke in her dry, crackly middle-of-the-night voice.

"You'll be more comfortable in your bed. Come on."

He stood up as she sat up off his shoulder. He led her to her bed and pulled the covers back.

"Thanks for staying, Fin." She said in that same voice as she sat down.

"Anytime, Liv. Goodnight."

He left her room for the couch. He put his head back on the pillow after turning the TV off, a smile still pasted on his face. Olivia felt herself falling into the clutches of another memory.

:::

_She opened her eyes to see a streak of the moon's light reaching for her across the marble floor. Her left eye was almost unable to open in the darkness. Her entire body was pulsing, throbbing as the blood passed through her extremities, her body desperately trying to repair the gashes in her skin. She could do nothing but lie there in great pain, filling her lungs until her chest pressed against the cool floor, and emptying them until her ribs retreated away from it. _

_Her cheek was pressed against the floor, a small pool of blood cushioning it. Her palms made contact with the floor as she was still, motionless. Her torso, twisted in an odd position, was fighting against her legs which were loosely bent below her. She listened to the wind tickle the curtains, wrapping them in a light breath of wet air. She thought she was going to die if she hadn't already died. She wished she would die. She'd had enough._

:::

Olivia opened her eyes slowly, finding herself in her room on her back in her bed. Safe. It was not as terrifying as others had been, but it still invaded her mind as if it wished to destroy her. She'd have to fight it, she knew that. And fight she would. She glanced out into the living room, just to reassure herself. There was Fin. He was lying on his side, his left arm beneath the pillow at his head as his mouth hung open and soft snores came out. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes again.

Monday

"I can use it to help gain other victims' trust. I have a connection on a new level to all of them."

Olivia spoke to her therapist, Julie, again.

"I agree." She answered.

Olivia paused. She was still not ready to tell the therapist about the details of her attacks, but she was ready to talk a little about the aftermath.

"I have nightmares. It started with flashbacks in the middle of the day. I could be anywhere and then go back to that place again without being able to stop it." She said softly.

Julie nodded slowly.

"Have the flashbacks gotten better at all?"

"I don't have them in the middle of the day anymore, but I do go back every night." Liv replied.

"They will go away with time, but it's just something that has to improve slowly. And it will improve."

Another bout of silence. Olivia refused to speak as she experienced a loss of words.

"You're a strong woman, Olivia. You're going to get through this."

She nodded. "I know."

She looked down at her hands and voiced her thoughts.

"I just don't know what shape I'll be in when I get to the other side of it."

"If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll be just fine. I promise."

* * *

Sean welcomed the detectives at 8:00 the next morning, already hard at work with the files and information they already had.

"Morning." He said, not even looking up.

Elliot looked back at Fin and Munch, already seated at their desks. They both shrugged.

"I've got something."

The three men approached the newer member of their team at the media center.

"This guy has no known occupation or residence, right?"

Sean spoke so fast they could barely process his words.

"We don't even know who he is. What'd you get?" Fin asked.

"I've got rapes that have the exact same MO across the country. They follow a route commonly taken by cross-country -"

"Truckers." Elliot finished quietly, impressed by the work of Sean.

"Exactly. I'm working on a place of residence. Maybe we can get a hit on a credit card or something used more in one city than any others."

"Slow down, Sherlock. We need to ID him first." Elliot said.

Munch laid a hand on Sean's shoulder.

"How long have you been here?"

Sean grinned, "Five or so. I need to step up my game for you guys."

"Go get yourself some coffee; you look like you need it. We'll pick it up from here and fill you in when you get back."

Munch nodded at Sean, who did not argue.

"Thanks."

Elliot sat down where Sean had been.

"He's good." Elliot admitted.

"He's still not Olivia." Fin replied.

"I don't think he ever will be, physically."

Munch had to throw in a smart comment. Fin shook his head, still amused by the dry jokes his partner made.

* * *

Olivia left the office and got herself a cup of coffee before walking toward the precinct. The fresh air was a scent she welcomed, and now that her body was feeling somewhat better, she felt she could use some mind-freeing exercise. After three blocks of walking, sunshine, and people, Olivia felt more comfortable in her city was still her home. They hadn't taken that away.

The horns still made her heart leap, but she wasn't affected like she had been when she'd first returned. She felt proud of how far she'd already come. She let herself smile in the warm morning sunshine reflecting off of buildings. It was a beautiful day to be alive. She walked into the main entrance of the precinct, showing her badge to the desk sergeant on the first floor.

"Welcome home, Detective Benson."

The man smiled at her as she lifted her sunglasses off her face.

She smiled, "Thanks, Tom. It's good to see you again."

"You too. Still know the way up to the squad room?" He teased.

She chuckled, "We'll see."

The elevator took her up to her floor, and she felt comfortable and safe walking down the familiar hallway into the squad room. She found her best friends standing around the media center after looking around. She approached them easily, not feeling hesitation or embarrassment - finally. Fin turned around first.

"Hey, look who showed up. Mornin' Liv."

He smiled and she returned with a smile of her own.

"You're late." Munch smiled as well.

"As always. Wouldn't want to disappoint you guys." She replied.

"Just the three of you today?"

Elliot shook his head, "We sent our new friend for coffee. Hope he knows he was supposed to get us some too."

She set her coffee down.

"I see. Well, I just need to talk to Cragen. Heard you caught a tough case." She said.

watching them made her miss working more than she had realized. She wanted to come back.

They nodded, "We don't even know this guy's real name."

She looked intently at the screen, "He has a certain MO?"

"He knocks them out and kills them before he rapes them - most in alleyways at night - and after he's done, he takes their jewelry - and fingers - and makes a break for it." Elliot replied.

Liv shook her head. "That's sick."

"They all are, baby." Fin nodded.

She sighed, picking up her cup again.

"Well don't let me interrupt. Good luck."

They watched her knock on the captain's door and disappear inside.

"You think he'll ask her about tonight?" Fin questioned.

* * *

Cragen heard her knock as he was filing case-files. The door opened before he could answer. She surprised him.

"Olivia."

His tone showed his surprise. She closed the door behind her, leaning on the table in his room.

"I wanted to talk to you." She said quietly.

He came around the front of his desk, leaning back on the oak of his desk opposite from her.

"I'm all ears." He answered honestly.

"I'm going to take this week off."

He raised his eyebrows.

"And next week." He finished for her.

She rolled her eyes with a small grin, "We'll see."

She paused, looking down before meeting his eyes again.

"Have you heard anything about the case?" She spoke softly.

He nodded. "I just got off the phone with the chief of the FBI's drug task force. They said they have the men on thousands of counts of possession and distribution. FBI recovered four million dollars in cash at the home in Mexico City. The men will be charged with drug trafficking and kidnapping. They've teamed up with the human trafficking task force as well to prosecute this case. They're going away for life - no parole. Evidence is solid. Jury won't see any witnesses."

"What about rape? All those women were tortured." She said forcefully.

Cragen nodded his head, "Most of the women who the men kidnapped have given statements to be read in front of the jury. They'll go away for rape too."

"And what about me?" She asked, a lump choking her again.

Her captain sighed.

"No one is going to force you to make a statement, Liv. They won't need you to put the men away for centuries."

Olivia let out the breath she'd been holding, for how long she didn't know. She knew, though, that she had to get justice for herself. She planned to give a statement. Every other victim she'd worked with had had the courage to go to trail and tell their stories.

"We'll see what happens."

He paused.

"Listen, if you're up to it, the guys were talking about going out tonight. They really want you to come." Cragen said cautiously.

She smirked, "Are you one of those guys? Because if you aren't, I'm not going."

He chuckled, "I'll go if you do."

"Deal." She got up to leave.

"Liv, are you talking to anybody?"

Cragen didn't want to press, but he wanted his detective to be alright.

She turned, "Yeah. I'm going regularly to Julie Milton. Maybe she'll clear me for duty soon."

He chuckled. "Maybe. Good for you, Liv."

He was proud of her for seeking help alone. She turned to leave again, but found herself facing him once more.

"What are we supposed to wear for this night out?"

He hesitated, "They told me to break out my good suit. I guess we're dressing up." He shrugged.

"Alright."

"We'll be picking you up at 7:00."

She smiled. "I will watch for you. Thanks, Captain."

She opened the door and left the room with a wave to her colleagues.


	26. The Place She Belongs

The night came surprisingly quickly for Olivia. She spent the day cleaning out her apartment, throwing out things she didn't want anymore and rearranging the things she did want to keep. She felt better being at home alone. She was still nowhere near 100% comfortable, but she could do it now. The sunset shining through her windows alerted her to the time she was rapidly losing. Checking her watch - 6:23 - she opened her closet, hoping to find something appropriate for the occasion.

She thumbed through hangers and hangers of dresses, feeling too self-conscious to wear them for fear they would show her wounds. Completely defeated, Olivia sat down on the bed. Not able to decide on a dress, she hopped into the shower, thinking. She had survived, and she needed to be confident. She needed to be ok with the world seeing what they'd done to her. However horrible it was, she was ok.

She was strong and her wounds showed it. They were her battle scars, which she wore proudly. She dried off and stepped back into her bedroom. With a deep breath, Olivia grabbed the dress off the rack and slipped into it. Deep crimson in satin color, the slimming dress rested neatly just above her knee. The top was gathered and secured permanently with a diamond pin resting on her side, two thick pieces of fabric sliding up over her shoulders elegantly.

It was not the front, but the back that she chose the dress for. The deep 'V' in the fabric resting on her torso left a portion of her back bare. Not too much, not too little, but just enough. She turned to look at it in the mirror. Long sections of healing welts ran across her tanned skin horizontally, racing unevenly from side to side. They were healing as dark scars on her back.

She closed her eyes, shutting down the flashback before it could even begin. With a deep breath, she fended it off. She dried her hair, leaving it hang only as long as they'd allowed it to be. A gold bracelet and small dangling earrings finished her outfit for the night. Her fingers traced the dark ink inscribed in the fibers of her skin after she secured her bracelet.

It would be a permanent reminder for her, but she looked forward to the day when she could touch it and feel less pain in her chest. She wiped and powered her makeup on, finally able to see herself returning. She swung her purse over her shoulder when she heard the knock on her door.

"Baby girl! Man, you know how to dress up."

Fin smiled at her alongside Munch.

She couldn't help but smile back.

"He's right. You look very nice, Olivia."

Munch grinned himself, standing before her in a suit, tie, and hat. Fin wore just about the same outfit.

"You guys clean up pretty well, too."

She turned the lights in her apartment off before closing the door behind her.

"So which one of you is my date?" She asked.

"Both of us." Fin placed her arm in his.

"My apologies." Munch quipped before he led them down to the elevator.

They arrived at the car shortly after exiting the building. It was a black town car that awaited them, Cragen in the drivers' seat and Elliot in the back. He was out before they even got there, opening the front passenger door for Olivia.

"You're still Olivia Benson, right? She never used to dress like that."

Her partner smiled at her as he held the door.

"Neither did Elliot Stabler."

She noticed his black suit, polished shoes, and shiny tie. She sat down and heard the doors close all around.

"Onward."

Cragen took off into the lively city.

* * *

New York City began to glow as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. Lady Liberty stood, torch in hand proudly extended to the sky as the sun set behind her. The breeze off the river blew gently through the busy streets and sidewalks as the air mingled between buildings. The cloudless sky revealed only two bright shining orbs, neither of which were stars.

A planet shining next to the rising moon took over the orange-glowing sky above the city. The Brooklyn bridge lit up, strung with lights as bright as the invisible stars, the trail following vehicles as they made their commute to and from wherever it was they were headed. Ships on the water made hardly a sound as they glided on the rippling water, each liner's lights shooting reflections brighter than the skyline. The air remained warm even long after the sky went dark. The city buzzed with its own strange tranquility.

* * *

"Where are we eating tonight, boys?" Olivia asked suspiciously.

"Gray's Papaya hot dog stand." Munch replied, leaning forward from the backseat.

Olivia laughed a deep throaty laugh, one that they had missec hearing. It was music to their ears.

"That's why we dressed up?" She laughed.

Cragen pulled up to a small parking garage and pulled into a parking spot.

"We're eating here tonight."

He got out as the others did, each of them feeling the cooling air blowing off the river. Elliot offered his arm to Olivia, which she took.

"I'm proud of you for wearing that, Liv."

His voice was low enough that only she could hear it.

She smiled, "Thank you for saying that, El."

He nodded. "You look beautiful."

They rounded the corner to find a beautiful boat and a line of people stepping onto the deck and disappearing down below.

Olivia smiled, "You guys did not."

Her captain nodded, "We did. Where better to eat supper than a cruise?"

They waited in line with their tickets and were seated below in the lowest deck she the lights were dim and the food was displayed in silver pans, bowls, and crockpots.

"I'm just giving you all a fair warning: I get sick on boats sometimes." Munch said with his eyebrows raised.

"Well just make sure you get sick on the upper decks and not on my plate of delicious buffet food." Fin answered seriously.

The two sat nearest the window next to Elliot and Olivia. Cragen sat at the head of the table, where he should be.

_"Welcome to the Spirit of New York. You all are in for a treat tonight. We've got our best food out for you guys, we have the river for another two and a half hours, and we have a beautiful clear night to enjoy the city. Head up and get your food!" _

Fin, standing behind Olivia, noted her scarred back. He was proud of her for being confident enough to show them and put a hand on her shoulder to silently tell her that. The meal was served and consumed. Munch and Fin kept the group very entertained while Cragen injected his own humor into the conversations. Olivia and Elliot were intrigued by their colleagues, sitting back and listening, offering pieces of humorous quality every once in a while.

* * *

The tower above the two symmetrical waterfalls stretched as far as it could, determined to reach the sky and be noticed by the entire city. Its lights illuminated the square below as people went about their business late on a Monday evening. Sirens and car horns sent bursts of energy throughout the streets' atmosphere. The sidewalks remained warm, retaining the heat of the sun as the population moved easily atop them in the bright sky.

If not for the darkness of the glassy sky above the city, it would be impossible to tell that the sun had even gone down. It was as if every sign, light, and billboard let the sun's rays penetrate them, soaking in all day long for the sole purpose of glowing brighter than the moon and stars until the morning light shown again.

* * *

The three decks above the dining hall were open to the night air as the boat sailed along the Hudson River, glowing with the reflection of the city's skyline. Olivia stood on the top deck with her friends, her family, and a handful of others as they all took in the view.

"You guys have made this a lovely date. Thank you." She said, smiling at them all.

The Statue of Liberty in all her glory stood in their presence, lights illuminating her determined, proud, and yet graceful expression.

"It was our pleasure, really. You're our girl, Liv."

Fin put a hand on her shoulder gently. Their gazes settled on Lady Liberty.

"She's been standing here for so many years. Nothing has ever destroyed her."

Olivia didn't even realize she was speaking out loud.

"She's a little green but - you know - that happens."

Munch's comment had them all laughing easily.

"God I hope I'm not green." Liv smiled at them.

"Not too much." Elliot replied with a shrug.

"She's here to stay." Cragen nodded.

"That she is." Olivia tilted her head to the side as the wet air caressed her face.

They all knew the conversation was not about the statue. She felt safe with these people, and she never wanted that to change. She would never leave this place, these people.

_"Let's get some dancing happening!" _

The speakers blared as the entertainer spoke. The music blared out from the speakers around the boat.

"I'll break both my hips if I even try."

Cragen took a seat on one of the couches against the captain's station.

"Come on, Cap, it's a slow song." Fin complained.

"Come here, Liv." He took her hand.

"I do have a reputation for stepping on people's feet." She warned him with a twinkle in her eye.

"I've got feet of steel."

Fin put his one hand out and the other around her waist, finding her mirroring his motions.

"You're no rookie at this." He chuckled at her.

Munch stood up, holding out his hand to Elliot.

"You step on my shoes and I toss you over."

Elliot laughed at his colleague, taking his hand and assumed the dancing position. As Fin rocked her gently, Olivia smiled at the two men, their expressions exaggerating emotion for her entertainment. Cragen sat, smiling in pride at his team. Olivia took turns with each of her friends, dancing differently with each one.

Fin dipped her and whispered in her ear as they danced as brother and sister. She put her cheek to his as they both smiled from ear to ear.

Munch twirled her and she twirled him as they danced playfully. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the old Olivia Benson dancing in front of him. She was the strongest person he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Cragen held her close to him, stepping slowly in a circle. He loved how he could feel her relaxing against him. He wanted her to feel safe again, especially with him. He didn't have children, but she helped him fill that hole.

Elliot held her right hand in his, her arm bent against his chest, between their two bodies as he let her rest her head against his shoulder. Olivia held her other arm around his back, wanting to feel safe. She did. His other arm rested gingerly on her bare back, his fingers resting against the raised slashes in her skin.

He hoped he could protect her now. He'd never let anything touch her again, even if it meant giving himself in return. It was his job to keep her safe, and he was not going to fail again. They watched the skyline glow bright against the dark sky as the boat cruised back to the pier.

"Thank you guys for doing this."

Olivia spoke from the front seat of the car as Cragen sped through traffic.

"Our pleasure." Munch replied.

"Yeah, it was fun." Fin nodded.

"But it's past my bedtime." Elliot grinned when he heard his partner chuckle.

They were all going to be ok.


	27. The Unheard Words

Tuesday

The sun rose on an optimistic New York City, golden rays of warmth reflecting off the buildings and sending them toward the people in the streets below. Elliot stepped out of his vehicle parked across the street from the precinct. As he walked across the road, he saw his partner standing against the wall on the right side of the door. He smiled, missing seeing her face at work every day.

"Well hi." He said, unable to hide his happiness.

She smiled back, looking comfortable in yoga pants and a bright pink T-shirt.

"Hi."

She handed him a cup of coffee while keeping her own. He stopped in front of her.

"What's up? Thought you were banned from here for a few more days."

He took a sip of his coffee.

She glanced down, "I have nothing to do today. Nothing. I'm going crazy."

She grinned a little at him when he chuckled.

"Olivia Benson. You are too damn dedicated."

Shrugging, she looked straight at him again. "I can't help it."

He sighed, "Well, the captain is going to have you arrested if you show up for work now. What about Alex? Isn't she free today?"

Olivia shook her head, "She was called in to prosecute. Melinda and Casey are both back at work too. I've had enough 'me' time. I just need to get back to work."

Elliot stood silently for a moment, glancing down the street.

"Tell you what. I'll see you for lunch at 12:30. I'm sure you can find something to do until then. Don't women like to shop?"

"Not this woman." Olivia shook her head with her eyebrows raised.

"I've got something I can do. I'll meet you out here to go to lunch?" She asked.

He nodded, "Deal."

She began to walk back toward her vehicle, smiling in spite of herself.

"Liv." Elliot turned back to look at her.

"Yeah?" She stopped and turned toward him.

"I'm really proud of you. You're handling everything so well. I admire that." He said softly, a small grin gracing his face.

She felt a smile stretch across her lips as well as her heart.

"You're making it easier, El."

She paused, just holding his gaze in her own.

"I'll see you at 12:30."

She turned to go again. He watched her leave, an indescribable feeling spreading through him. It was a mixture of happiness, pride, admiration, and fear that ran through him. He never thought that she'd have to go through something like this. But he should have known better.

Olivia, a beautiful woman working sex crimes, was bound to be looked at twice by any man, including the bad ones. And beautiful she was. Even Elliot, married and bound by the catholic faith, noticed everything about her. Her hair, shorter now, was still as silky and smooth as it had always been.

Her body was shaped perfectly, every curve accentuated by each outfit she wore. Her eyes, oh those large, intelligent brown eyes captured his attention every time he met them with his own. He missed her more than he missed his own family whenever he had to be away from her. Elliot sighed, that same mixture of emotions filling him as he walked into the precinct with his favorite coffee in hand. He did miss her. More than she would ever know.

* * *

Olivia drove to 26 Federal Plaza and parked her vehicle in the lot after showing her badge to personnel. She entered the building and made her way to the first elevator she saw. The ride up was one in silence; her heart pounded as she prepared herself for what she was about to do. She was going to have to tell them everything. The doors opened on floor 26: FBI headquarters for New York City. She took a deep breath and stepped out, met with a busy room, a desk directly in front of her. She held out her badge.

"I'm Detective Olivia Benson."

The man nodded, looking up at her.

"Yes, ma'am. You're here about the case?"

She was honestly surprised that he knew who she was and what she was there for.

"Uh - yeah. I need to give a statement to an agent."

The man stood up, having searched through a file cabinet at his knee's level and retrieving two files enveloped in cream-colored folders.

"Come with me."

He led her back into a large room where dozens of agents were working noisily. He veered to the left down a long hallway before turning to a door nearly at the end of the hall and turning the handle so the dark mahogany door swung open. There was a small table in the middle of the room with four chairs on either side of it.

"You can take a seat, Detective. I'll send an agent in."

She walked into the silent room and took a seat in one of the chairs, crossing her legs nervously. The man left, closing the door behind him. Her whole body tingled with nervous anticipation. What was she getting herself into?

* * *

Elliot, Fin, Munch, and Sean split up early in the afternoon after another woman was found in the same condition as all the others.

"He's sticking around the city now."

Elliot was in the squad room looking at the sketch of the man, the description having been given by a neighbor who had seen the man enter the woman's apartment.

"You think we should get his picture out to the media?"

Cragen shook his head. "Might spook him."

"Well we've got to do something to ID this guy. It's been two days and we are no closer to getting him." Elliot replied.

"Speak for yourself."

Munch entered the room with a piece of paper in his hands. He handed it to his captain.

"We have a trucker who's gone AWOL, according to his boss. CSU was searching the building after the woman was found this morning. We've got him on camera leaving her room and taking the back exit. He left us his phone. She must've struggled and knocked it away."

Their captain examined the sheet.

"That's beyond lucky for us." Fin mumbled.

"I agree. Name?" Elliot stood up with a wipe-off marker in his hand, ready to write a name above the sketch.

"Andrew Jameson. We've even got a home address. Maybe we'll get lucky again." Munch shrugged.

"Grab Sean and go see."

* * *

"A detective wants to give a statement. Doc, you have a little time?" The man asked the doctor, seated in a chair at a computer.

"Absolutely."

* * *

Olivia waited no longer than five minutes when the door opened. She was taken aback when she saw a familiar face in the doorway. Doctor George Huang stood before her, closing the door behind himself, smiling when he saw her.

"Olivia."

She got up, feeling terrified and relieved at the same time.

"George. It's good to see you again."

She brought his tiny frame into a hug.

"You too, Olivia. Please, have a seat." She did as he too a seat opposite her.

"When I asked for an agent, I didn't think they'd bring me you." She admitted.

"I guess I'm the go-to man for detectives."

A silence settled on them.

"Liv, I know what happened. Well I don't really know, but I know enough. You're brave to come in here and help put these guys away." He said quietly.

She sat back, folding her hands in her lap.

"I had to."

He didn't know if that meant she was forced or if she felt compelled to do so, and he wasn't about to ask. She felt scared to admit what happened to someone she knew and knew well, but she was glad she'd have compassion if she needed it.

"Ok." She breathed deeply and began.

She told him everything: in the house when she was forced to shower in front of one of the men, the moment when she found herself tattooed, spread on a table with men violating her for the sole purpose of drug trafficking, when the men took her to the airport and drugged her - again.

She told him how she nearly suffocated the first night when the men attacked her viciously, how much it hurt her physically when they'd raped her. She left her thoughts and feelings out, filling him in with only the facts. Her feelings wouldn't matter when the jury heard what she'd said.

"They fed me once, bread and water. They whipped me after I failed to clean the kitchen."

Dr. Huang never thought he'd have to hear one of his close friends speaking to him like this. His heart hurt for her. He didn't ever in his wildest dreams imagine it would be Olivia Benson sitting across the table from him in this situation. Olivia told him what Marco had done to her the second night in that home. She told him how he nearly beat her to death, how she woke up that night, believing she was dead. After the terror of reliving it again was over, Dr. Huang leaned forward.

"You did great, Liv. If there's anything I can do, please let me know. My door's always open."

She nodded, swallowing her tears as she stood.

"Thanks for listening."

She left the building, climbed into her car, gripped the steering wheel, and let herself cry. It had hurt. But after two hours of spilling about her awful burden, she was feeling lighter than she had. She smiled through her tears when she heard her partner's words. So she drove out of the parking lot and went shopping.

* * *

The visit to the perpetrator's apartment had been a wasted trip. He wasn't there, but more evidence was. They were honing in on their killer. After looking around with CSU and the ME, the detectives headed back to the precinct for lunch. Elliot was excited. He was going to get to spend a long lunch with Olivia. He'd get some time with her, which he always looked forward to.

"I'm taking an hour for lunch." He announced to Cragen as he left the precinct.

Cragen knew why and nodded, "Take your time. We can manage."

Elliot walked out of the precinct into the heated New York City air and found her standing exactly where she had been that morning. He smiled and began to walk toward her, still feeling his heart leap every time he saw her. She smiled back, and when he was close enough, she walked into his arms seeking comfort. Surprised, but not alarmed, Elliot wrapped his arms around her gently.

She closed her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder. He rocked her slowly, hearing every word that raced through her mind. Her scent had not changed, which he noted as he felt her hair tickling his face. Her breathing against him gave him chills, even in the hot summer air.

"So, where are we going?" Her voice made her whole body vibrate against his.

"Wherever you want." She stepped back, keeping her hands on his arms.

He took notice of her healing features. Her face was filling in again - she'd been frighteningly thin when they'd reached her. It had scared him. Olivia had always been healthy, maintaining a muscular form. Now the color was returning to her cheeks, one on which a laceration healed. Her eye was still slightly bruised. It always brought a physical pain to Elliot when he saw it. She had been hit - hard. She spoke.

"Can we go get hot dogs? I've been drooling ever since Munch mentioned it last night." She replied.

Elliot nodded, "Hot dogs it is."

She put her arm in his as they walked across the street toward the tiny hot dog would always be two people, on heart and mind. Together as one. Nobody could ever take that away.


	28. The Awakening

**A little A/U. Simon, in my story, never went to prison for anything, and he and Tracey are married. **

The walk to the hot dog place was only three blocks, all three of which Olivia had her arm linked tightly in Elliot's, her right arm even reaching up to grab his arm gently as they passed through thick crowds. Elliot felt nothing but joy in him at the closeness of the two in that moment.

He'd never felt the way he did about Olivia, not even with his wife. He loved her more than life itself. He realized if she had not made it out of that house in Mexico alive, he wouldn't have made it back to the New York. She was his life. They walked silently, just enjoying the company of each other. They crossed one last street before heading into the small space.

"Two please."

Olivia politely said, pushing her sunglasses to the top of her head. Elliot loved it when she did that. It made her hair frame her face in a way that just couldn't be done otherwise. It showed her relaxed, content disposition. Atop her head, the sunglasses gave the illusion that she was just like anybody else in the city. He knew better, seeing the sunglasses making her even more extraordinary in her own way.

He nodded, "Same for me."

The two men behind the counter put the hot dogs in the buns before sliding them down to the cashier.

"I'll just have water." Olivia told him.

Elliot asked for water as well. Olivia was reaching into her pocket when Elliot handed the cashier a twenty.

"I've got both."

Olivia held a silent conversation with him through her gaze. She didn't speak aloud until they were outside.

"You didn't have to do that. I was beaten up, not robbed."

Olivia commented quietly as they walked across the two crosswalks to the small sitting area, abundant with foliage.

Elliot shook his head, "I told you we were going for lunch today. What kind of a man does that and then makes the woman pay for her meal?"

Olivia grinned, feeling completely at ease with him.

"You'd be surprised."

He smiled and sat down on a bench, back against a retaining wall filled with dark dirt, large trees swaying above it. The breeze carried the perfect amount of cool air, enough to keep them from feeling uncomfortably warm, but not too much where they might shiver. The day in New York City was perfect.

"So I talked to Cragen last night after we dropped you and the two kids off."

Elliot's mouth was still full of hotdog. Olivia laughed at the reference he made to Munch and Fin.

"Oh yeah?" She smiled, her mouth in mid-chew.

"He says you're seeing a therapist. I'm proud of you for doing that, Olivia."

He nodded at her.

She let the wind blow through her hair.

"It's been helping. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays we meet in the afternoon."

She wasn't afraid to let him know about it now. It was a strange feeling, but a good strange feeling.

"Well I'm glad."

A comfortable silence settled between them as the cars screamed by and the people chattered in their own busy lives.

"Liv?" Elliot swallowed his hot dog bite.

"Yeah?"

She did the same, taking a drink of her water.

"Is there anything you need? I feel like I'm not doing enough."

Elliot let himself say it. He never thought he would, but after her display of courage, he decided he needed to do the same. She gave him a soft smile.

"You're doing just fine. All I need is for you to stick around."

He sat up, "You're stuck with me, then."

Olivia breathed deeply, "Good."

He watched her hair leave her face in the wind. Words couldn't describe how thankful he was to still have her. It was like a never ending dream he'd just awoken to realize really existed. He never wanted to fall asleep again.

* * *

The precinct was alive when Elliot returned. Munch was standing alone next to the large TV screen in the media center.

"What's going on, Munch? You get ditched?"

Munch turned toward Elliot.

"They know better. I stayed behind in case you came back before they did. Jameson was spotted by some of our officers near Rockefeller Center. They had been instructed to wait for backup, but by the time our detectives got there, Jameson was gone. Fin and Munch were out trying to get any evidence to indicate where Mr. Jameson was going."

Elliot stood with his arms crossed across his chest as Munch filled him in.

"I should get out there."

Munch shook his head, "They're on their way back with as much evidence as they could get. Jameson is on the move already so we got his picture out to the media."

As if on cue, Fin and Sean walked in.

"You guys get anything?" Elliot asked.

Fin shrugged, "Our guys at CSU confirmed the sighting with security camera footage. Jameson is on the move. Obviously he has no car or money to rent a cab. He won't get far on foot. We'll have him soon."

They nodded. Sean glanced from detective to detective.

"So, what do we do now?" He asked, ready to do whatever it took to prove himself.

"We wait." Elliot replied, heading back to his desk.

"Correction: we wait - while doing paperwork. The captain dropped a crapload of dead trees on my desk and I'm happy to pass some on to you children."

Munch walked toward his desk as well.

"Correction: you are happy to pass them _all_ onto us children." Fin commented with a shake of his finger.

Elliot smiled, shaking his head. It was a good day to be alive.

* * *

Olivia went home, emotionally and physically exhausted after reliving her traumatic experience and walking far more than she was used to. She took the deepest breath she ever had the moment she shut the door behind her. She closed her eyes as she did so, leaning with her back against the door. When she opened them, they immediately found the bouquet of colorful flowers on her coffee table.

She knew she didn't have to be alarmed. They were her favorite flowers. White roses and pink carnations. Daisies added a little splash of yellow as well as a new texture. The blue orchids completed the large ensemble held in a beautiful glass vase. Olivia smiled, grabbing the card off of the plastic stick above the bouquet and unfolding it.

_"New York's lucky to have you back. So are we. Welcome home, Liv." _

She smiled ear to ear as she replaced the card. She didn't need to see the names at the bottom of the card to know who had sent them. Those guys were her family, her colleagues, her life. She loved them each with all her heart. She paused, sinking down to the couch while she thought.

She had never felt like this before. It was like someone shook her and told her she only had so long in this life. The thought that she'd almost lost her it gave her a new opportunity to do what she needed to do. Now she saw that she had to start living before she woke up and found it all gone.

Elliot. Her mind could only find him in its sight. She felt so safe with him, yet she felt ashamed feeling like she did. She had since the day she'd met him. He was married, he had kids, so why would he want to be with her? And why should she want him? She had no family, nothing like he did.

Her thoughts shifted. She had family. Elliot had told her that her brother had been at the precinct every night since she'd gone missing. She hadn't seen them in over a month. She needed to do it now or she might put it off until it was too late. She had to get her priorities straight. She had left them hanging.

* * *

The captain came out of his office to find the detectives each sitting at their desks diligently digging their way through a pile of paperwork.

"The 2-7 just called from Brooklyn. They've got Jameson in custody and are hand delivering him to us here." He said, relief visibly penetrating the team.

"Good. We don't even need his stupid-ass confession." Fin said, in a rotten mood after an hour of endless paperwork.

"Yeah, he left his DNA everywhere. Call the DA. Tell them we have a slam dunk here." Elliot nodded.

Cragen bit his lip before speaking again.

"We could still use a confession. Chief wants him shipped to Central Booking by tonight and all paperwork on my desk by tomorrow morning."

"Guess what we're doing the rest of the day?" Munch said sarcastically.

Sean looked up from his file.

"Don't you guys have people that do this for you?"

Elliot scoffed. "I don't make enough to pay someone else to do my homework."

He shook his head.

Sean shrugged, "I get that."

"Why, have you got staff to handle your paper messes every case?" Munch asked.

Sean raised his eyebrows, leaning back.

"Absolutely not. We're Queens you're Manhattan. If anyone had help it'd be the more fortunate of the SVU precincts in the districts." He replied.

"Nah. We're not fortunate. We've got Munch." Fin grinned.

"But you can have him if you want him."

* * *

Simon opened the door and did the first thing he could. He let his sister come in and wrapped her in a hug. Olivia never wanted it to end.

Family was something she'd only recently adjusted to having, but she loved it more every day. They had dinner together at least once a month, but she didn't see her niece and nephew nearly as often as she wished.

He released her and looked straight into her eyes.

"God, it's good to see you, Olivia."

He felt so much relief pass through his body that it nearly knocked him over. She did her best to smile.

"You too, Simon. My partner told me you were at the precinct every night."

Simon led her to the right, through a small sitting room and deeper into the house.

"We all were. I'm glad you're ok."

She wanted to tell him that she wasn't yet. But she held her tongue as she followed him. The room opened into a large living room with the open kitchen behind it. Two children played noiselessly in the furnished area.

"Olivia!"

His wife turned from the kitchen, her hands still wet from being in the sink. She wiped them on her pants and walked out to meet her sister-in-law with a hug. Olivia accepted it gratefully.

"Oh it's so good to see you."

Olivia pulled away and smiled.

"You, too. I see you guys are just as I left you."

The children never failed to make her smile. Olivia, a year old now, played with a small doll while sitting on the floor. Ty was lying on the couch, a book held in the air as he flipped through the large pictures.

"Hey you two."

Olivia kneeled down next to little Olivia, who smiled sweetly and reached out to her. Liv pulled the child into her lap and held her there, a content warmth spreading through her.

"Hi, Olivia."

Ty waved from the couch before returning to his book.

"Hey buddy."

She smiled at him and then looked down at the child in her lap. Olivia's dark hair reminded her of her own. Her tiny hands gently held the doll, smoothing its hair and tracing circles on its cheeks. Simon and Tracey smiled at her as they watched.

"She's wanted kids for so long." Simon said quietly to his wife as they stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

Tracey nodded, "She'd be great a great mother."

"She would."

Simon felt pride having an older sister, so strong and independent. She was the kindest person he'd ever met, and he got to call her family.

"Anything we can get you, Liv?" He asked her.

Olivia looked up, "No thank you. Just some company."

She turned her attention back to her niece. Olivia traced her niece's soft hairline before tucking a small piece behind her ear. Love like this was like nothing she'd ever felt.

"You are just perfect, my dear."

The quiet child just smiled at the detective before reaching a hand up and touching her nose gently. Olivia closed her eyes. Life was worth living, especially now.


	29. The Second Chance

**Thanks for the feedback. You guy are awesome :)**

Andrew Jameson was hand delivered to the 16th precinct's interrogation room 2. Elliot watched as Fin and Munch tore a confession right out of him. The case was a win, hands down. The two detectives met the captain and Elliot as they left the room.

"He's a class A idiot." Munch commented, looking back in through the window.

"He didn't even ask for a lawyer." Fin shook his head.

"Well, let's get him down to Central Booking. He's not our problem anymore."

"Or anyone else's." Elliot nodded as they left the area.

Fin turned back to cuff Jameson and take him downstairs.

"When's Olivia coming back?" Her partner questioned quietly.

Cragen stopped near Elliot's desk and turned to address him.

"She told me she was taking the rest of this week off. And the next week." He replied.

"She said that she wanted two weeks off? Captain, I just talked to her yesterday morning. She couldn't wait to be back here."

The captain shifted on his feet, looked down at the floor, and then returned his eyes to Elliot's.

"I don't want her to come back too early. I told her she should take this next week off too." He said.

"All due respect - she's got a lot on her plate, captain. But Olivia knows what she wants better than any of us do. She'll know when she's ready to be back, whenever that might be."

Elliot pulled at his chair.

"Elliot, you now her better than anyone here. You know she'd break her neck to do something for someone she doesn't even know. She always puts others before herself. I just don't want her to rush into this. I know she wants to be back at work, but she'll be right back, looking at situations a lot like what she had to experience."

Captain Cragen spoke honestly. Elliot understood where he was coming from. He nodded apprehensively.

"I'll watch her closely, whenever she comes back."

Cragen knew he would, and nodded.

"I know. Just make sure she takes it easy."

The captain left his detective's desk for his office. Elliot felt selfish wanting her back at work so soon, but he missed working alongside her. He knew it would be harder than she thought it was going to be. It wouldn't just go back to being the same it was before.

* * *

Olivia stayed at her brother's house until late that night. The family watched a movie together, then put the kids to bed, and the adults sat around, just reveling in the silence.

"You want a beer?" Tracey looked over at Olivia as she stood.

Liv nodded after a short moment of hesitation. She was allowed to drink, and she could use a bit of alcohol.

"Yes, I would."

"Make that two." Simon said as his wife stood up and headed to the fridge.

"We were so glad to hear you were ok."

Simon felt like he was talking to himself. He looked at the TV as he spoke.

"Your captain called to let us know you were on your way home. I was scared -"

he stopped, not wanting to upset her.

"We were scared we'd never see you again."

Olivia sighed as she leaned back in the arm chair.

"I wouldn't have let that happen." She replied quietly.

Tracey returned with three beers in hand. She handed Olivia hers first and then sat down next to Simon. They sipped the liquid slowly, savoring every drink.

"It's great to see you guys again." Olivia said with a shake of her head and a small smile.

"You too." Tracey breathed deeply.

"We have to get together more often. I don't want to regret not seeing you more if anything happens to any one of us." She said.

"How about every Sunday for dinner?" Simon suggested.

Olivia felt a calm inside her.

"Absolutely."

She left after they finished their drinks and said goodbye to each other. She drove back through the night into Manhattan. She answered her phone as she crossed the Queensborough bridge.

"Hey, El." She answered after reading his name on the screen.

_"Hey. I just wanted to check and see if you had anyone staying with you tonight." _

His voice came over the phone clearly. She cleared her throat.

"Uh - no. I think I'm going to try it alone tonight. Thanks for checking though." She answered.

_ "Ok. If you change your mind, my phone is on." _

She smiled. "Thank you, Elliot."

_"Goodnight, Liv." _

"Goodnight."

She reached her apartment building at 12:45, the darkness still sticky with the wet air. A storm was brewing, she could tell by the dampness of the pressing atmosphere. Fog distorted the lights of the high rises towering above the larger-than-life city, its sounds muffled, lost in the soft pillow of moisture lying atop its lights.

She stepped into the darkness of her apartment as she let her lungs expand to their full capacity. Her hand reached for the lights, illuminating the space after she flipped the switches on the wall. Her keys landed on the counter when she tossed them and walked slowly to the large window looking out over the city.

Lower Manhattan was fighting to penetrate the low-lying clouds with its lights as the island was consumed. She got herself ready for bed and laid down in her bed, in her apartment, alone. Olivia looked around cautiously, not yet willing to relax. The sounds of the street gave her a strange comfort. She switched her light off and hunkered down. She knew the nightmares would come. She just had to wait.

:::

_She sat on the hard marble floor, staring out the window. Her mind was frozen, incapable of carrying a great capacity of thought. She'd been in that hell hole only one and a half days and she'd already been beaten, raped, and starved. The pain she felt was like none she'd ever experienced. She never knew what it was like to be a victim, but now she did. _

_The air settled its comforting hand on her face, stroking it gently with its whispy fingers. Her eyes were unblinking as they stared at the dirt road out in the scorching heat. She hoped they forgot she was there. She'd rather die than have them do what they had to her again. The heat in the room did not fend off her chills as she thought about her home. She regretted so much._

_ There were things she'd put off, believing the false illusion that told her she had all the time in the world to do. Now she might leave the planet without being able to hold her niece again, ruffle her nephew's hair, hug her brother, have a cold beer with her colleagues. She'd never take in the beautiful skyline of that great city, her city, or have a conversation with her best friends over lunch. The streets of New York City would never be under her feet again._

_ She was frozen. Frozen in time._

:::

Her nightmare didn't shake her awake. It only caused her to slowly open her eyelids, letting her eyes look upon the ceiling in the darkness of her room. Lightning thew shadows onto her walls as thunder rolled in a constant cadence. The sound of rain on her windows was a relief to hear. Olivia had always loved the sound of rain. It helped her to relax, even now.

She lay calmly, realizing how her nightmares were less startling than they were. Now it was like they were reflections, and she embraced them. She didn't remember how much she had thought about everything those hot humid days in Mexico. Now she did; she was privileged enough to know how lucky she was to be able to do the things she wished she had done more often.

She had held her niece. She'd had a lovely night with her friends and seen the skyline of her beautiful city again. Sleep came easily, and Olivia found herself resting peacefully through the night. The storm rolled on, but it had moved outside her soul.

Wednesday

After a long morning walk in the beautiful serenity of Central Park, Olivia sat across from her therapist again, light pouring in the large windows above the city. She was proud of herself for surviving the night alone, and felt she had taken another leap toward her new normal.

"I just want to get back to work." She said, folding her hands in front of her.

The woman paused, "You've shown great progress, just in the past three sessions. But, Olivia. You need to open up more."

Olivia sighed, knowing the woman was right. She didn't say anything.

"Yesterday, I told everything that happened to a former colleague of mine, Dr. Huang of the FBI."

She paused again.

"I told him what they did to me, but I kept my feelings out. That won't help the jury see what monsters they were, so I didn't tell him."

"And you haven't told me. Olivia, you're going to explode if you keep all of those feelings inside you."

Right again. She sat back.

"I had a nightmare last night."

It was the only way she knew how to begin.

"I was sitting next to the window in my room. I felt -"

She stopped. What had she felt?

"I gave up. I thought I would rather die than have them come back into my room that night again."

She took a shuddering breath.

"I regretted everything I hadn't done more of, or hadn't done at all."

Julie nodded, "Like what?"

"Holding my niece, seeing my family, spending time with my friends."

She stopped again before going on.

"I felt like I'd never be able to do some things that didn't seem all that important to me when I was back home."

The woman nodded again for her to continue.

"Seeing the skyline every night from my apartment window, walking on the streets I knew so well."

She was unwilling to go on, feeling drained already.

"Now that's the Olivia Benson I want to hear from. Thank you."

"I'll see you Friday."

Olivia was in desperate need - of coffee.

* * *

Each of the four detectives were drowning in additional paperwork the DA had dropped on their desks. The day was wasting away. Elliot glanced at his watch to find it was already 4:00. He put his nose back in the file he was trying to fill out. The worst part of being a cop was when he had to go knocking on a parent's door and tell them their child was dead. But the second worst part was the paperwork. Fin summoned him shortly after he'd returned to his work. Elliot stood and walked over to his colleague's desk.

"What?"

He sat down backwards on one of the chairs next to Munch's desk.

"Liv just called. She wants to know who's in on drinks after work."

Elliot shrugged, "Sure. I'll go. You guys up for it?"

Munch chuffed, "After a day like this? Absolutely. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks about stacks of paper coming to kill me."

Fin smiled at his partner. "No that's your dehumidifier, Munch."

Munch chuckled, "Oh right. If I don't show up for work tomorrow, I'm lying on my apartment floor, dehumidified to death."

Elliot shook his head at the two hilarious men. No matter how awful any situation was, the two would always be cracking jokes easily. It was second nature to them. The zombie apocalypse couldn't keep Munch from making him laugh.

He only wanted to be laughing alongside his best friend, his partner for life. That's all he asked for. That's all he'd ever wanted. Olivia. Her smile, her laugh, her beauty - he wanted it all as his own. How would he begin to tell her that?

"Elliot. You still with us?" Munch questioned, obviously having spotted his distant expression.

"Yeah. Couldn't leave if I wanted to."

**If anything comes to your mind at this very moment, let me know! Make my day :) Challenge accepted?**


	30. The Loving and Lonely

**Moving right along**

_"Elliot. You still with us?" Munch questioned, obviously having spotted his distant expression._

_ "Yeah. Couldn't leave if I wanted to."_

Olivia left her therapist's office, feeling a world away from that awful room in Mexico. It seemed like years ago that everything had happened, but then it felt like only hours ago. She left for Alex's office, arriving shortly after five. Everyone in the office knew her, and no one questioned her or even approached her as she made her way down the hallway to her friend's office.

She saw the blonde standing, looking through files that lay on her desk as her eyes threatened to close. Olivia knocked on the frame of the door before entering the space. Alex looked up, not expecting to see Olivia standing there. She took off her glasses.

"Olivia."

Her hands inadvertently crossed over her chest after she took her glasses off and stood straight up.

"I just dropped by wondering if you'd be up for supper. I've got no one else to be -"

she felt so alone when she thought about it. Everyone was still living their lives. It was only hers that had come screeching to a halt. Now she spent the days alone, thinking about going back to work.

"I don't have anyone to be around. I just-"

she stopped again, unable to read the expression on Alex's face.

She swallowed, "I don't like being alone all the time."

Alex felt her throat expand under the inside force of a giant lump forming. She had never heard any such thing come out of Olivia's mouth before. Unable to speak, Alex nodded. The words that came out sounded choked.

"Absolutely. I'll grab my purse."

Olivia watched her reach behind her desk and swing her bag over her shoulder.

"Come on."

Alex took her friend's hand as they walked out the doorway. Olivia, having missed seeing Alex, smiled a little. Alex did the same as she felt Olivia's arm snake into hers as her other hand held her upper arm. They went out into the sun setting on New York City for lovely, much needed conversation and food.

By 7:00, Olivia felt it was time for a drink. She took a deep breath of contentment. Alex sat resting her arms on the table as she watched the one she was so astounded by. Olivia was a person of extreme integrity, bravery, honesty, and beauty. She admired her. She was keeping her head together even after something so awful had happened to her.

"Team is going out for drinks. You want to join us?"

Alex sat up, grinning.

"I would love to. But I've got a case that's really important. Another time maybe."

Olivia nodded.

"I forgot some people have to work."

They both smiled.

"Only the ones who haven't earned their stripes."

* * *

The men at work finished the pile of paperwork at 6:00, drawing straws to see who had to go run to the deli and get supper before they went out for a drink. Munch lost. Sean went home feeling exhausted once again. He was at a loss as to how those detectives had done what they had for years, day in and day out. He knew sex crimes. But he hadn't ever seen detectives give everything they had to their work. The three, Fin, Munch, and Elliot, sat in the break room chewing their cold sandwiches thoughtfully.

"Mm. Turkey gets better every day I'm alive." Fin said mid-chew.

"I agree." Elliot nodded.

* * *

Cragen came out of his office to see how they were coming along on the paperwork to find the squad room nearly empty. He just had to turn to his right to find them all sitting around the large table in the break room, eating their sandwiches. He walked toward them, ready to ask them what time Olivia was expecting to meet them at the bar.

But he found himself stopped just outside the door, watching. Their smiles came out every so often as they joked and chatted with each other, just like old times. They'd been doing it for 12 years; what was going to stop them?

"Captain, we got one for you too. Have a seat."

Munch patted the chair beside him, grabbing the sandwich Elliot handed to him. Cragen smiled and entered the room, taking his seat next to Munch.

"You're the ham man, right?" Fin asked.

The captain chuckled, "You've been getting me the same thing for over a decade."

"Just checkin."

They all ate in silence until Elliot spoke, wrapping his garbage in a ball and tossing it in the waste basket across the table.

"Nice shot."

Without even looking up, Munch high fived him nonchalantly, the same thing they'd done every time they'd sat around the table eating their sandwiches.

"Thanks. Liv says we can show up whenever at the bar. She'll meet us there."

They nodded, each finished with their fine meals, except Cragen.

"Good. I could really use a drink tonight."

Munch leaned back in his chair and placed his hands contentedly behind his head.

"Same here." Elliot finished.

"Soon as slow poke over here is done eating we can go." Fin said with a grin stretching across his face.

Cragen spoke with his mouth full. "Nobody told me it was supper time."

They left for the bar close to 7:00.

* * *

The detectives entered the semi-familiar setting only fifteen minutes after leaving the precinct. They all walked in unison to the back table where they'd always sat. A few diehards sat at the bar taking shots, while four more played pool. The tables were almost all occupied by at least two people - a good crowd for a Wednesday night.

Olivia had opted for one of the bars not associated with the NYPD, knowing she'd be asked questions she didn't want to answer. She knew, also, that her colleagues got enough police contact during the day. This way everyone could feel free to say what they liked, without being judged. Elliot was glad she had chosen the bar she had.

"What can I get you fellas?"

A woman, hair blacker than the night hanging outside the door approached them with a tray in hand.

"Four Coors, one club soda." Elliot answered.

"Coming right up."

She spun on her heel and headed toward the counter. Moments after they'd sat down, the door opened again. Olivia walked toward them with a smile pasted on her lips. It was even more of a privilege to see them now that she didn't every day. Elliot pulled her stool out for her and she sat down.

"Hey. You guys get some drinks?" She asked.

"Yep, hope you like their Coors." Fin replied.

"Oh I love it. Long day." She breathed out heavily.

"I hear you." Munch nodded.

"You get Jameson?"

"Brooklyn did. They brought him to us. Idiot confessed without even asking for a lawyer." Cragen said as he shifted on his stool.

"That's good."

Olivia missed work more than words could say.

"You miss us that much, huh?"

Fin smiled at her after seeing her shoulders droop, hearing of another case she had to let others take care of.

"You have no idea." She smiled back.

The woman, armed with her tray, arrived, setting each drink down in the middle of the table.

"Her you are. You need anything else, give me a holler." She smiled sweetly before walking away.

They each took their respective drinks, immediately taking a nice long swig out of them. The cool liquid left their chests chilled, and they felt refreshed.

"It's good to have you guys around." Olivia commented quietly.

She never wanted to have to leave her family, not for anyone or anything. She loved them to death. The night was as perfect as it could be, the conversations light and freeing. When Fin and Munch left, Olivia hugged them both, remembering how she felt when she thought she might never be able to ever again. But she was, and she would as often as she could.

"See you bright and early tomorrow, you two." Their captain called after them.

Elliot glanced at his phone: two missed calls and four text messages from Kathy. He felt the tension returning, seeping into his skin again, just after he'd been relieved of it.

"I'm in the doghouse already. I'll see you two tomorrow." He said.

Olivia took notice of his expression and his clenched jaw. Something was wrong, and it was bigger than he let on.

She hugged him quickly, "Goodnight, El." She said.

Cragen said goodbye to his detective as well. Then there were only two. Cragen knew he had to say something to it about her, and he figured it was better done sooner than later.

"Liv. I wanted to talk to you about coming back to work."

He sat down. She did as well, wondering where he wanted to take this.

"Ok."

He looked down, "I understand you want to get back to work as soon as possible."

She nodded, "Yes. I do."

He paused again.

"After this week is over, you can feel free to come back whenever you feel you're ready. I won't make you take anymore time than you want."

She was surprised to hear the words slip from her captain's mouth. She was relieved, yet confused.

"Thank you, Captain. I miss you guys." He smiled at her, thankful she was happy with his words.

"I know. We miss you. Just as long as you feel you're prepared, we'll be glad to have you back. The guys miss you. I do too."

She finished her beer in a long swig, the cool liquid sliding down her throat in a free fall, coating it in a crisp layer of refreshment. She paused, going back to the night after she was rescued. She recalled her captain bringing her back, holding her up, keeping her in the real world.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that." She didn't look in his eyes as she said it. Cragen knew exactly what she was talking about. He couldn't speak. He went back to that first night as well.

"But you kept me grounded. Thank you."

He saw that look in her eyes when he was wrenched backward in time.

:::

_He was awakened by the sound of something hitting the wall in the opposite room. He jumped to his feet, walking quickly through the adjoining door and toward the light that shined from the bathroom. She stood, shaking as she supported herself on the toilet and vomited, coughing violently. _

_Her pupils were dilated when he reached her, sweat glistening on her forehead as she struggled to hold herself up. He wrapped his arms around her midsection and held her shaking frame as she coughed and lost the last of whatever her stomach had contained. He felt the strings of his heart being toyed with. _

_He wanted to cry, to walk away and pretend it wasn't happening. But he knew it was his duty to help her now, even if he didn't want to. He had signed on for this job, the description of such a situation being invisible, but always there._

:::

"That was a tough night." He found himself able to speak again.

Olivia nodded, knowing how hard it must have been to see her like she had been.

"But they're getting better."

He leaned ford on his stool, resting his arms on the table.

"When we found you were gone, every moment of downtime I had I spent thinking about how I might never see you again."

He paused, looking straight into her eyes.

"But you have. And I'll be back to terrorizing you at work."

She finished. "Sorry."

He smiled. "I'm looking forward to it every day."

**Thanks for reading**


	31. The New Piece

Elliot walked into his home in the lively hour of 12:00. The lights were off, the house silent. But he was surprised to find his wife leaning, her back against the sink, hands crossed over her chest. He stopped on the other side of the island, resting his hands on it.

"Kathy, we went out for drinks. It got a little later than I thought. I'm sorry." He began.

She didn't move a bit.

"You have been acting like a child lately, Elliot. You have been home late two days this week, and you've missed supper with us every single day."

Her tone was a mixture of exhaustion, anger, and frustration. Elliot shifted, standing up straight. His temperature was already rising.

"We're just trying to be there for Olivia. Calm down, Kathy."

"Don't tell me to calm down. I don't care what you're trying to do. You got to her, you brought her home, and now it's time for you to start acting like a father and husband again. She'll be just fine without you spending every minute with her."

Her words struck a nerve within Elliot. His eyebrows got lower on his forehead, which wrinkled in anger. He managed to keep his voice down.

"You don't know a thing about what she's going through. We're all she's got and we are planning to get her through this."

Kathy threw her hands up before putting them behind her to support her weight on the counter.

"She's home now. I don't understand what's not ok. No, I do. I know it's not ok for you to leave your family while you go gallivanting off with your partner at work. That's what's not ok."

Every word that left her mouth brought Elliot closer and closer to the brink of losing his temper. He had to take a deep breath before speaking again.

"No, I agree, it's not ok to do that. But that is not what this is. This is me doing what I have to to get my friend and colleague feeling like she's safe again. I don't even have to explain myself to you. I'm going to bed."

He began to walk off. Kathy's chest heaved in anger.

"I'm your wife, Elliot! You spend your time with me!"

He didn't turn back. He just walked up the stairs to his bedroom, changed, and got into bed. She did the same reluctantly. The night was tense again.

* * *

She was back in her apartment by 1:00. Darkness still frightened her, but she felt comfortable enough to be home alone in it now. Olivia rested for a moment beside the refrigerator before tossing her keys onto the counter and going into her bedroom to get changed. When she turned the lights off, she pulled the covers up to her chin and laid awake. The sounds of the street began to morph into a faded sound of low quality. Her eyes closed as she slipped into sleep again.

:::

_The men had knocked her out cold as they violently tore her clothes off. She saw her motionless body lying on the floor of that large room. Then she snapped back into her own body, and found herself lying amidst the sheets, pain already tearing her from the inside out._

_ She didn't have the coordination or energy to cry out. Her mind was floating somewhere far away from her mouth. The man at the foot of the bed tore something out of her. The blur of her eyes couldn't have kept her from seeing what it was. A white package, larger than she would have expected, settled in Marco's hands. _

_"Our next paycheck."_

_ He smiled as he tore the plastic from the surface of the package and revealed the green bundle of money within. Her eyes continued to lose focus as the men continued to discuss the package. Her head throbbed from the palpable hit it had suffered from the floor. _

_"Next package goes out tonight, boys. Expect money by Wednesday. Looks like you stepped into the right business." Alexi nodded at them all. _

_One of the other men patted him on the shoulder._

_ "And what about you?"_

_ Alexi grinned. "I was born into it. I gotta say, it ain't bad." _

_Marco was looking down at her with a hunger in his eyes. Olivia took a look at his darkened eyes before letting go of the struggle she held to stay awake._

:::

Olivia opened her eyes, another piece of the scattered jigsaw puzzle of her brain filling in. She sat up, pushing her covers off and placing her feet on the ground as she breathed.

_In. _

She told herself.

_Out._

She let the air out.

_Two feet on the ground. _

She remembered Fin's words from years before when she'd lost control as her PTSD took over.

_Breathe_.

When her body was back in its right place, she slipped beneath the covers again and awaited elusive sleep, her thoughts racing. It was never ending. She might be safe, but there were other girls, women that were not. There were too many people involved in this business to shut it down completely. Sure, the FBI had made a major bust, but they hadn't even made a dent in the drug trafficking issue the world faced.

Maybe she shouldn't have walked out of that drug palace alive. Maybe she should have died with the rest who had. Her mind then showed its other side. It didn't matter what she thought should have happened. What happened happened, and it happened exactly the way it was supposed to. There was no going back, so Olivia decided to try and move on.

Thursday

Elliot stepped out of the house before his wife could wake up and ruin his day again. She had been doing that a lot. He drove to the precinct after stopping for coffee. When he entered the squad room, he thought he was dreaming, or imagining, one of the two. Because his partner was sitting in her desk, one leg crossed over the other, elbow rested on the desk as the other brought her coffee away from her mouth. He furrowed his brow in confusion. She was here.

"Liv?" He said quietly, trying to make sure what he was seeing was actually there.

She turned toward him, "Hey, El."

She smiled up at him.

"Uh - what are you doing here?"

He took his seat across from her, as they had always been. She shifted in her chair and tucked a hand between her crossed legs before speaking.

"I couldn't sleep. Thought it'd be best to be somewhere that always made sense to me, even when nothing else did."

He gave her an empathetic smile, folding his hands on his desk.

"A nightmare?"

She nodded.

"They were using women like animals. We were how they got their products across the border."

She couldn't stop herself from saying it, and she was glad she said it. Someone had to know. Elliot carefully pried.

"But what does Mexico have to gain from the US?" He asked.

"Money." She answered quietly.

"That's what they put in me before I flew to Mexico City with Mike."

Elliot was finally understanding the process. Mexico shipped marijuana and heroin in girls headed to the US. The women returning to Mexico brought the payment from associates in the states.

He spoke. "Even airport full-body scanners don't detect objects in body cavities. Unless they have reason -"

"the women go right on through." Olivia finished.

The squad room was quiet.

"There are too many to stop." She reminisced without looking up from her cup of coffee where her hands were now running along the rim of the lid.

"That's not our job." Elliot shook his head. She looked up.

"Isn't it?"

She fell into silence again before realizing that her partner was sitting across from her at 5:30 in the morning.

"What are you doing here so early, El? You have a case?"

He shook his head, hoping she wouldn't even think to notice.

"No. I just -" he stopped.

Elliot Stabler is no idiot. He knew that Olivia could tell when he lied.

"Kathy's been a little hard to handle lately."

Olivia immediately felt guilty. She knew Elliot had been spending too much time away from home.

"I'm sorry, El."

"No, it's not your fault. She's just like this sometimes."

He stopped his words from coming out, unwilling to burden Olivia with the weight that was his. He wished he could reach out and tell Olivia how he felt somehow so he wouldn't have to speak. She had to feel the same way.

"You want to - go outside for a bit?" He asked her.

"Absolutely." She smiled as she got up.

* * *

They walked down the block after leaving the precinct and stepping into the humid, overcast morning. Olivia and Elliot both held their cups in hand as they walked in contented silence. She took a deep breath, the all too familiar feeling coming over her again. She wanted more than what they'd had before, in their partnership that is. It was like she'd finally seen what she'd been missing.

Elliot had been by her side every day for over a decade, and she had failed to see how special he was. How vital a force he was in her life. She wanted him by her side forever, even after they were done with police work. Why had it suddenly changed? After years together, now this.

"Elliot I need to ask you something." She stated after slowing he pace.

He matched her pace, hearing how serious her tone was.

"Anything." He replied.

Olivia took a deep breath.

"Are we partners like we were before?"

Elliot paused, not sure how to respond. Then he knew.

"For life."

Olivia stopped and turned toward him, her back at the wall of a building. He did the same, facing her. They were so close. He was so close he could feel her breath on his face. She could feel his. He wanted to kiss her, he realized. She wanted to kiss him.

"For life." He repeated quietly.

She put her hand in his and turned away, not yet wanting the contact forced upon her before. They continued down the path, now headed farther into the city. He heard her thoughts, and turned to walk with her again.

"We're going to be ok." Elliot said as they walked.

Olivia nodded, "I know."

Her heart craved him, but her body rejected him. She wanted to feel confident in herself again, feel sure of herself. But every time someone touched her in a way that they had, every time she even thought about it, she was torn out of reality and found herself back in that house. She squeezed his hand.

"You'll help me get back to where I need to be?" She asked as they passed people on the sidewalks.

Elliot hoped she was asking what he wished she would.

"I'll be here every step of the way."

* * *

Olivia and Elliot walked into the precinct at 8:00 to find Munch and Fin already settled in their desks, the captain in his office.

"Detective Benson. Didn't think you were due back at work yet."

Munch gave her a friendly smile. She did the same.

"Not officially. I'm just going to spend the day here, somewhere I know I can keep an eye on all you misfits."

She pulled the chair out in her desk and sat down as Elliot did.

"Glad we have someone to reprimand Munch." Fin chuckled as he set a file down on his desk.

"Olivia. You should be home."

Cragen's voice was a force of concern behind them. She turned.

"I just want to stay here for the day. I promise not to work at all." Olivia held up her right hand as she solemnly swore.

Cragen was too proud of her for words to express. Here she was, only a week and a day after being rescued from my those awful men, and she wanted to be back at work with the same kinds of people in that house.

He smiled, "Alright. Where's Sean?"

The others looked around. He was usually in the precinct by 6:00. He was nowhere to be found.

"I'll call him."

"No need." Sean's voice came from the squad room entrance.

"Sorry. Rough morning."

He set his bag down on the desk as he rubbed his eye.

"It happens to the best of us." Olivia gave him a warm smile.

She immediately saw his reaction to seeing her there. He definitely wasn't expecting it. He froze for only a moment, staring at her in disbelief.

"Oh, Sean. This is -"

"Olivia benson. I know. Nice to meet you, Detective."

He extended a hand to her which she took.

"I hear you pull your own weight around here." Liv said.

"I hope so. I'm trying." He nodded, retreating to his desk and sitting again.

No one spoke for a little while, just sat in comfortable silence.

"You look like hell Elliot. What happened to you?" Fin got up to grab a cup of coffee.

Elliot sighed. "Had a little argument last night. Kathy doesn't really understand what we do here, even after a million years of being married to me."

Munch chuckled.

"And what did you tell her?" Sean asked curiously.

Elliot shook his head. "Well first I tried to get her to calm down -"

Munch cut in. "You did what? You of all people should know that telling a woman to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat."

They each had a good laugh before the captain came out of his office.

"Rape-murder on 41st. All of you, go."

The troops got up, gave Olivia gestures of farewell, and left the room.

**What'd you think?**


	32. The Imperfect Perfection

**Sorry for the wait!**

_"Rape-murder on 41st. All of you, go." _

_The troops got up, gave Olivia gestures of farewell, and left the room. _

Olivia sat back in her chair and took long sips of her warm coffee. She was thinking about how awful she felt that she was the reason Kathy was upset with Elliot. And then she felt guilty for feeling the way she did about him. He must feel the same way, though. She could see it in his eyes this morning. The way she felt when she was around him was incomparable to anyone else. She wanted him to herself, forever.

Maybe when he came back for lunch, she'd tell him. Maybe not. Her mind suddenly switched modes randomly and unexpectedly, sending her thoughts back to a night she could only faintly remember. She had awoken with Elliot holding her shoulders. He'd saved her from enduring the rest of her awful dream, but her cheek throbbed. It was bleeding.

What had happened that night? She remembered being jolted awake, but by what? Something had come in contact with her, that's what. She felt it as she jumped out of the dream. Olivia covered her mouth with her hand. Elliot had been so distant when she'd seen him, crumpled on the floor in the shadows of her room. He had hit her to bring her back. She was torn from her thoughts as her phone lit up. She answered.

"Yeah. Yeah I have time today.

Sure.

I'll be there in a few minutes."

She spoke in a defeated tone. Her captain saw it when he exited his office. When she hung up, he spoke.

"You're not supposed to be back yet." He said softly.

She stood up.

"Well it turns out I can't be here anyway. The doctor wants me to check in so she can see if everything's healing. Just another day in the life of the violated."

Olivia felt the anger filtering out of her easily. She was no longer able to stop it. Cragen sighed.

"You can come in tomorrow and help us out with the case. If and only if you feel up to it."

She stopped her movement and looked straight at him in astonishment.

"Captain. Really?"

She couldn't believe he had just given her permission to work.

"Absolutely. You look ready." Cragen nodded at her.

"I am. Can I come back today and work it from here?"

Olivia longed to be back on the job. She just wanted some sort of normal to return to her life. Cragen hesitated again.

"Sure. But you have to do everything digitally. No getting involved with any cases directly until your leave is up and you're officially back."

He replied. She gave him only a small smile before turning to leave.

* * *

The detectives worked on the scene before heading to the victim's family's home and speaking with her parents, siblings, and boyfriend. Elliot stood up after finishing at the home, and headed back to the precinct with Sean. When the two arrived at the squad room, Olivia had vanished. Captain Cragen was there to meet them.

"Anything?"

Elliot's mind was elsewhere.

"Where's Liv?" He asked quietly.

"Doctor's appointment. She'll be back later." He assured him.

When Fin and Munch returned, the detectives worked through what they had.

* * *

The doctor violated Olivia again as she checked her injuries' progress. It only took ten minutes, but it felt like hours she was lying back, trying to forget the images of those men she had in her head.

"Everything looks good, Olivia."

The doctor peeled off her gloves as she spoke. Olivia sat up gratefully.

"Just make sure you're not doing any hard physical labor. Keep yourself relaxed."

She signed off on Olivia's file. "You're good to go."

Olivia left, thanking her before moving quickly out of the hospital. She was back on her way to the precinct in little time. She entered the squad room to find all four of the detectives and their captain standing at a large table, going over a map. Without hesitation, she made her way over there. She didn't say anything, just crossed her arms and stood amongst the rest of them.

"Perp dumped her in the alley where he raped her. After that he disappeared without a trace." Elliot finished, meeting Olivia's eyes.

"CSU forwarded surveillance footage from surrounding buildings from that night. They're swamped trying to get DNA off that alley." Fin said.

Cragen nodded, "Elliot, Olivia, go over the surveillance from that night. Sean, Munch, and Fin, head over to the ME's office to see what we have on cause of death."

The detectives jumped to action. Olivia smiled. Back to working with her partner.

"Welcome back." He smiled at her as they headed to the media center.

"Thanks."

They both stood as they opened the files CSU had just delivered via jump drive. Partners again - at last.

* * *

The day was a long one for Olivia, longer than she was used to anyway. She and her partner combed over six buildings' surveillance footage for four and a half hours, finding a few clues as to where the perp may have gone after leaving the scene of his crime. When they finished, Elliot leaned back, rubbing his eyes.

"Elliot."

Olivia felt she had to ask.

"That night when you stayed with me, when I had that nightmare."

His heart stopped. She knew. Oh God, she knew.

"I'm not mad. I know you had to wake me up. I just need to know. Did you hit me?"

She felt the words leave softly. Elliot closed his eyes, remembering the night.

His eyes met hers, "Yes."

That was all he could say. Nothing else was willing to cross the barrier his lips made between his mind and her ears. Olivia sighed before showing her teeth a little in a smile, trying to ease his tension.

"You split my stitches, Mr. Universe."

He snapped his eyes back to hers, afraid she was angry with him. When he saw her smile, he felt a small wave of relief wash over him, but he didn't smile back. He muttered quietly.

"You wouldn't wake up. I wasn't there in time the first time, but I wasn't going to let it happen again, even if it was just in a nightmare. Those men weren't going to hurt you again."

She reached over and put her hand on his back for only a moment, trying to assure him that she was ok.

"Well you did. Thank you."

Elliot sat back in his chair heavily.

"Let's hit the town tomorrow night. You and me." He suggested, wanting her to feel comfortable again in her city.

She leaned back as he did, a pen in her hands as she shrugged.

"Elliot, Kathy already -"

He shook his head, cutting her off.

"She doesn't understand what I am actually doing. I'll take the heat for helping my partner out."

Olivia felt a small smile creeping across her lips. He was doing this for her. She respected him tremendously, and his actions after her kidnap only added to that.

Liv nodded, "Alright. I'm up for it. What are we gonna do?"

He shrugged. "Times Square, what else?" He replied.

She smiled wider. It had been over six months since she'd been in the lovely chaos of Times Square. What better way to reintegrate into the world of people?

* * *

Cragen dismissed the detectives at 5:00 that evening for a little break. Elliot went home to make sure he made supper with the family. Olivia went for a night out with Melinda, Casey, and Alex. It was a nice long supper they had together, talking about things only girls would find pleasure in. They hit on a waiter, drenched Casey in ice cold water (an accident, of course), and laughed so much their cheeks hurt at the end of the night.

Olivia thoroughly enjoyed herself. Getting to hang out with her girls was something she didn't often do. Now that she had a second chance to do it, she soaked in every moment. It was like life had turned golden, a one time gem.

But parts of it also remained like coal - dirty, leaving its remnants for an eternity. Olivia could feel those black streaks in every moment. There were times, though, that she didn't even think about what had happened to her. In fact, there were a lot of times she found herself caught in the present time, smiling happily, reveling in the beauty of life.

It had been a long week since she'd stepped off the airplane at JFK, back home at last. She had come a long way. Things were brighter than before, and she would keep the lights growing in strength and intensity. Her battle was not over, but the enemy was getting ready to surrender.

Friday

Olivia was at work at 8:00 sharp. She was finally feeling needed again.

"Mornin' Sunshine." Fin smiled at her from his desk.

"Good morning, Fin." She smiled back, taking a seat across from her partner's empty desk.

Her eyes stopped on the vacant chair as her mind threw out everything that could be keeping him away from work.

"Liv, I need to talk to you."

His words came from her left as Elliot entered the squad room. She glanced up when she heard the urgency in his voice. Something was on his mind. No hesitation preceded her getting to her feet. She pushed her hands nervously down the legs of her pants as her eyes silently questioned Elliot.

He turned and walked out of the squad room, headed for the door to the roof. She followed, Fin and Munch watching the scene unfold. Elliot climbed the stairs so fast that Olivia was left in his dust. The door to the bright morning swung open when she put her hands on it. Elliot was standing at the edge of the roof, hands on the edge, his chin tucked to his chest. Olivia approached him, her concern building.

Her hand on his back was comforting, gentle, and he closed his eyes. There was no going back. He didn't know why the feeling had just hit him so hard, but it had. He needed to know now. He stood up to meet her eyes.

"Olivia, I can't lie anymore." He began.

Her heart pumped fast, and she swallowed hard.

"Ok."

Her voice was shaking as she begged for more. Elliot turned back to the roof and resumed his previous position, not meeting her eyes.

"When you were taken, I just wanted you to be back home safe. Now that you are, I can't stop thinking -" His words trailed off.

Olivia put her head down, trying to get his focus. She succeeded.

"I feel differently about you now than before."

She bit her lip, feeling a lump invading her throat.

"I know. I know, because I feel it too." She heard herself say.

She couldn't believe it. Were they really having this conversation?

"I know. But we need to say the words, otherwise I can't believe it's true."

Elliot stood up.

"Elliot -" she had tears blurring her vision.

"I am selfish for feeling like this. You have a family - it's not mine to tear apart. But I can't fight it. I tried."

His heart was pulled at when he heard her stifle a small sob. She didn't know why she was crying either. It was so emotional, that after 12 decades of pressing her feelings down, here the man she loved stood, telling her he felt the same way.

"My marriage was over six years ago. You know that. You saw it."

She shook her head, bringing her hand up to catch a tear that had slipped from the pools in her eyes.

"It's not my place to step on it anymore. I have been for twelve years, and I can't do it anymore. It's not fair to you or Kathy or your kids." Her chin quivered.

This was real. It was happening right here, right now.

"I can't survive being suffocated, Liv." He said quietly.

"And that's what I'm doing -"

"Not by you. By her, by this - what we've been doing since we met."

He brought her into a hug as she wiped another tear away. It was so confusing, so scary. She closed her eyes in the morning sun, locking her hands behind his back.

"It's not right."

His throat vibrated on her shoulder.

"But I love you."

She shut her eyes as tight as they would go, tears now raging rivers racing down her cheeks.

"I know."

The words wouldn't slip from her throat. Not yet. But she knew they would. He let her pull away only enough so they could see each other. She closed her eyes as he put his lips on hers. It felt right, like she felt it would, like he did.

And it gave them each a chill, knowing it was also wrong. So wrong. But as their gentle kiss ended, and they looked into each other's eyes, they shared in a moment of perfect tranquility. Nothing could have felt more perfect.

"Here we go."

Elliot brought her into his arms again, hugging her tightly. She repeated his words in his ear, barely audible in their tone.

"Here we go."

**Next up: Olivia's first interrogation back, and her honesty arising. **


	33. The Right Way

Both detectives went back to work after the words finally were out of their mouths. They worked hard the rest of the day, Cragen coming out of his office to check on Olivia often. He met her for lunch in the break room, offering her a sandwich he had brought. She took it gratefully.

"So what's it like being back?" He asked her just before taking a bight of his sandwich.

Olivia smiled, "It's great. I'm finally back to a place that I still understand."

Her honesty stunned him, but also made him happy. She was already back to where she needed to be.

"Well, we've missed you here. Sean's a good detective, but he's no you." The captain replied.

"It's not easy to be me. He have a family? Wife? Kids?" She questioned, her water bottle touching her lips with a relief of cool liquid.

"Wife and a daughter."

"See, that's how it is. Can't be me unless your job's your life. Only reason I'm so good at what I do is because I _have_ nothing else to do."

She took a moment to chew as Cragen tried to formulate a response.

"You're good at what you do because - well because you just are. I think it's natural for you. You were meant to do this."

The words brought her soul to peace. Her eyes shone with pride.

"I was." She nodded.

Cragen was only beginning his heart-to-heart when Olivia's phone buzzed. She cursed, remembering she had an appointment with her therapist. She stood and left him still in his high hopes. He was wishing he had more time with her to talk - just talk. He wished she would do more of it. He loved hearing everything she had to say.

* * *

The day at the therapist was an exhausting one. Olivia, feeling the weight of her secret crushing her, finally dished out her feelings. Julie sat by, listening with great intent and gratefulness as the tough detective told her everything she had previously refused to even think about.

Once she started, Olivia found it impossible to stop.

"He pointed the gun at me, and I just closed my eyes."

Her voice was distant as her eyes remained the same.

"I couldn't -" her air was abundant, making her words float on larger breaths than they needed.

"I couldn't fight it anymore. I just wanted him to pull the trigger."

She fell into reflective silence. It hurt her down to the very soul as she told it, but it was mixed feelings she had. It felt awful as it came out her windpipe, burning like acid all the way up until she spat the words out. And yet it felt indescribably freeing as the words exited and the pain stopped.

"But he didn't." Julie wanted her to continue.

They were so close to the end.

"He was gone when I opened my eyes. I almost thought maybe - maybe he had already done it. Maybe I was already gone."

She cleared her throat and swallowed before continuing. The lump in her throat was there again, an old friend who kept her company almost constantly.

"But the door swung shut behind him, and I was alone again. I don't -" she stopped, furrowing her brow, trying to remember.

"I was just waiting for Alexi to come back through the door and kill me, until I saw my partner come through the door. He pulled me into his arms and he - told me I was going to be ok, that I was safe."

She took a large gulp of air again. "And I believed him."

Then she went back to the morning. She had always felt safe with him, even when they were in mortal danger. They'd make it through whatever it was they were going through now. She heard the distant words of the therapist, incomprehensible to her ears, now a vacuum vortex.

She snapped back, "I'm sorry, what?"

"And he's been beside you since then?"

Her tone was, again, irritating Olivia. Mood swing was an understatement. She wanted to say 'No he quit. No he hates me now. Come on, Julie, use your brain! Of course he's been helping me.' But she didn't.

They finished three hours after they'd began. Olivia couldn't even believe that she'd wasted almost the entire work day in an office, getting her head shrunk. She checked her phone: four missed calls. 1 Cragen, 3 Elliot. She couldn't hide her smile. Elliot had kissed her. He had said he loved her. Her skin broke out into goosebumps again.

* * *

Elliot saw Olivia sitting at her desk when he exited the interrogation room with Sean.

"Hey." He said, glad to see her back.

"Hi, listen, I'm sorry. I had to duck out for a few hours." She apologized as she sat.

"No it's fine. Really. Not much happened around here. Except we have a guy - Spanish speaker, in interrogation."

"You guys talk to him?" She asked, standing up.

She knew no one besides her could speak the language fluently.

Elliot shook his head, "You know none of us passed Spanish class in high school. You want to take a stab at him?" He asked.

Olivia smiled, "Absolutely."

She followed him into the darkened hallway. The man was sitting, no lawyer present, his chin tucked into his chest.

"Where'd you find him?"

"Truck stop in Staten Island. We got a call to the tip line that there was a guy tossing bloody clothing at the rest stop. He was there alone, with our victim's blood on the clothes he had tossed. That's as much as we know."

Elliot turned the speaker so he could hear from the outside.

"Aright. Let's see how it goes." She stepped to the side and opened the door.

The man looked up at her as she walked into the familiar space.

"I was hoping they'd bring me someone like you." His smile was yellowing.

She was confused, but didn't let herself show it.

"So you do speak English. A miracle."

She gave him a stern look as she leaned on the table in front of him.

"Picked it up quick, I guess." He leaned back.

"I have to ask. How did a dead girl's blood end up all over your clothes?" Olivia sat down on the cool metal table.

"Not sure. Got the clothes from some homeless guy in Queens."

His smile met her eyes again.

"And this guy, you know him?"

She went on his track, trying to convince him that she believed him, even though she felt her senses heighten. Something was off.

"Nope. Lives in some burned out lot there. I can give you an address. You can go arrest him right now." He said.

"Or your friends can. Give us some time alone."

She took a deep breath, not willing to lose her composure. When she stood back up, he wiped his nose, having seen her arm.

"Nice tat." She sat down.

Breathe. Breathe.

"You're perfect for the business."

Her heart dropped as she met his eyes. He leaned forward.

"Heard they did ya hard."

Her breathing stopped.

The air in her lungs left, shriveling them to the size of a fist.

"Can't say I blame 'em." He finished in a whisper.

The door behind her opened as she pushed her chair out and stood up on shaky legs.

"Liv, come on."

He held out his arm and got his partner behind him before speaking.

"Our friends at the FBI love you guys. You'll be dealing with them from now on, after you write down that address of course." He tossed a pen at him.

"You got ten minutes."

He swung the door shut. Olivia shook her head.

"Oh my god."

She couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Oh my god." She repeated.

Elliot's hands were on her shoulders, steadying her as she put her shaking hand on her mouth.

"I'm ok." She tried to assure him.

"It's ok to not be fine, Olivia. You don't have to be 'fine' all the time."

She met his eyes as tears filled her own.

"Ok. I'm not fine."

He took her into his arms the second time that day, feeling like he was in the right place. His small smile disappeared quickly. Her arms were folded across her chest as he let her hold her, her tears setting his shoulder.

"He's going away." He whispered.

Olivia willed herself to stop her tears. The water was dammed up just below her eyes as she pulled back.

"We still heading to Times Square tonight?" She asked.

He nodded, smiling.

"Absolutely. Right after I kill that guy, we'll be on our way."

She chuckled at him. He had the ability to make her laugh even when she felt like crying.

* * *

The man wrote down the address, leading them to a dead end. It was not the true story. Olivia had a feeling about where the case was going. The girl had been last seen at a coffee shop in Queens at midnight. Her body was beaten, but she had fought back. Her lung had been punctured, which made it impossible for her to have screamed as she lost her battle. They'd raped her as she suffocated and then left her for dead.

She glanced at her arm more than once after the interrogation, thinking. She couldn't cover it up, but that couldn't stop her from making it a less painful reminder. The night crept up, the light of day fading as supper approached. Elliot told Cragen about the interrogation room incident, which he then called in to the FBI.

"It's not our problem anymore." He had assured Olivia.

The captain appeared again at 6:45.

"Go home, all of you. Have a good weekend." He disappeared again.

They left, Fin and Munch in a pair, Sean alone, and Elliot and Olivia in their pair. It was time to hit the town. He stood on the curb and hailed a cab for the two of them, and slipped into the seat next to Olivia.

"I'm starving." She sighed.

He smiled, "Me too. Pizza?" He asked.

She nodded. "That would be lovely."

They sat close together, their heat mingling in the space around them.

"El?" She whispered.

He was so close to her when he looked down.

"Yeah?"

"Are we really going to do this?"

She wasn't talking about their night on the town. He knew that. He took a deep breath.

"What other choice do we have?" He gave her a grin.

They shared a passionate kiss, with no flashbacks for Olivia, just before they got out of the car and walked into the pizza place.

It was going to be a beautiful night.


	34. The One

After eating two huge slices of greasy pizza, the two detectives stepped out into the lovely atmosphere of Times Square, just around the corner. The lights were as bright as either of them had remembered. They walked with their hands together, fingers intertwined. It felt perfectly right.

As they rounded the corner of Times Square, the crowds became thicker. Olivia kept her hand in Elliot's for security, walking in sync with him, remaining close to his body. The horns honked constantly, taxi drivers and restless workers trying to get to wherever they were headed as quickly as possible. Sirens went off every two minutes at least. These all were sounds the two detectives, as New York natives, were accustomed to hearing. But Olivia still felt her heart leap into her throat every time a horn or a siren sounded too close to her and her partner.

She felt the safest she ever had, though, walking through the sea of people with her savior, her protector. They walked to the center of the small sitting area and stopped to look around. As they stood there in the midst of thousands of people, they could feel how small they really were in the grand scheme of things. But neither even noticed.

"So. Where we headed?" He asked.

Olivia sighed, "Is there a tattoo place close here?"

He looked down at her.

"Yeah. Why?"

He was curious as to her questioning.

"I just wanted to get something added to this." She held her arm up.

"And you know what you want?" He asked.

She nodded, "Yeah, I do."

"Well then let's go do it." He began walking, to which she matched.

They walked the length of the famous, iconic square, turning to the left before entering the place Elliot had been headed to.

"How can I help you two?" A woman, every inch of her arms tattooed, her hair orange and spiky asked.

They let their hands remain as they had been since leaving the precinct. They didn't have a sense of caring who saw.

"I need a white tattoo. Do you do those?" Olivia held up her arm.

The woman looked down and took her arm gently into her hands.

"Yep, we got it. Come on back."

Elliot watched as the woman peeled the stencil back and went to work. Olivia was almost thrown back to the day when she'd had the tattoo forced onto her arm. He saw her eyes close, her hand clench. He put his fingers between hers.

"Stay here, Liv." He whispered, quietly enough so that only she could hear.

She smiled, "I will. You're stuck with me."

The woman looked up, a smile on her own face.

"You guys are so cute."

She went back to work, leaving both detectives with smiles on their faces. When the work was finished, the sound of the needle stopped.

"Well there you are. Nice addition, if I do say so myself." The woman smiled, peeling off her gloves.

Her red skin surrounded the word just above the number sequence on her arm.

Elliot smiled, "I love it."

She glanced down at the word 'Fearless,' now a reminder of the good amidst the bad. The word had always meant so much to her. In fact, she carried a form of it on a gold pendant around her neck everyday, but now, in white ink and an elegant font, she was able to see it. She'd never forget.

"Thank you."

Olivia was helped out of the chair by Elliot as he took her arm and clasped her hand. The woman grinned. She saw so much love.

"Do you mind if I ask what the other tat's from?"

She laid the needle gun down and stood up, wiping her hands on her pants as they walked toward the counter.

Elliot nodded reassuringly at Olivia.

"If you don't want to say, that's totally fine."

"No. It's ok. It's good for me." Olivia said.

"Uh - I was a victim of drug and human trafficking. It was my brand."

The woman's face dead panned. "Oh god. I'm sorry."

Her tone was sincere.

"No need. You helped me out. How much?"

When she leaned against the counter the woman shook her head.

"It's on the house. You're one awesome person. Just one thing."

"Yeah?" Olivia smiled.

"Keep your chin up." The woman turned her arm upside down to reveal a tattoo very similar to Olivia's on her forearm amidst the other ink. The world was so very small.

"You too."

The two left, their hearts feeling light.

* * *

As they walked through stores and watched the crazy people, Olivia began to feel a little closed in. She moved her other arm to clutch Elliot's.

"We're fine."

He spoke while he watched straight ahead.

"I know." She nodded after a large swallow.

He turned to look at her, and she smiled back at him.

"I'm ok."

He chuckled a little. She was the most stubborn woman he'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. She was always 'ok.' He recalled only one time he'd asked her if she was ok and she answered with the word 'no.'

They went and got two margaritas, taking a seat and just soaking in the Friday night lights.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" She asked him as she set down her glass.

"I actually have nothing planned for tomorrow, and on Sunday I get to spend the day with Eli." He replied.

She smiled at him. "Well that sounds nice."

She took another sip of the refreshing drink.

"What about you?"

She sighed. "Tomorrow - I'm not sure. We'll see how it ends up. But Sunday I'm going to Simon's for lunch, and they want me to stick around for the afternoon. It'll be fun to see the kids again."

She smiled in spite of herself. Elliot did too.

"You still want them? Kids I mean?"

He took a sip of his drink as well. Olivia always got this feeling when she talked about having kids. She shifted, the anxiety, joy, pain, excitement, and defeat flooding her again. She met his eyes as she swallowed a lump in her throat.

"More than anything." She answered honestly.

He could tell just by hearing her tone that she was feeling emotional about it. She always had.

"Well maybe it'll happen soon." He nodded, a grin spreading across his face.

She questioned him playfully. "What are you suggesting?"

Her smile amused him.

"We've been practically married for the past twelve years. I'm surprised we don't have a kid already." He joked.

She laughed. "Oh, alright. It doesn't happen that way."

He smiled, becoming serious again, a smile still gracing his lips.

"I know."

They sat in a joyful silence for a moment, just taking in the sounds and sights of Times Square. Olivia finally voiced her thoughts.

"Elliot, you're wife -"

"Has nothing to do with this." Elliot finished.

"This is between you and me, not you me and a woman I stopped loving years ago. She feels the same way about me."

She shook her head, avoiding his eyes.

"You went back." Olivia reflected quietly.

She remembered how it had felt when her hopes were again crushed, stomped on until there was little life left in them.

"Because I had a duty to my child. My only priority now is you."

He tasted how wrong the words were as they left his mouth. A man of the catholic faith, devoted to his children, his family, his wife, was breaking his vow. The strangest feeling was, that a part of him, the majority of him, was telling him it was right even in the wrong.

"Olivia I've been thinking about you every minute of every day since the moment we met."

His words were so honest that Olivia felt them reverberate in her own heart. He looked down towards his feet as he reflected.

"You were so young, so honest." He paused.

"So fearless. And you knew what your purpose was in the world."

She smiled at him. "I still do. It's just a little more personal now - if that's possible." She replied.

Elliot met her eyes. "It is possible, and it makes me love you even more."

He didn't want to tell her everything so soon, but he felt the words cascading from his lips so easily that he could not stop them.

"It was your smile that got me the first day. And then it was our hugs, my early morning stops for breakfast at your apartment, your smiles late at night, your laugh when I joked, your eyes when they cried, the steam your breath made in the winter."

She felt her eyes beginning to blur. The old Olivia Benson cried over hardly anything, and now she found herself crying over almost everything. Elliot stopped, his eyes still locked on hers. Olivia slid her hand over the table and squeezed his gently. A comfort that was encrypted with silent words of honesty and appreciation. She sat back again.

"You know, the breakfast at my apartment was only you stealing my orange juice and seeing me extremely underdressed."

Her voice was light and playful. Elliot chuckled.

"The first time it was an accident. The second time -"

she raised her eyebrow at him.

"Ok the second time wasn't an accident."

Olivia laughed, her smile sending goosebumps in a coil down Elliot's spine. He might never have had the chance to see that smile again. He would enjoy everything she did from this point forward. Life was too short to take things for granted.

"I knew it. What were you doing in my bedroom anyway?"

She recalled walking out of the shower in her undergarments, expecting to find her apartment, let alone her bedroom, empty. There he was, turning toward her. Elliot remembered seeing the drops of water glisten as they traveled from her stringy hair down her chest and into the canyon of her -

"Elliot."

She was amused at how distant he looked. She knew where he had gone, too. He snapped back to reality.

"I was looking through the case file on your dresser."

He saw the look she was giving him.

"Seriously." He smiled.

She nodded, "Alright."

They sat in a comfortable silence again as the lights of Times Square darted around the glistening coat on their eyes.

"I always hoped I'd see that again."

His words were almost in audible.

She nodded, "You will. Just not tonight."

She examined her arm, still angry red around the white letters that formed the word. Elliot looked straight up and into her eyes.

"You're so beautiful."

Never had words ever tasted so sweet, so true. Olivia leaned forward to mirror him. She couldn't even speak. Their lips were joined again over the small red table as they held onto each others hands, resting on the table.

* * *

When Elliot walked into his home at 1:00, he took a deep breath. The feelings of animosity would soon engulf him when he climbed into bed with the woman he had married so long ago. He found her sleeping on her side in the darkness of their room. After he changed, he slid in next to her, turning so his back was toward her. It was not a house of love anymore. It had been for only two years - the first year when they met and Elliot went off to the marines. Then the second year when he and Kathy had married, finding she was pregnant.

After their daughter was born, the relationship had become about supporting her, not about loving each other. Elliot wanted out. But he wanted to keep his promises to Kathy. He had to be there to help put food on the table for his children. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, or him.


	35. The Secret

Saturday

Olivia awoke to the smell of pancakes cooking. She sat up straight, wondering who had entered her apartment. Her curiosity dissipated when she left her room to find Fin flipping a series of pancakes on the griddle with his other hand in the air. She smiled as she rubbed her right eye.

"Well good morning, sleepy head." He smiled at her warmly.

Olivia pulled a stool out for herself and took a seat at the counter.

"How did you get in?" She returned the smile as she attempted to wake up.

Fin shrugged, "I've got Stabler. He had your key, so I just - borrowed it." He chuckled.

"Right. Well you didn't have to do this, Fin."

She looked at him with her head tilted to the side, her eyes still not completely open.

"I know." He leaned forward. "I wanted to."

She felt the feeling pass through her again: love. She loved her friends to death, even more so now. And the fact that one of her closest friends was in her kitchen at 7:30 in the morning cooking her breakfast made her feel that love from them.

He placed a plate in front of her and flipped a pancake and twp sausages onto it before sliding syrup, butter, a fork and knife in front of her. He did the same for himself and took a seat right alongside her. He loved being able to see her anytime her wanted. He had almost lost that, and now he knew how special it really was to have her around. As he sat, he spoke what he felt.

"I just feel like - I never took the opportunity to see you because I just thought you'd always be here."

He took the syrup when she handed it to him. His words melted her heart.

"So I wanted to do something for you. I guess breakfast is about the only thing I _can_ do."

She laughed at him and then paused her food preparation to just hold his eyes in hers.

"Thank you, Fin. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Olivia squeezed his arm before they enjoyed their breakfast. They sat alongside one another, brother and sister, talking life, lighthearted jokes, and dry news. The morning was a good one.

* * *

Elliot awoke in an empty bed, hearing the sounds of Saturday cartoons playing for Eli downstairs and dishes clanking together in the sink. He sat up, smiling. He had never stopped smiling after he'd left Olivia at her apartment. Their evening had been absolutely perfect, and he felt happier than he had ever felt before.

But he had to face the music as he walked downstairs to where Kathy was washing the dishes in the sink. She looked up briefly at him before returning her gaze to the water. He grabbed the orange juice from the fridge, not even bothering with a glass.

"So, drinks again last night?" Her tone was steady, monotonous.

Elliot took the carton from his mouth, "Yeah."

He replaced the orange juice and walked to grab a cup of coffee from the full pot on the counter beside his wife. She could feel that something had changed, but she knew it was already too late to do anything about it. They _were_ doing something about it already. She knew it was the right thing, the only thing they could do.

"We're going to my taking some things to the house and staying at my sister's today, Eli and Liz and I. Richard is going to a friend's house to stay the night. Maureen and Kathleen will be home tomorrow." She said.

Elliot nodded as he poured his cup of liquid energy.

"Alright. Anything else you need done today?" He asked honestly.

Maybe their love was shattered, but their friendship, whatever condition it was in, would never be.

"No."

He approached her. "Kathy - we have to tell them -"

"They'll all be here tomorrow. We will."

He paused, looking straight into her eyes.

She dried her hands off and disappeared into the living room. She returned with Eli in her arms and Liz following her closely. She headed to grab her purse before opening the door.

"Bye."

She didn't even wait for a reply when she left. Elliot took a deep breath.

* * *

"Alright, I've got to get to Munch's. I promised him lunch." Olivia smiled at Fin.

"You lost a bet?" She questioned.

Fin nodded.

"Sure did. That old man has still got it in him. Anyways, I hope your day is a good one."

He handed her the last dish to dry and put into the cupboard and then walked toward the door.

"Thanks again Fin. I hope you have a lovely dinner." She gave him a smile and watched him leave.

She was alone with her thoughts again.

Elliot. That's who occupied her mind at the moment. His wife. His kids. She felt so right when she was with him, but she knew in her heart that she was being selfish. She couldn't tear his marriage apart. She'd done enough damage. But he helped her. He was helping her get back on her feet and travel at a normal pace again.

Olivia wiped her hands on her soft pants and walked to where she picked up her cell phone and dialed his number. He picked up immediately.

_"Hey, Liv." _He answered.

"Hey. Listen, could we talk sometime today?" She replied quickly.

He hesitated slightly, telling her that he was apprehensive as to what she might say.

"_Uh - sure. You want to come over? Kathy went to visit her sister with the kids." _

Olivia nodded. "I'll bring lunch." She said.

_"Alright. I'll see you soon."_

"Ok. Bye."

_"Bye."_

* * *

Elliot answered the door when he heard the bell ring, and she stepped in, three containers in her hand. He closed the door behind her as she entered the kitchen and set down the dishes.

"Aright. I have macaroni salad, and potato salad, and fried chicken." She said, opening the containers so the heavenly smells infiltrated the walls of the room.

Elliot smiled at her. She was an amazing woman.

"What?"

She felt him looking at her, and met his gaze with a smile.

"Nothing." He replied, grabbing plates and cans of pop.

They ate thoughtfully, sitting across from each other at the dining room table.

"El, I know how we feel about each other."

He knew where this was going.

"But I can't stomp on your family any more. I just can't."

She put the bone of her chicken leg down after finishing. Elliot shook his head.

"Liv, there's something I didn't tell you."

She looked intently into his eyes.

"Kathy and I aren't together anymore." He finished quietly.

Olivia furrowed her brow in confusion. She squinted her eyes as she spoke.

"I don't understand."

Elliot shifted in his seat again with a sigh.

"The divorce papers are going through. I signed them the day before you went missing."

Her heart jumped and fell at the same time.

"I'm sorry, El." She whispered and after a pause, stabbed a forkful of macaroni salad.

"This was a long time coming. The only reason I'm still in this house is because of the kids. Kathleen and Maureen are coming home tomorrow so we can tell them at the same time." Elliot replied, taking a mouthful of potato salad in.

They sat in silence, Olivia not making eye contact with him.

"Look at me, Liv." Elliot could feel her discomfort.

She did so, freezing her hands in their actions.

"I wouldn't have done anything different." He whispered.

A small smile spread across her lips.

"I wouldn't have either." She gave him a full grin.

"So come here."

She stood from her spot and made her way over to him as he stood up. They shared another embrace full of love before bringing their lips together. Olivia felt her heart smile as her eyes remained closed. When they separated, Elliot smiled at her, only inches from her face.

"Mmmm." He chuckled. "Macaroni."

Olivia faked a grimace and smiled back. He placed a kiss on her nose, having her close her eyes again. Every time his lips touched her, every nerve shivered in unison.

"Ok. So now what?" She opened her eyes, still held around the waist by him.

She looked up into his eyes longingly.

"We spend a Saturday together, like normal people do." He replied.

She nodded, "Ok."

She put her hands on his chest as she kissed him quickly again. Then she left his arms and removed the food, beverages, and dishes from the table, heading into the kitchen with her arms full. Elliot smiled at her as he watched her go. She seemed so incredible. She was. After being terrorized, tortured, subjected to the very thing she worked to fight, Olivia still stood as tall as she ever had.

He wanted to see her at his dining room table every night for supper, kiss her like he had after every long day, hold her like he knew he could when she cried. He wanted a life with her. With a happy shake of his head, Elliot headed to the living room to pop a movie in.

They watched Monsters Inc. before watching Despicable Me. Olivia spent the whole first movie sitting close to Elliot. They sat with their hands in each other's, fingers intertwined, her head on his shoulder. After a while, Olivia switched to a position which sat her up on inside arm of the couch, her feet settled comfortably in on Elliot's lap.

They had been so close for so long that nothing seemed strange or awkward. Both felt like they'd been in a relationship, however unstable at times, since the day they met. It was just a stronger, more open relationship now. And so they spent a day like normal people might - not thinking about work or the awfulness that New York City had to offer. Just enjoying each other's company.

Elliot never forgot, every time he looked at her face, that he had almost lost her. He would cherish every smile she gave, every laugh she laughed. Now he could take it in to its fullest extent. He valued it and saved it all in his heart, now under lock and key. There weren't words for him to describe how he felt. She was just amazing. Altogether amazing. And she was his.

Sunday

Olivia spent the afternoon speaking with her therapist. Her burden was getting lighter. It wasn't disappearing, but the she was learning to live alongside flashbacks and memories. The awful memories those men branded her with may never have a chance to disappear. Scars never heal to blend in with that which surrounds it. Olivia was finding that to be what her situation was. Her scars were healing, never to disappear completely, but in time, to allow her to live life as she always had.

* * *

Elliot and Kathy sat in their lawyer's office after they had told their kids what was happening. The papers were finalized and sealed, the action complete. They stood, walking out the doors and down the hallway quietly. There was no anger or remorse. Both knew very well they were doing what was best for them.

The love had dissolved, not enough to keep a family together, side by side. Elliot helped Kathy and the kids pack the last of their things. She moved into her own house near her sister's in Jersey City, leaving Elliot with a nearly empty house. He held Eli in his arms as Richard and Liz left the driveway with his ex-wife. A heavy feeling got lighter, but still hung above him.

* * *

The trial was on the fast-track; the lawyers and agents involved in the case were prepared for a fight. There was none to speak of. The first hearing was held that Saturday, all men pleading guilty to all counts on strong advise of their lawyers.

Everyone deserved a fair trial, but even those lawyers assigned to cover the case knew they'd lose anyway. There was too much evidence, too many victims against them. The world continued its slow spiral as it righted itself.

* * *

His love laid half beside him, half on top of him, her head and hand on his chest while the TV played the news headlines they already knew about. Her eyes closed with the rhythmic movements his lungs had his chest making. She was wedged alongside him on his couch, possibly the most comfortable she had ever been.

The comfort combined with the safety she felt made her sure that everything would be alright. He kept his hand softly stroking her back as the night closed in on New York City. They spent the night lying in the same bed, just sleeping, holding each other. It was a beautifully perfect night.


	36. The Time Has Come

The week began with a tough case, and ended with an even tougher one. Two children, one taken advantage of by a man she knew and trusted, the other by a complete stranger who took so much more. The second young girl was discovered floating in the river near the Brooklyn bridge.

Olivia was kept out of the interrogation room for the week, but was able to make a connection to the victims better than she ever could have before. Her awful situation was turning into an advantage she now had to gain trust and mutual understanding.

It was, however, a struggle for her to keep up with the impossible pace that her team raced through the days at. It was the same pace she used to set. The battle was far from over, but the enemy was waning in size.

* * *

Three Months Later

The young teenager entered the precinct that Friday evening, the last day of Olivia's 10th full week back. When the girl entered the precinct, Olivia sat at her desk, organizing paperwork from the case they'd wrapped up and handed to the DA. She folded her hands nervously as she walked in toward the woman who seemed so invincible, so confident to her.

"Detective Benson?"

Olivia snapped her head up to where she stood.

"Taylor. Uh - what can I do for you?"

She pushed her chair out from beneath the desk and stood up. Taylor shifted her weight on her feet as the detective rose inches above her.

"I just - my mom went back to work and I - I just need someone to talk to." She replied, slight shame in her voice.

She felt that she shouldn't be asking for help, that it made her weak.

"Oh absolutely. Come on, sweetheart."

Olivia put a hand on her shoulder gently and then led her into the interview room in the precinct. They both took a seat, Taylor on the couch and Olivia across from her in another chair.

"Can I get you anything?" Liv asked her quietly.

Taylor shook her head.

"Ok. So what's bothering you, Taylor."

The teen sighed. "When I go to bed at night, I have to sleep with the light on because -"

her shame returned

" - because I'm afraid of the shadows."

Olivia nodded, completely understanding what that was like.

"There's nothing wrong with that."

She assured the timid girl, who didn't yet know about Olivia's attack.

"Will it ever go away? The flashbacks, the nightmares?" Taylor seemed like she was struggling to swim in the ocean her assault had created.

Liv nodded, "They will. It may take time, but it will get better."

Taylor nodded, falling into silence again. Olivia took a deep breath. It was time to tell the struggling young woman of her own attack.

"I know you've been looking at this tattoo ever since we met."

She had seen Taylor's eyes glance down there more than once. Taylor looked up to where the detective pointed.

"What does it mean?" Taylor asked.

A deep breath. "It means I survived. This was the brand my attackers gave me, for me to always remember that I was theirs." Olivia replied.

Taylor's face showed her confusion and surprise.

"You were raped too?" She asked.

Olivia nodded. "And I won't ever forget it. But I will learn to live with it, and I will be here for you every step of the way until _you_ do."

Taylor felt a tear slip over the brim of her eye and down her cheek. Olivia stood up, sitting herself back down alongside the overwhelmed Taylor. She wrapped her arm around her and held her closely. Taylor was glad for the comfort.

"I had to sleep with the lights on for three days. I blacked out and went back whenever I heard a car honk, tires squeal."

Taylor felt she was no longer alone. Someone else knew her pain.

"But I'm going to be ok." Olivia hugged her closer.

"And you will be too."

* * *

Captain Cragen saw when his detective led the teenager into the interview room. He turned the audio on and stood up at the window as they spoke to each other. Hearing those words come out of Olivia's mouth, seeing the understanding she had in her eyes at the words of seventeen-year-old Taylor put pride in his heart and a sparkle in his eye.

She had always been the most compassionate of his detectives on the job, but now she was so much more so. Every victim could trust her now because she had been in the same situation they had. Except out of all of them, Olivia probably had had it the worst, the most painful, the most traumatic. And yet here she was, talking to a young girl about what had happened to her like it hadn't.

She didn't deserve to have been violently attacked like that, treated like property, subjected to the pain she tried to save every man and woman from on a daily basis. Cragen sighed as he watched her hug Taylor closely as she cried on her shoulder. It was amazing seeing how Olivia rebounded even from something as awful as that. She was standing as tall, if not taller than she had before, and her presence was still a force.

When he walked into the squad room (the days he wasn't first) he could tell when she was sitting there as the calmness reached his heart and surrounded him. He didn't even have to see her to feel the comfort she brought him. He was the captain, the one supposed to provide security for his detectives, but he found her to make him feel safer than he felt he ever could for her.

Olivia would never know how much she meant to Cragen. He couldn't find the words to tell her. And as long as she stayed with him in that precinct, he would never have the need to tell her. He turned the audio down and reached for the door handle into the room, letting himself enter only a little.

"Liv."

She ran her hand gently up and down Taylor's shoulder before standing up.

"I'll be right back."

She left and closed the door behind her, facing her captain in his office.

"Take her home, and go home yourself. You've done great work all week, Liv. I'm proud of you. They were tough cases."

His voice was soft, but she took in every praising word. Her smile relieved him. He didn't think he would ever grow tired of seeing it.

"Aren't they all?" She reached for the handle again.

"Thanks, Captain."

She put an arm out to help Taylor up from the couch, and she disappeared out the front door with the young girl in the protective grip of her gentle arm.

* * *

Only moments after his partner had disappeared from the precinct, Elliot, Munch, and Fin wrapped up their trip from supper and entered the squad room. He smiled when he reached his desk and found the sticky note hidden in plain sight, attached to the side of his computer screen.

'_Taking Taylor home. Meet you at my place soon. Liv'_

His heart sped up as he looked at the black words on the yellow background in his hand. Every time he got to see her outside the precinct, he came alive a little more inside. It was like she was repairing him from years of damage. She mended his invisible wounds with every smile, every laugh, every touch. The way she looked at him made him feel alive again.

"If your paperwork is in, you all can head home."

Cragen's voice came from the doorway of his office. Elliot sat, whipping his pen across the surface of the files for only five minutes before finishing. He couldn't wait to see her again, ever though it had been only an hour or so since he last had. As he walked into his captain's office, he could tell his superior officer had something on his chest. He dropped the files on his desk carefully, his brow furrowed in curiosity.

"What's up, Cap?" He stepped back and crossed his arms.

"I was just going to ask you the same thing." Cragen leaned back.

"Have a seat."

Elliot did so and folded his hands.

"Kathy called. She wanted to know if you'd be home tonight. She was wondering if she could stop by and grab a couple things she forgot."

Elliot sighed, shaking his head. Now his captain knew what was happening.

"You two separated?" Cragen's tone was soft, concerned.

"Yeah. Divorce was finalized three months ago."

He didn't want to talk about it with his captain. He didn't want to talk period.

"You want to talk?" The captain pried gently.

Elliot shook his head again.

"No. It's fine, captain. This was a long time coming. I'm just relieved it's done."

Cragen nodded as his detective stood up.

"I'll see you Monday."

He was gone before the captain could ask him what he really wanted to know. He had noticed the new feelings in the squad room. Not bad, just different. Something had gone further than it had before, and he knew it was with Olivia and Elliot. He smiled. That was not an issue, nor would it ever be an issue. They were best friends, top notch detectives, and none of that was ever going to change.

* * *

Olivia dropped Taylor off at her home in Queens, walked her up to the steps, and then said goodbye and headed back across the bridge to Manhattan. Her heart pounded in her throat. She knew that tonight would be the night. Tonight she would take the next step, the biggest step toward a normal life again. And she would take that step with her most trusted friend. She would never be alone again.

Through the traffic of Friday night, she finally arrived in the parking garage beneath her building. She swung her purse over her shoulder and locked the vehicle as she walked to the elevator that would take her to her fourth floor apartment. On the ride up, she reached for her beeping phone and found a message from him.

'_Beat ya. No need to pull a gun when you see the lights on.' _

She smiled, even chuckled a little to herself. He gave her everything she didn't think she deserved, and even though she hadn't said it yet, she loved him. With every beat of her heart, every breath of her mouth, every kiss, every touch, she loved him.

The elevator opened on her floor, and she walked down the hall until the very last apartment, taking out her key and unlocking the door. There he was, in her small kitchen with a bottle of wine in his hands. He smiled when he saw her.

"Hi."

She smiled wide as she walked in and gave him a quick kiss.

"Happy Friday."

He popped the bottle's stopper off and poured two glasses, Olivia setting down her bag and taking a seat on one of the stools at her counter.

"Thank God." She sighed happily.

He handed a glass to her, from which she took a sip immediately, closing her eyes as the glorious liquid slid down her throat.

"Come here." Elliot reached out his hand as he rounded the corner to her.

She took it, holding it gently as she followed him to the living room and sat down on the couch. Her hand drew circles on the surface of his as they sat comfortably, letting the weight of the week melt off.

"Elliot?" She heard herself saying.

"Yeah, Liv." He replied in a whisper.

"There's something I have to tell you." Olivia felt the words ready to burst out of her.

He found her gaze, their faces inches apart in the dim light of the living room.

"And what's that?" He put his arm around her protectively.

"That I love you." He took and held the words before letting them sink down into his heart. A smile slowly spread across his lips.

"Well it's about time." He chuckled, setting his wine glass to the side table, and the taking hers to place it on the coffee table. He put his hand on her cheek as he turned toward her, and she put her lips to his. They remained in like that, capturing each other's soft lips until Olivia pulled away only millimeters to speak.

"I'm ready."

She moved to put her cheek against his, her eyes closing. Elliot put his arms around her, hugging her closely before putting his lips once again on hers. They looked straight into each other's eyes as he nodded.

"Ok."

They stood up, her fingers locking in his as he led her down her hallway, and into the darkness of her bedroom.


	37. The Way

He faced her as they walked, him forward, her back. The darkness of the apartment swallowed them as they continued their slow movements into the bedroom. When they stood at the foot of her bed, Elliot stopped as she did, in synch with one another as they had always been.

She held his gaze in hers, her heart beating fast and light. She never wanted to go back to where those men had taken her - not now, not ever. Elliot heard her speaking in her head. He planned to love her gently, and he began by showing her his soft touch. He put his hand beneath her hair, his palm settling on the back of her neck while the other wrapped around her waist, bringing her toward him. Her lips met his again.

Her eyes closed as she felt the passion in his soft lips. Her heartbeat slowed. She knew it was time to do what she had to. She had to get back to where she was before, and this would do that. Her lips parted, granting him full access to everything she had. His tongue slid into her velvety mouth and rimmed the bottom of her teeth.

Elliot ended the kiss and unbuttoned his shirt. Olivia took a breath and did the same. After he slid the fabric off his shoulders and onto the floor, Olivia moved her hands from her own shirt onto his rippling muscles. Her shirt was open, revealing a sliver of skin to Elliot. He closed his eyes. Her touch was like that of an angel's. Her fingers traveled along every contours his abs made in his tough skin.

She was amazed that they were doing what they were. It felt like she was in a dream, a dream she'd had for over a decade. Elliot let her explore his torso for only a moment longer before sliding her shirt off her shoulders. She shuddered involuntarily as the cool room touched her skin. She closed her eyes, willing herself not to see those men. It was time.

Elliot brought her in for another passionate kiss after he saw the fear in her eyes. They didn't need to speak aloud. Their thoughts gave the message through their eyes, which both could hear loud and clear. He backed her up until the backs of her knees touched the foot of the bed. Not taking his lips from hers, he lowered her to the bed. They broke their kiss as she slid up to the pillows at the headboard.

Elliot unbuttoned his pants and slid them off before joining her. He gave her a reassuring kiss before doing the same to her. And there she was, sprawled before him, his partner of 12 years in only her lace undergarments. Her body was touched by age, perfectly curved and tanned. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He smiled down at her, and she did up at him. She was ready - she felt she was.

As he climbed up to capture her lips again, her hand wrapped gently around his wrist while he supported his weight. She could feel the love coursing through him, just through his touch. His left hand, free to roam, wandered down her smooth shoulder and down the length of her body. It felt like silk beneath his fingers. Her next movement left her vulnerable to him, but she had done it on her own.

She slipped the straps of her bra over her shoulders and laid before him nearly naked. Elliot took his kisses downward, first kissing her jawbone, then her neck, then her collar bone. His hand laid wherever his mouth was not. He traveled down the canyon between her breasts, just as soft and perfect as he had seen them before, contained only by her purple bra that morning so many years before. And now they were his.

Each and every time his lips touched her body, Olivia's skin broke out into goosebumps, tiny little shocks sent through her every nerve. She loved every moment, not even thinking about what she'd been through only three months before.

When he was finished showering her in his gentle loving kisses, Elliot found himself sliding his fingers beneath the fabric of her last undergarment. He slid the lace down her legs and took in the sight of her before him. She looked so comfortable in her beauty, so beautiful in her confidence. She was a woman who was unlike any he'd ever encountered before.

Olivia was so confident in herself, so fearless. In fact, the only thing she now wore before him in the dimly lit room was her 'fearlessness' pendant. It was the only thing she needed. Now he knew the word was a true description of her. If he were ever asked to describe his partner, friend, and lover in one word, it would be 'fearless.'

They never spoke. No words were going to be needed. Both could hear each other through their thoughts. Elliot felt himself so ready it hurt. He pushed his own last layer of clothing down his legs and then joined her again on the bed. He held his weight with his right hand as he kissed her soft lips softly and lovingly.

Olivia's eyes were closed every time they kissed. It was like being in love had a whole new meaning to her. She was ready to take the next step past the point of no return. He pulled back, looking straight into her eyes, looking for the ok. Olivia gave him a nod and a soft spoken word.

"Go."

He captured her lips in another kiss as he pushed her legs open with his knee. He lowered himself down, anxious and ready to be inside her. He grazed her entrance and his lips left hers as she wrapped here arms around his neck gently, his head and hers right next to each other. Cheek to cheek, heavy breath caressing both their faces.

Another nod.

He began to bury himself. Her breath came in unequal bursts, some short, some incredibly long. Elliot didn't stop until he was filling her completely. She had her brow furred together in concentrated pleasure. The feeling of him inside her was different than when those men had taken it by force. They were in complete sync with each other as their bodies became one.

When they reached the point where Elliot could go no farther, they just held each other for a moment. Olivia breathed deeply, her breaths tickling Elliot's cheeks. He closed his eyes in pure pleasure, taking in the feeling he'd thought he'd never experience. Her eyes remained closed. Elliot noticed the furrow her brow was making, and he couldn't tell whether it was pain, fear, or pleasure she was showing.

"Come back, Liv."

She opened her eyes, just on the verge of going over the edge to the darkness of those awful nights. She kissed him softly.

"I didn't leave."

Her lower body moved against his. She was craving more.

Both moved slowly, an easy pace for Olivia, before they reached the precipice of pure bliss. That all too familiar feeling of a man coating her insides rained inside Olivia again, but it didn't feel like it had. She had felt the sour sting of the every man who had taken her, the vile substances burning viciously as it ate at her. This was not like that.

Her eyes rolled back as she felt the waves of pleasure crashing over her. Elliot shook against his love as he came down from his cloud of pleasure. He'd never before had such an intense experience with such ecstasy in his life. It was absolute perfection. He left her when they had both returned to Earth, and he rolled onto his side, facing her as she moved to face him. Their hands connected in between their heated bodies as they smiled at each other.

"I love you, El." Olivia whispered.

She had said the words for the fourth time. Elliot smiled wider than he thought possible.

"I love you too."

With their hands still weaved together, they shared another passionate kiss. Then Elliot turned onto his back and pulled Olivia up so her head rested on his chest, just beneath his chin. Everything was just as it should have been as they laid there, her hands still drawing circles on his.

"You ok?" He asked her.

Elliot was well aware that she may have been caught in the clutches of the past after what they'd done. That kind of fear never went away.

"I'm just fine. You don't have to worry about me." She replied.

All she wanted was to be treated normally again. Even at work people who had never even looked twice at her would ask her daily if she needed anything. She just wanted to be Olivia Benson again.

"That's my job." He squeezed her in closer with his arm around her.

A sigh escaped her lips. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if only _he _was the one asking if she needed anything. She smiled.

"I know."

He ran his hands gingerly through her hair, giving her goosebumps as he did. The sounds of the night came through the walls easily, mingling in the dark space of the bedroom as if they originated from there. The taxis on the street honked their horns; the parties of people gathered for a good time on a Friday night cheered loudly in the lights of the city.

Olivia sighed in contentment, her hand tracing his chiseled Ab muscles as she did. He continued with his fingers raking through the sea of silky hair he had always admired. Without knowing he was speaking out loud, he began to say what he was thinking.

"I always loved it when your hair fell in your eyes, when it blew in the wind. I still love the way it shines in the sun."

She listened with a smile on her face as her cheek pressed against his beating heart. It brought her comfort to have another heart like hers beating so close to her. It was almost too real that it seemed unreal.

"What if I had lost you?"

His whisper was so faint even she had trouble hearing it. Her hand rubbed his chest comfortingly.

"You didn't." She spoke just as softly.

He took his hand out from her hair and put it on her back, gently moving his hand up and down.

"Thank god for that."

Elliot pushed his chin into his chest to look at her. She saw his attempt, stretching her own neck to place a kiss on his.

"I don't know what I would've done."

The words were so honest that they almost brought tears to Olivia's eyes.

"You would have moved on. You would have let me go." She said, pain only a dull hum in her ears as she thought to the alternative outcome.

Elliot felt the lump return to his throat. He was thankful beyond words that he didn't have to try and even think about what he would have done, because she lay there next to him.

"I don't think I could have." His voice cut in and out of a whisper.

She closed her eyes, a tear falling from her eye, traveling over the bridge of her nose, and settling on his chest. He felt it immediately.

"What are you thinking, Liv?"

He drew invisible shapes on her back with his hand. She smiled, the sun amidst the rain. Her hand reached for his, lying limply at his side.

"Nothing."

She let another tear rain down on his warm skin. It was no use. It spilled out easily.

"One of those nights, I said your name. I expected you to hear me."

She smiled at herself, a little amused that she had actually thought it at that time. Elliot stopped his hand from moving around her back. He had felt it that night.

"I did." He replied.

Olivia put a kiss on his chest and closed her eyes again.

"I thought I was going to die." She stopped the tears and reflected quietly.

Elliot felt the huge lump leap farther into his throat.

"I didn't only think I was going to; I wanted to."

Her words were painfully honest, but they had to be said.

"I wanted it to end. It hurt."

The last word she spoke held a tremor and a silent sob within it. She felt herself seeing it again. Her eyes blurred again.

"And I didn't want any of you seeing me like that - like you did, like you had to."

Her fingers continued their tracing of the invisible lines in Elliot's rippled skin. He comforted her silently, still rubbing her back gently. Another tear fell onto his chest.

"You made it out of there." He replied in a low tone.

His fingers found the lines on her back as well, raised, not invisible. He imagined the pain she had felt when the man brought down the leather on her back. She felt his fingers begin to trace her wounds.

"My lesson." Olivia commented quietly.

Elliot recalled the night at the hotel when she had removed her shirt, his eyes taking in the angry slashes on her back.

"Don't leave me like that. I don't know what I'd do either."

Her voice was only laced with a slight tremor. He smiled slightly.

"I won't if you don't."

She nodded, looking up at him again.

"I promise." She said quietly.

"Alright. And I promise you too."

The silence took over again. The path had finally become lit with the sunrise of a new day, a new phase. He was showing her the way they both needed to go, and by doing it, they took a road they never would have had the opportunity to otherwise.

Olivia Benson was safe with Elliot Stabler. Elliot was safe with Olivia. And that would never change. She needed his comfort and he needed hers. That was the way it had always been and would always be.

Their days would be spent together, their nights the same. Best friends and lovers traveling an unknown road - always willing to show each other, the city, and the world - the way.

**If you have anything you want to share, please review and let me know.** ❤❤❤❤


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